i didnt put this in relationships because i dont really feel like it has much to do with our relationship, per se. this advice could be the same for me, or for a friend, or for a family member. and i feel like the advice given in this thread as opposed to the relationship thread would be better for the issue. please forgive me

LDR: long distance relationship

PTSD: post traumatic stress disorder

ACTUAL START HERE:

• me and my partner live literally a thousand and one miles apart
• i love them. theyre my world
• there is no doubt in my mind that they have ptsd. im not going to go into why but. its clear as day
• they cannot get help/therapy for it because they are 17 and anything they say to a psychiatrist or therapist will be relayed to their dangerous parents. they'll be 18 in march and ive asked them to do everything in their power to get help then
• but thats still a ways away
• they have horrible, episode-starting nightmares twice, three times a week. really horrifying awful things centering around their trauma and situations and feelings related to it.

ive brought up the fact that frequent nightmares are almost entirely related to ptsd and that the theme is entirely in line with their trauma, and they said i might be right. but they cant get the best help for it yet, and i don't know what to do. i worry about them and i feel powerless to help

when theyre bad off i get in a call with them and we watch something together. but im not always there especially right when they wake up and need me, and i still dont know what to do other than be there for them and that doesnt always work.

we've been dating for about eight months. these nightmares are nothing new but they've been happening more frequently. im not religious at all but ive started praying to the stars every night to keep them safe thats how at a loss i am. ive tried looking for resources on how to help but, like almost any time you try to find any help for a mental illness, all the results are "HOW to DEAL with your ANNOYING, WEIRD PARTNER" fuck you fuck off im not the one hurting.

any suggestions. any ideas. any resources, any reading, any websites. anything to help would be appreciated.

if more info is needed on like... the nature of the dreams. or trauma. or anything. like absolutely needed for advice. i can relay that over smail

TL;DR my partner has debilitating trauma nightmares almost every other night and I don't know how to help them please help.

I think the only thing you can do is continue to support them fully but never forget that support is exactly what they need in this situation and it does mean the world to them that you are there. I am no expert on PTSD but i know of a community of PTSD sufferers that help love and support each other just like you do to them they can be found here: https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/ . if you need help or have questions message me on my profile or sMail me

I don't know if you can reveal this information or not so I'm going to word it like this -- If the PTSD/Trauma comes from people still in their life, especially parents/family members, it will be harder to calm down episodes. You said it's been worse lately-- is a certain timeframe of the trauma coming up?

Unfortunately, given that PTSD is one of the hardest things to treat, psychological treatment would be my recommendation. It would be beneficial to know your partner's location because from state to state, or even clinic to clinic in the US can have different confidentiality agreements. These agreements would also be discussed ahead of time because waivers need to be signed, so there is a possibility they could call around, give a brief description and figure out if it would be a situation they can handle. Most often the confidentiality is broken for parents if there is drug use or suicidal/homicidal tendencies. If there is physical/sexual/emotional abuse, it is often relied to state authorities.

You could try looking up Cognitive Behavioral and Dialectal Behavioral therapy sheets. A lot of skills to help deal with trauma/anxiety/depression/etc are there. However, THEY TAKE TIME. It is not an overnight solution.

I might be able to come up with some better solutions knowing more about it if you feel comfortable enough to smail me.

Are they safely out of the trauma?

PTSD is hard, but they can conquer it. Everyone is a little different, but I can briefly speak from my own experience. After two decades with it-that-I-sneer-to-name, I'm almost episode free.

It took a lot of years. To overcome the trauma, I had to (very slowly and very, very carefully) take out my past and examine it. I had to convince myself that the traumatizing events were (in fact) horrendously awful and not excusable; I had to put the blame where it belonged (and not on myself, though I didn’t originally realize that I felt to blame); I had to embrace that I was safe; and, as I got stronger, I had to accept it was ok to exist in my past. I spent a lot of hours empowering myself through research, improving my health, and, later in life (though I wish I had done it sooner), volunteering with groups that put me in a place of power to save others in the same situation.

Plus, I got into fashion, because it allowed me to express myself at times when I was too afraid to talk. I swear, sometimes it was just the little things that help.

But, like I said, everyone is different (for good cause). What helped me is better an analogy than a step-by-step manual. I'm glad in a year they'll be able to talk with someone. No one can do it for you, but an officiator can be invaluable and pull you back if you go somewhere too dark. That's always the biggest risk of facing it on your own. And, I second that if they're still in the traumatic situation, that has to first be fixed. ^ That one I'm worried about, given that seeking help could cause waves.

Wall-of-text /fin. Actual advice /begin.

Even if it's fluff, helping them find something innocuous to enrich / empower them feels like a good place to start. (I'm pretty sure that's where I started with the help of my mom). You just feel so powerless in it all, having control somewhere helps.

And, getting the hell out of the trauma if it's still occurring. I know, I sound like a broken record player on this one.

Thank you for supporting them! Really! Feel free to reach out to me over smail if I can help in any way.

thank you all so much. it means the world to me. they are out of the trauma, yes. not in a friendly household, per se, but its not a dangerous one. theyre safe. thank you all for the support! ill look into the therapy sheets - i think those might be really good, they kinda fall in the line of ways we've been trying to help each other stay on track of healing and such - and i think finding a way for them to express themselves is also really good advice. i kinda have that with poetry. a lot of the things that would be good for them arent things they can do rn, but its good to feel that hope and possibility and try to find something that could work even if it ends up being small. thank you all again so much. <3