Hi there! I am running into a bit of an issue regarding one of my roommates and her boyfriend. I currently share a house with two friends and my boyfriend. The house belongs to my father and all rent goes through me to delegate between repairs on the house, bills and shared supplies like paper towels, laundry detergent etc etc. My boyfriend and one of my roommates pay rent while the other roommate does not, this was not a problem we had her move in knowing this was the case. Her moving in got her out of an abusive relationship and helped her take on more work to pay for her car to get to her jobs. We were all more than happy to pitch in a bit more on utilities to help her get out of that situation and be able to continue to work full-time. Recently she has started dating a new boy and he is now around 24/7. People moving in does not actually go through me, it goes through my dad even though this isn't a contracted living situation, it is his house we respect whatever he wants. It took my boyfriend and I months of dating and being serious to bring up "hey I think he should move in he will pay this for rent etc etc we have the space" and he was okay with that. My roommates boyfriend right off the bat has been staying over seven nights a week, using utilities and shared products but hasn't mentioned moving in at all, he just went for it. I am not sure how to breach this conversation with my roommate and her boyfriend. It is one thing if my other roommate for example has her girlfriend stay one or two nights a week. She isn't using a lot of the shared, paid for by other people, things and isn't always taking up a parking spot that we also cover cost for. Like I said we took HER in knowing we would cover her costs until she could help out as long as she got out of the abusive relationship but this now includes covering costs for her boyfriend who hasn't even asked about moving in. Please help me make this as least awkward as possible, she is a very dear friend but I can't allow this? He is living here fulltime without paying a dime or even being very friendly to any of us.

It's your father's house therefor he's the landlord and the one in charge of tenants. He should be discussing this with your friend, and laying down limits for how many times a week someone can stay over.

My landlord has a stipulation that I can only have someone stay over for one night once a month. It's in the lease agreement that I signed and must abide by it. If your father hasn't already it's time for him to write up formal lease agreements and have everyone sign them.

He should also give your friend a time limit for how long she has before she has to start paying rent.

Yeah, I would have your dad talk to them. Seems like she's taking advantage of your kindness now, which is not cool. :(

Yeah I was kinda hoping it wouldn't get to the point of formal agreements but she is stepping on my toes and starting to take advantage of what a good situation we have. My dad is more than happy to let us sort it out and as long as the house doesn't burn down we know the agreed upon arrangement but she is going against that. My dad is actually coming up to visit for Christmas and will be here 24th-28th so I'm gonna try to talk to her tonight and hope she understands and if not he can handle it and we will start working out a written agreement. I talked to my boyfriend a bit about it last night and he was very confused because he had to be really good about when he stayed over and convincing my dad to let us have a fourth person in the house. She is adding a fifth with no conversations with any of us.

I hope it works out and you have a nice Christmas. <3

Sadly sometimes even with friends we have to set lines and limits. I agree it will take some heat off of you if your dad is the one talking to everyone about observing the rules for his house and anyone who breaks the main rules has x time to fix it or move out much like a legal leasing place would do. However she is creating additional stresses to you other 3. Its very nice you guys have helped but for how long before she claims its a set deal and never pays anything? You can't bear her costs for her whole stay. I live with friends myself and when my bf came over for more than half the week for two weeks, not staying the night either, I was asked to either have him move in and pay costs or to only have him over no more than 3 times a week. Needless to say he moved in after some thought on the whole thing. The other thing is payment was due upon his move in. We prorated the cost since it was at the half way part of the month he decided. The other main talk we all collectively had was continued payments in events like job loss. We all decided what we can and can't cover based on the reason a job was lost. If its things beyond control we will pitch in and help and encourage finding another job. If due to one being dumb and say skipping work then its on them to find their own way to pay. In both circumstances if a job isn't found after x time the person will be asked to move. So I say set a date for her to prepare her own personal budget and show it to you all and you guys set out that she needs to start paying by x date. Even if its 100 at least the helps the 3 of you guys keep more of your cash in hand. Also be transparent with the bills. If it coasted 100 in electric one month post on a board to show each has until x day to pay x amount. I did this when I lived with 5 people and it worked well. No questions on why the bill amounts were what they were and no excuses of "I had no idea". I'm sorry you're in this boat, but in the end to you and the other two paying its not fair to cover her stuff. You have to watch out for you and them. Talk to your dad and if he has to set a rule about people staying the night or even being on his property so be it.

I actually got a chance to talk to her about it last night and it went better than expected. His mother and sister who he lives with have had the flu and that is why they haven't stayed at his house. She gets he can't be over here more than two nights a week and him moving in right now is NOT a possibility so she will spend a few nights at his place and some here without him. She also just got put on salary for one of her jobs so she is gonna work it out on how much she can start paying monthly flat for rent which is great!

Wasn't super a conversation about the rent more so him not staying over more than a few nights and stuff like that. Thank you for your kind words and happy holidays!

Awesome! I'm very glad to hear this. For both you to reduce your stress and worry and her to get feeling like her life is better will be good for her. The situationshe was in is poop enough. Glad things are on the up! And yes enjoy your holiday as well!! :)