Locked

You really seem to have given up a lot to be with this guy. What did he give up to be with you?

First of all, it's normal to fall into these infatuations with others, but you should not pursue this married guy. It's exciting right now, because your relationship at home is boring you and talking to this married guy is effortless because it's online, but if you really can't see yourself without your current boyfriend in the future, then it's clear that you're not ready to leave just yet. Besides, you're only getting one side of the story, maybe the wife is actually a fine lady that he's just bored with, but I don't know you and the specifics around the situation so I'm just speculating x)

Does your boyfriend do work around the house when he's there, or is it just leaving and coming home to the same mess?

I think you should talk to your boyfriend. Don't tell him about the online friend, but about how you are afraid that you're drifting apart, so you can figure out a solution together to try and save your relationship. Love changes a lot over time, sometimes to a point where you can barely feel anything because the other person has become a part of you, one you would definitely need if it wasn't there. You've given up so much and you work so hard to be with this guy, there must be a reason for that. Of course if you still feel like it's unsaveable after you try to work on your relationship together, you shouldn't stay with him just for the times you've had. You deserve someone good, someone better than married guy.

I really appreciate your answer. Honestly, you're right in every aspect. Even though he might tell me his side, maybe it's not really what it is. And I'm afraid of it being that way (that he's lying or not being honest etc).

And my boyfriend is great, he tries his best to accommodate, but I realize our different cultures over the years, as well as the way we've been raised, just clashes. I don't know if the little things he does adds up to what I've done, but I just... might be being selfish about it. I try to take care of myself first and foremost, but maybe I just don't see my boyfriend as one with me.

But yes, it is a dangerous game that I should stop playing with the married guy... thank you again for the help ^^ it really opened up a bit and is a bit of a guide to talk to my boyfriend about our relationship.

You know best within yourself if this can be fixed or not for you, Your feelings are a bit clouded right now because of the married guy, but ultimately you know you best. There's nothing wrong with wanting to preserve yourself as your own person either to be honest, I just need you to be extremely certain of what you want, and have a plan for what you're going to do before you do it.

I. Let's start with the "I don't know if I love him anymore" comment. It seems like you gave up a lot to be with this man and it made me think of this lovely piece from Lang Leav

Is there something in particular that made you make the comment or an overwhelming feeling of "i just don't know anymore"? Also, what have you tow been fighting about? is it something you have fought about before?

II. Infatuations are very common especially when struggling with a current partner. I suggest looking at what this person offers that is pulling you in and look at your own relationship to see if this is an aspect that is lacking. Noticing these are extremely important because they can help you see if you want to fix your relationship or leave. They also offer you an outlet to start talking to your boyfriend.

III. Personal comment: I HATE when people say they are doing it for the kids. It has actually been scientifically shown that things like that are worse for the kids than just leaving.

At times, my boyfriend seems very controlling. He treats me like a child, and he blames it on how I was raised. I hold grudges whenever I feel like he's too much and apparently I've been ignoring him every time I come home. Recently, he's had his friend and friend's fiancee stay with us, and I think that adds to the tension already.

The thing is that the reason why I fell for the married/internet guy is because it felt so refreshing. My boyfriend hates MMOs, and idk, everything the married guy said to me made me like him more.

And yes, his kids seem to side with their mom, and I feel like that's not healthy for either him or them. Granted, he barely sees them because of working graveyard shifts, then sleeping later in the day... but honestly I see him a better parent than his wife.

That aside, the married guy did see the problem going on, and said he would stop so that I would fix my relationship with my boyfriend (mostly on my end.) But it still just isn't cutting out for me.

I think the obvious choice is to talk to your boyfriend about your couple situation and how does he feel as well. He cannot know what's going on if he's being kept in the dark. I cannot tell you to not pursuit the married man, but it is a fairly dangerous game where you may end up with a loss. From what I'm gathering, you appreciate this man because of the novelty (it spices up your life). However, he has a lot of personal baggage himself and it may be impossible for him to leave his life for you. I think your situation at home now is creating opportunities for you to enjoy and love everything that isn't related to your current situation.

Sit down with your boyfriend and talk with him. If it isn't cutting it, find a way to make your life more interesting and don't rely on another man to bring you that type of happiness just yet.

Definitely. It's hard, as I tend to have trouble voicing my opinion because I don't seem to care lately. I find myself not like my other friends who've graduated from our high school, who didn't tie themselves down to a relationship, seem happier. I think that lack of growth in that area for me is gone (or maybe until I break up with my boyfriend) and I guess yes, that's why so many people who I talk to online could be victims to my romanticizing.

COMMUNICATE! Who the hell knows what is going on with anything if y'all don't communicate? No one does! Yes, you gave up a lot for that relationship... but you did not have to - you chose to. Do you resent him for it? Talk it out with him, everything!

NEVER PURSUE A MARRIED MAN! Sure, everything seems to be so much greener on the other side, but who honestly knows how that relationship would work out? You stuck with this guy for about 5.5 years, so you can see it worked for awhile, right? Also, why are you going behind someones back doing things? This is causing a lot of confusion on your part - and I hope you can get your head straightened out and see clearly.

You should see as things you are doing as well - that are putting a dent in the relationship. Why are you not talking it out with him, instead of bottling it up. Does he have any idea how depressed you are?