I've been hurt and walked on so many times, that I thought I'd be used to it. Turns out, you'll never be used to it and that knife twists its self in your chest every. single. time.

I just feel used and thrown under the carpet. I'm always good enough to do shit for other people, though.

I don't even know why I'm upset. I hate my family, my dad, everyone really.

I especially felt like shit two days ago when my dad treated me like an 8 year old at the grocery store and I felt like the worse being on the planet. He's a narc and somehow, it's all my fault. He ended up taking my grocery cart and started putting his stuff in it and when I needed the cart he said "Too bad. I have soup and it's heavy". Literally, he had a can in each hand and I had to walk back and forth three times to put four cans in the cart. And then "Don't wander off in the aisles. We have to be together". While he was going to the cash, I said "I'll be right back! I just need to look for something". When I came back he left the cart at the cash while he was packing his things and a women was behind him. When I got back he started the whole "Why did you leave? Now is not the time to leave. You weren't even here to help me. I didn't know what were your things" when I told him a million times. I said "You could've let her go through"

And... then I wanted to cut when I came home, but didn't.

It's just.. so hard to cope. My father is a narc asshole and my mom is mean. She's probably also a bit of a narc, but mainly it's my dad.

I feel like everything's my fault, I can't do anything right, that I'm a screw up. I also don't feel like part of the family. I never felt loved, appreciated or wanted.

My mom was at my door, dropped some newspaper off so I can pack up the internet modem I have to ship back to the company. She was dressed all nicely. I know she's going to eat out with my brother. I never get invited anywhere, that's why I always impose and I always get shit on when I do.

Now I'm sad and crying, so I'm going to stop rambling.

Ah so sorry to hear that... really that is just freaking awful. There is no excuse for someone to treat ANYONE like that, no excuse what so ever.

I hate being treated like a damn child... sure I am not the most mature person on the planet but when you are in your near 30s and people treat you like you are 12... just no.

I do hope everything will be alright for you. If you ever need to rant or talk you can sMail me any time.

[edit] Ugh freaking laggy ass site.

I'm treated like a child all the time

[edit] I know. I couldn't do anything for 5min.

That is not right or fair at all. I am so sorry! :(

It sounds like spending time with them is toxic for you. I know they're your family but sometimes the best thing for your self preservation is to stay away from people who 'threaten' you, even if they are your parents. It sounds like a really shitty situation :(

You guys kind of made me feel a tad better.

I know they're toxic. It's so hard because my mom refuses to take the bus to her appointments because she claims "she can't". I am insured on my dad's van, so I take her and I tend to do my errands at the same time. Sometimes she's nice to me, sometimes she has a running mouth.

Always has to be something huh? I do wish you the best and really I am here if you ever need to talk. :)

You are worthwhile. You deserve to be treated with love and respect. The fault lies with them, not you. It is okay to stand up for yourself. It is healthy to refuse to be a door mat. It is natural to become angry when others treat you so poorly. hugs

I am proud of you for not taking it out on yourself! That is a good first step. Using this as a place to vent rather than keeping it bottled up, or worse -- hurting yourself -- is a clever, creative solution to an incredibly difficult dilemma. Good for you! MORE HUGS

Please continue this positive behavior in the future. EVEN MORE HUGS

I've been in a similar situation or I still have my family.. I just chose to move a state away. Sometimes it seems like the world is against you so it really sucks when your family seems against you as well.

But I'm here for you big hugs :(