So I am feeling extra shitty today and need to get it out.

My life a few months ago was so much different than it is today.... I am in shock and completely lost, scared, confused, and incredibly sad.

A few months ago I had a husband... two beautiful children... a job...

Then my husband told me he doesn't love me anymore. I don't understand it. We were in love.... how does that just go away?.... it doesn't make any sense to me....

Then he moved out and I was left with the kids and no family or support system around me.... I was grieving the loss of my husband and still trying to keep my life together but I just couldn't do it all alone.... I felt like the worst person in the world... unlovable and on top of it I felt like a bad mother.... so I brought the kids to my husband, went home and started drinking with intention of taking all my depression medication at once with the alcohol to kill myself.

.... I guess my husband had told my dad that I was down and he came to my house and got me and brought me to the hospital. I spent three days in the psych ward before they let me go....

My husband told me he wants custody of the kids.

I packed up and moved away to be with my sister....

now I am here in this new place.... wonder what the &^#% happened to my life....

:(

I want to have something to live for but I can't find it....

I

There is absolutely nothing wrong with grieving the loss of your marriage and the life you had before. But ultimately your ex wants a divorce. At this point you should be looking forward toward rebuilding and living your best life for you and your kids! Whatever it may take to get there: going back to school, going to counseling, getting a new job, getting your own place, etc.

I was in a somewhat similar situation. I was in an abusive marriage and didn't realize it until he had moved us across country leaving me with no family or support system. I eventually accepted the situation was abusive and was not going to get any better, and ended up leaving him, taking along our two young daughters back to my home state. We had to move in with my father because I did not have a job to afford my own place because I had given up my career to be a stay at home mom/wife.

My ex also said how he wanted sole custody of the kids. It doesn't matter what your ex says or wants regarding custody/child support/anything else. It is up to the judge. Don't just give the kids to him, fight for them! They need their mom in their lives just like they need their dad. I fought for custody and yes it was scary. It was pure emotional hell, but fighting for them is better than just giving up because you are afraid of losing. If I can do it, so can everyone else. Call your state bar association (if you are in the US) and get lawyered up and start fighting for your kids.

I hope this doesn't come across as rude or mean. I am just trying to be blunt and completely honest in my advice, coming from someone who has been there. I wish you the best. Feel free to contact me if you need help or need to talk. ❤