I have the unfortunate mental vice of feeling very temporary in peoples' lives. By that I mean I feel as though I am put in certain lives to simply fulfill a purpose, and then become little more than a background character. I also understand that a lot of it is probably my fault cause I am so use to people drifting in and out of my life, and it is easy for me to write people off as simply pieces that I am merely suppose to be there for during a period of time, and then move on. I know I can be quite self-sabotaging, and so I cannot blame others for this unfortunate circumstance, but it just sucks when I meet someone randomly and the first thing I think isn't "Oh man, this person is cool, I really hope we stay friends" instead it is "How can I help this person, and for what reason have they found me?" I wish I could break this mentality cause I know it is the cause of so many missed true friendship opportunities. I suppose this is more of a vent, but I definitely wouldn't mind responses. I really wish I didn't think the way I do.

I think therapy would be the best way to get yourself out of this mindset. Talking through it with someone who can alter your perspective allows you to get to the root of the problem and figure out why you think this way so you can change it for the better.

From my experience, everyone is on their own separate path and almost everyone around them is a minor character. Most people will put themselves first and that's just how it is. The thing I believe you need to do is make yourself the main character of your own story. Find the things that bring you joy and the people you enjoy being around to give your own life purpose. I don't believe anyone exists to fill a need for anyone else, everyone you meet in your life is just a matter of chance. However, keeping them around is your own choice. If you believe a friendship is one sided in their favor, then talk it out with them and try to find ways to improve the friendship. The people who are genuine and love you will take the time to understand your point of view. Don't resign yourself to being in the background, you deserve better than that.

I can definitely empathize here. When you have depression, or even if you dont, its always good to remember:

The brain is an organ. It can have some issues and kinks, just like any other organ. This doesn't mean you are sick or broken, and it doesn't mean that there is anything wrong with YOU as a person. Thats not what I'm trying to say. What I'm trying to say is, you might be in a state currently that is telling you these things about yourself, and I'm willing to bet that they aren't true.

What I like to do when I have these thoughts is to imagine the voice saying them to me, is an annoying 12 year old on x-box live.

Example:

"You failed them. You're so useless, they're never going to want you around now." "Shut up. They're my friend and they value me as a person, and if they don't its their loss. Isn't it past your bedtime anyway, you dumb 12 year old?"

Your purpose is more than serving other people, and it sounds like you probably have a whole lot of "I want to save the world" in your heart.

What I want to tell you is, its okay if the only person you save is yourself. Love and friendship will find you in the darkest places. You are the main character of YOUR life, and thats more important than being in the background of other people's. You are, and always will be more than that.

I definitely agree with you, I am in the process of trying to get therapy, or something. Maybe get back on some old medication. I was trying to kind of conquer my own mental turmoil by willpower alone, and it isn't going as well as I had hoped. I definitely need to reflect on myself a bit more, and try to redefine how I view things. I suppose that was a reason why I made this in the first place. To sort of get a view on how others might see my situation, as it can be tough to see the whole scope of things when you are in the middle of it, so it is nice to see how others see it. Thank you so much for your post, it definitely helps. Also when I meet people I tend to get attached really easily, and when I feel like my purpose to them has been fulfilled, and they eventually stop talking with me, it tends to be more of a heartbreak then it should be.

I really appreciate you, thank you so very much for this, it definitely made me happy. That is definitely a good way of looking at it, and it will take some time, but I know I will get there. Though I do have an advantage that some might not have, and that is I can differentiate between my own thoughts, and the thoughts that may come from my depression/anxiety (which I have a moderate case of). So when those thoughts come, even though it still hurts to have, I can at least identify that they are not of my own creation, if that makes sense. Working on being the main character of my story is definitely a challenge, cause growing up I always kind of felt like a waste of space, so I countered that by trying to make myself useful to others, and with that gave me a purpose. I suppose it is just difficult to break a cycle that is so ingrained, but again it will happen, it will just take time. Another thing is when I do meet people, I tend to get attached really easily, and so when the time comes that I feel as though I have done what I was suppose to do with them, and they stop talking to me, it tends to be more of a heartbreak then it probably should be.

I grew up basically with the sole purpose of caring for my mother, who has a ton of health problems. Growing up, I felt like my sole purpose was to serve and protect her from judging eyes. These days, we dont speak to eachother, because I started choosing to value myself over her.

I know its hard to recover from it when your whole life your worth was based solely on your usefulness, but once you wake up with the sole objective to serve only yourself, its gratifying. It can be hard because, you feel like you're being selfish or self-centered, but you're not. You have to learn to love yourself before you can truly fall in love with life and those around you. It takes time, but I promise it'll get easier! Baby steps. <3

Lots of love and support here. <3

<3 I appreciate you, you are quite the amazing person ^^ perhaps we can be friends, yes?

I appreciate you too! <3 we should definitely be friends.

<3 Perhaps I could get to know you more as well :3. I look forward to talking with you.

I self-sabotage. I sometimes still self harm. People use me all the time. They walk all over me. I guess I kind of understand? T_T

I also don't want friends, because every time I found a "human" and said "I think he/she is cool". HA! I see the real side of them and choose to disappear.

I hear you on that, I know it can be very difficult sometimes. Though please know that if you ever need to talk, or anything, I am here for you.

I'm here too going through a lot of crap and I can be rather distant for long periods of time but if either of you need to talk, you can comment/mail me.

Hey man, I appreciate that, and the same goes for you as well, man always.

Called out from work today to take a mental health day and I’m going to hang out with my friend who my gf accused me of cheating with but says she’s fine with me hanging out with but I don’t believe that. We’ll see how today goes haha

Oh man, I hope you are okay. I am sorry that she accused you of that Dx. You deserve to relax, and have a good time.

Thanks :) I've been having it rough lately

Thanks, today was terrible but thanks

Same

Is there anything I can do that might make things easier?

No probably not. Thanks for offering though ?