Hey guys , I have not posted in awhile but I am in serious need of advice. I have recently finished with this Welding school and graduated with my certificate in hand (I am really proud of this accomplishment.) this year however I am starting to get concerned with the feelings I am having recently. I know that I have been going through so many different issues during the past couple of years with not just my parents but also having problems with finding a job in the same area I live at with my parents. I also know that the support I used to have with friends, neighbors, and co-workers is long gone so I am feeling alone and depressed most of the time. I am also going to mention I tried moving out two other times early this year. The first time failed because the roommate had a serious drinking problem and some of her expectations were very unrealistic for me. The second time would have worked except for a small issue with SSI where if me and the other person were representative payees of our own checks then our checks would be cut. This would have meant we would have been both out on the street which I did not want for either one of us. I also want to mention that another person who I will call Nick was living with my roommate which we became friends instantly. During the couple of days I stayed at this persons, Nick and I actually stayed up to where we started talking about personal stories from our lives. When we were talking, he asked me what is it that I want for my life. I didn't know how to answer this question but I mentioned how I felt very unhappy with the current situation, the lack of feeling like I belonged, the lack of opportunities, or real friends, the massive credit card debt, the lack of anything fun to do around the area, how I am having a hard time finding a job or just living a very dull life while everyone else I know is out for the time of their lives. Instead I have this living hell of situation living with my mother and grandmother who ride on me about every single little thing they dislike me doing, or the fact that I have to question the relationships I am in with some of these "friends" due to some contradicting behaviors that are different from what they say. I also want to live my own life instead of people thinking they know what's best for me or try controlling it for a change because they want to be a bunch of a-holes. I want better than the shitty hand I am being dealt and am very dissatisfied with how people decide my feelings do not matter which they obviously pretend I am not there. I already know I would like my life to be more exciting and feel like I belong instead of being treated like crap by these narcissistic people in my life. I also know that since the second time did not work that I really do not want to continue living in that area with my mother and grandmother as living in home environment is very stressful and get constantly angered by their lack of understanding of what boundaries are. I also know that the landlord is coming to inspect the home around late December and since I know what the landlord might do if she sees the inside of the place, I am worried that we might end up on the street because the irresponsibility of their actions. I cannot even have an open discussion without them starting an argument and using insults. I really do feel like my anger towards them is getting worse and am starting to get concerned that it might end up in a physical fight where I might end up in jail and they might get hurt. I also feel like some of the expectations they have is very unrealistic towards me and because I have sensory issues as well as really bad anxiety, the arguments is very stressful to me. I do care about them but I feel it is really difficult for me to be around them. I am really concerned also because if the landlord arrives and the fights happen, I do not want to be caught in the middle of the crossfire. I really have no support in the area I live at and being open about my feelings with my parents is the last thing I need or want right now. I already go to a psychiatrist but the doctor can only do much which the medicine barely helps. He did say that leaving might be better for me and I think so too. What should I do? I really want better than this and might just want to get my own place as well as a job but I don't know how to go about doing this. Please help!! Any advice given is greatly appreciated. :)

First off, congrats on finishing school!!! Have you checked craigslist for jobs? I've literally found like 5 solid ones in the past few years after finishing school. You can also do a google search for shops in your area that would utilize your skill. I'm not too familiar with the welding industry but I'm thinking piping, auto repair? A drive around the industrial parts of town might give you ideas. And just give them a call or send them an email saying you're ready for work, can show up on time, etc etc. Just don't sound too desperate!

As for moving out, ive used craigslist for the same. Knowing what it's like to live with someone with an untreated drinking problem means you can better recognize and agree with other people who don't want to live with that either, whether its other roommates or a landlord. You can probably find some casual housing rentals with people just renting out a room in their house. Just make sure to have that conversation about what you expect. Some landlords will happily agree that they do not want a loud party house.

While you are biding your time with your mom and grandma, just take things one day at a time, or one hour at a time if you have to, and remind yourself it will all be okay once the pieces fall in place. It will, finishing school was a huge step to it, even if it might not seem like it right away.

From my perspective... After I moved out of my parents house, I found I liked speaking to them from a distance where I was so annoyed before. I had next to no support system though, am super slow at making friends, and don't recommend that for everybody. Especially if you have depression. The main thing is that you will be able to hear yourself think, and whether you are able to train that negative voice or not determines how it will work out. I'm on my third time moving out of their house and have been away for two years and counting. Have had some scary financial scares and job changes and I will say that working on being a better person - patient, compassionate (to others AND yourself), open-minded, resourceful - really does open doors. Feel free to Pm me if you want to talk further. :)

Im sorry to hear of your hardships. My first impulse was to tell you "you should do this or that" but it seems to me you already know what would be the best solution for you. ;)

I understand that on one hand it's difficult to move out from your home, especially if you already tried and it didn't work out. i think the first 2 failures were just a sign that those places weren't the best ones for you. This doesn't mean it will always be like that. Some things take several tries until the right one happens - for some it can be their job, partners, even schooling (congrats for your diploma/certificate!), while for others it can be something as silly as moving out.

I get the feeling that you somehow feel guilty for thinking you'd be better out of that house/ environment. you shouldn't feel guilty - children are meant to leave their parents' house at some point. Try to remember you are your own person, not an extension of your mother or grandmother. It's your life you must live, not theirs. You're also not supposed to live the life of anyone else you know. (this is something both my fiancee and i struggle with: expectations from our parents to live THEIR lives, and not our own. not to mention sometimes they project their failures unto us.... but i digress)

I sadly don't know what to tell you about the landlord situation, but i understand your concerns. all i can say is that things will be ok ... somehow. I also don't know what to tell you about your frustrations and anger - i have some of those myself, and .... and all i'm doing about them is to tell myself that whatever annoys or frustrates me won't matter anymore in X amount of time, that they're not important (they really arent in my case) and trying to sweep everything under the rug and pray i don't explode. :/ it works for the most part. but i know it's not the best solution.

I hope you'll find a little bit of comfort and encouragement in my words. /sending some virtual hugs your way/ Stay strong!