So I was dating a guy for the last 8months, it was ok until he moved in. It started out nicer than any other relationship I ever had. Dates every week of some kind. Eventually he came over and stayed nights too, that's what led him to move in. At the start I was happy, excited. Here was this guy who was pretty much all I could've asked for in a guy. He said I was his world, everything and did treat me as such. Clearly things didn't stay that way. Yesterday he accused me of cheating on him (not the first time) with our roommates, my co-workers at my new job (there less than two weeks and the only group I work with is all ladies) friends of mine he never met, pretty much anyone I could've ever talked to. Then later that night I found messages he sent telling girls I left him days, even weeks, ago. Asking them for nudes and relationship. I got to see them because one messaged him while we were cuddled watching a movie and I asked who it was. He fumbled with the phone a bit and opened "the bot" profile acting like he hadn't a clue. I asked to look and he hesitantly handed me the phone. I saw the profile pic matched the one in the messenger bubble so I clicked it and found he had asked her for nudes while I was sleeping next to him that morning and less than two hours later had been accusing me of cheating. So I looked more. These messages were all on facebook, he claims bot accounts. I wasn't having it. I told him if he valued me he 1) never would've replied to other girls asking him if he wanted nudes nor lied to them or 2) put our relationship at risk if he valued it. My family got me and had me stay with them last night. It must've driven a point home to him because while I was at work he packed and left. Nothing broken or deliberately taken from me so that was peaceful for the situation I suppose. He blocked me on facebook without any message or anything. The fight was pretty rough. I threw his phone a few times, backed away from him. Told him stuff like that is as good as cheating on me (which I discussed with him at the start of dating reasons I never date someone again after they hurt me, so it wasn't as if he had no clue) and that there's no more us. He threw himself on the floor saying he'd do what it took to keep us together and told me he made a huge mistke. I believe he gets he made a huge mistake, I just don't think he was aware that actions like that always have consequences. More so if someone explained already how that breaks their trust and its done anyways. He cried asking for another chance but after going over all of this I say no. The worst was finding out he lied about us being broken up. I was on the fence of what to do about things, but was going to have a sit down with him and actually talk it out... then saw those messages and it was over.

Now here's the nice things I'll miss that he would do.

1. helping put lotion on My feet after a shower
2. picking face mask out of my hair for me
3. actually enjoying the video games we played
4. bringing me home food at night
5. helping me remember things I'd forgotten where I put them

What I won't miss

1. constant accusations of cheating
2. gaslighting me on big events that happened
3. finding excuses to not help with housework
4. calling me 15+ times in a row when I don't answer my phone
5. how up my butt he was... like no breathing space
6. how he kept picking fights to see if I'd fight for him to stay
7. constantly nagging at me for sex
8. THE LIES

so yeah there's more but in a nutshell it started great then potentially controlling behavior kicked in, it put me on the fence and then those messages sealed my nope get out.

I just feel a bit empty seeing the stuff gone and not even getting a goodbye message or anything just blocked... :/

I will adjust in the end because you have to adjust to let someone in in the first place.

EDIT: I was informed he thinks of the accounts was made by me to "catch" him cheating... like I don't have time for that nonsense nor do I care to go that far to find "evidence" not to mention some mesSages were while I'd be sleeping... I know I'm not perfect, I have my faults, but shit this lying and suspicious stuff is just too much

Good on you for standing your ground and not putting up with being treated that way. You sound like a strong person and I hope you find someone who will treat you much better <3

I eventually hope to find someone worth all the efforts.

However this one since he left has messaged me he can't go a day without me. Claims the living situation is what "messed" him up. Also is trying to get me to believe that's how he talks to "play mind games".... i told him fake accounts or not if he valued what we had he wouldn't ever talk like that when I told him at the start stuff like that is a no fly zone.

I do have to see him one more time to give him last bits of his stuff. Like his debit card and ipod... I'm not gonna be caught with his stuff like that. Last thing I need is any police or accusation coming around....

I just wanted a clean break after the betrayal but it seems not totally possible.

I guess you know this by now, but a partner being prone to making accusations of cheating is a pretty huge red flag - it often means that they themselves are, if not currently being unfaithful, at least ready and willing to cheat at the flimsiest temptation; it's why they can so easily believe it of others.

I don't suppose it feels like it just now, but it sounds to me like you are well shot of this guy. He seems to be chronically incapable of a basic standard of honesty, or accepting any blame for his actions. With this in mind: if you must meet up with him to return his stuff, please have a friend/family member with you! Even if you don't believe he's a threat to your safety (and frankly he sounds like he might well become verbally abusive at the very least), you'll have a witness to the fact that you have returned his property, and that you no longer "owe" him anything.

...And then, cut off contact. If you aren't listening to him, he can't gaslight you any more. Good luck. ❤

Exactly what I was thinking. You said what I've been trying to tell people. He's painted me to be an over reacting person in this. My sister was concerned he might've become physically abusive if we ever left this house to live on our own. And that could be why he didn't like the roommates (both male) because had he done anything here they would've been in his business over hurting me

Even they were puzzled in his accusing me of being unfaithful. They have been my friends for a few years and know I'm not like that. They even tried talking to him and clearly that fell on deaf ears.

In any case I'm glad to know someone else saw the same issues I was describing. Gaslighting is one thing I can do without along with cheating.

I think when I give him his card and such back it is the last I need to deal with him. Bills here are under a roommates name and I don't think he had any mail set to be delivered to here. So after this my adjusting back to not dealing with any of his BS should be good.

Oh also he read online about depression and claims it has no affect on daily life or activities. ... Ok newly found doctor hahaha