This is another forum game, Monkey's Paw style. The person above you will have made a wish; give a condition to that wish that really ruins it, and then make your own wish. (Ex: "I wish I was rich!" "Granted, but it makes you a thief and thug magnet." "I wish I could breathe underwater!" "Granted, but you've become uncurably hydrophobic.")

I'll start. I wish I wasn't an insomniac.

Granted, now you fall asleep whenever you sit down.

I wish I got a forum point on every post.

Granted, but now Major Drills will only give you junk.

I wish I could play Item Hunt again.

Granted, but Chase only ever asks you for Swashbuckle, even on level 1.

I wish I had 500,000 CSC

Granted, but staff decides to retire everything in the shop and stop making cash shop items. Subeta subsequently goes bankrupt.

I wish all the items on my WL weren't so friggun expensive.

Granted, everything on your wishlist now costs between 1-10, but the currency is changed to referral points.

I wish Survival would be extended for another few days so I could get one more zombie skin.

Granted, but you lost internet connection for one week

I wish that the weather wouldn't be so hot here T-T

Granted, but now you have blizzards the rest of the month.

I wish some of the Legendary weapons were easier to come by.

Granted, but they're all broken now and the achievement gets retired.

I wish I knew a bunch of rich people I could refer to the site who would buy lots of CSC.

Granted, but these people can never give you any gifts.

I wish that I had more CWs.

Granted, but they will all be a bunch of the same CW

I wish I didn't need to sleep

Granted but you are forever stuck in a nightmare world

I wish I would lose weight

granted, but you do so because you become deathly ill.

I wish I wasn't allergic to cats.

Granted but now you are allergic to all other animals

I wish water tasted better

Granted, but now water contains calories.

I wish that I had more dogs.

Granted, but now you have 1000 dogs and must care for them by yourself

I wish I could use magic

Granted, you can now use magic to levitate pencils..and nothing else.

I wish I had more time to play Skyrim.

Granted, but now you have an addiction

I wish that I had more time in life to do what I want.

Granted, but you lose all sources of income and can't afford to do what you want.

I wish I didn't have to waste time on chores.

Granted, but now your home is always filthy.

I wish that I had another weeks worth of break.