Huge personal rant incoming:

I have been waiting two weeks to see my new GP (just got insurance after moving back home to WA) because I can’t see any specialty doctor without a referral from my GP. I need a referral to a gyn in order to have my IUD removed because it is starting to trigger early menopause and has been giving me heart palpitations and horrible mood swings. This one i'm nervous about because I am worried I will be put on a new patient wait list and then have to keep suffering for weeks until I can see the obgyn. I can't even orgasm, and the heart palpitations can be triggered by the smallest thing, and they leave me weak and out of commission for hours sometimes.

I also need a referral to a psychiatrist, which makes me the MOST nervous. I was diagnosed as ADHD in 4th grade and took medications until high school for it. I was off meds for a while and got back on about two years ago (age 27). However, I was only on it for four or five months before the doctor (who constantly said that I should not stay on adderall because it's 'not good for me') decided I might be bipolar instead and refused to give me any more adderall until I took mood swing medications she wanted to prescribe. I begged her not to and I started crying in her office because she refused to listen to me telling her I am not bipolar because she wanted to be right.

I have been through that entire conversation more than once with more than one doctor. I have been put on Geodon, Lithium, Abilify, all used for bipolar. I have also been on at least 5 different depression meds and 3-4 anxiety medications. None of them helped very much and most of them made me feel worse. I'm talking falling asleep standing up, muscle spasms where I lost control of limbs, fits of rage that had me breaking things, and the moodless state where I don't care about anything.) When I am on adderall it works 100% for not only my attention span but for my anxiety and depression and my mood swings (triggered by overstimulation of sounds, touch and smells).

I stopped seeing her immediately after realizing she wasn’t going to listen to me, but then we moved a few times and I haven’t been able to see a psychiatrist since then. It's almost been a year since then.

I’m so terrified I’m going to have to go through this BS bipolar conversation again. I have had it so many times with doctors I’m sick of it. I’m sick of being put on bipolar meds that make me a zombie, or make me angry, or make me sick because it is not what I need. I’m sick of the ‘just try it, there’s nothing wrong with being bipolar’ conversation. That isn’t even the issue here! The issue is that I don’t have it and you are not listening to me!

I'm 29 years old, you would think that the doctors would believe me when I try to tell them all of these things. I'm so worn out by having my issues ignored because they think they know what is best for me. I don't even know what kind of advice to ask for, I just need to talk to someone about all this. I am by myself a lot of the time, watching our 2.5 year old son who is a horrible conversationalist. My husband and his family have 0 history of mental health so they can't relate at all and they don't really... have a lot of empathy with any of the stuff I've gone through. :I

How did your appointment go? Were you able to get a referral to a psychiatrist?

I am sorry you have been going through so much and that your husband and his family have no point of reference at all or even empathy. That is upsetting, to say the least.

My partner has complex PTSD. I have anxiety issues. She and I both have a genetic condition that causes a lot of pain. What I'm trying to say is...we've spent years dealing with invisible illnesses. It's absolutely critical to find doctors who believe you and let you be active in your treatment plan. If Adderall worked for you, they shouldn't have taken you off of it. It takes forever to find the right medication or cocktail of medications that work. Once you find something, it makes no sense to suddenly change direction and try something else unless you're experiencing side effects you can't cope with. I'm sorry your last psychiatrist was bad at her job.

Anyway, hoping your appointment went well and that you're able to get what you need soon.

thank you for checking in on me. ;w;

The doctor was not a nice man. He was condescending and told me I had to do what he suggested or find another doctor. I don’t want to go through the stress of getting a new primary and waiting for an intake appointment so I just sucked it up.

When I told him I was taking a supplement of lions mane mushroom he shook his head and rolled his eyes and told me almost all supplements are BS and I have to stop taking it immediately if I want him to help me.

I got a referral to an obgyn and to psych clinics and he said I have to go to therapy for my anxiety or find another doctor. When I mentioned adhd he argued that he doesn’t think I have it and if he prescribed me meds for it I might do something crazy like kill my son. I was so appalled that he would say that, that I was speechless. Like. 50% of my anxious thoughts are just ways my son might die on accident, he is so precious to me and to accuse me of being capable of doing that made me want to just get up and walk out. I had already told him I was diagnosed in 4th grade, taken meds for 6 years and had also been taking adderall last year with no problems--only positive results.

He prescribed me Xanax and then told me to come back in 2 weeks. smh.

Then I got into the psych this past week, and that went really well! A lot of questions, but when she told me she believed me when I said I had ADHD I burst into tears and I was so relieved, I couldn’t stop crying.(this has been an ongoing issue with more than one doc) There was no doubt in her voice, especially after I listed to her all of the medications I have taken and all of the side effects and reasons I stopped taking them. (Her: "if none of those bipolar medications worked and they made you feel worse, then you aren't bipolar!" cue more relieved sobbing from me ) it was a two hour appointment where she asked me so many questions about myself now, my family history, my home life, you name it and she asked it. And then at the end of the appointment she busted out the bigass DSM-IV and went over all her notes and stuff while referring to the book and gave me a diagnosis in order to pursue the right therapy from here on out. She first and foremost confirmed that I have ADHD and then she said that I have panic disorder, generalized anxiety, and major depressive disorder. I feel really fucking validated for the first time in years.

I just hope that things get better from here.

I'm sorry the doctor was so awful. The fact no one (until the psych) believes you about the ADHD is insane. I am pretty sure Adderall doesn't have a homicidal side effect--that's just ridiculous, and he unnecessarily added to your anxiety.

Xanax helps anxiety, not ADHD. Xanax is a downer, not an upper, which is not what you need. Is the psych able to prescribe the Adderall for you?

I'm really glad your psych appointment went well and that you felt validated. I hope you're doing okay!

UPDATE! So I got my IUD taken out on Thursday and I have had some effects of the crash from losing the fake hormones but it seems like slowly my issues with that were subsiding. The Xanax was helping a little but not substantially and it took away my drive and motivation. HOWEVER Yesterday, I saw my therapist early in the afternoon and she and I worked to get my diagnoses written up and all this paperwork done for me to bring to my doctor, as I had an appointment with him later that day. My ADHD, as she is helping me understand it, is primarily the impulse-control trait. This includes impulsive thoughts and impulsive mood swings. So she made sure my paperwork had ADHD front and center, since it is exacerbating my anxiety and everything. Went to the doctor and he was clearly somewhat skeptical, however I had done everything I needed and I had the therapist talk fresh in my mind. The doc still was going to prescribe me some kind of anxiety medication called Paxil and I said, albeit quietly and weakly, "I would prefer it if we could please try to treat the ADHD first and see if that solves the issue." and he agreed. Which, thank GOD because I've had two different friends tell me later when I talked about it on facebook that Paxil put them both through hell and they would never recommend it. He gave me adderall, which is what I have been seeking this whole time as I feel it has helped. I took half of one last night and a whole one today. Now, granted, I really do feel amped up, but it's like you know when you get super excited about something and you are in just a really great, happy mood? That's how I feel. I am motivated as fuck. I got shit done today, and I feel like this cloud that has covered my body and mind has been lifted. I don't think bad thoughts, and I don't have a fear of those bad thoughts dragging me down again. My mind has suddenly become more practical, for sure. I don't know if it is 100% the meds or just a mixture of the meds, things going well this week and getting the IUD out but I have felt really good today. I managed to finish planting some stuff that was starting to die in the pots (hope I wasn't too late, I was avoiding the work involved with setting up the planters for weeks now) and I weeded my flower bed which was 90% weeds. Also set up plans with my in-laws to build a play set for my 2.5 year old son. Thank you for sticking with me through this. I was really drowning for a while there.