I recently started dating someone after we struck up a friendship about 5 months ago or so. I'd say we've been dating for about 2 or 3 months now and we get on really well and have so much fun together. However, we tend to have quite opposite views about certain things (like political views, environmental concerns, diet/veganism) and as we are both very opinionated we sometimes clash heads.

I am just wondering if anyone else out there has any experiences with having a partner with very opposite views of the world and how it turned out? I really would like this to work out long-term however would rather end things in the early stages if it's going to be a recipe for disaster. Obviously its a tough situation to give advice on as every relationship is different but I am interested to hear other peoples' experiences :)

I've had relationships where we spent too much time judging each other based on politics, views, ect. Life is too precious to spend time worrying about what your partner views in those regards. Enjoy each other. Current boyfriend at the start of the relationship wanted to talk to much and when we disagreed I felt tension, so I just straight up told him to just enjoy my company and lets talk about us instead. Been working ever since.

The reason my philosophy is this is because life is short. My ex passed away and I wish we spent more time together not worrying about our political differences and more time having fun.

I think it really depends on the level of disagreement and how important your views are to you. Disagreeing about something you just feel strongly about versus disagreeing about a core moral value you hold are very different experience.

Something I was always taught was that relationships involve compromise, but don't take that idea to heart as ALL a relationship is is compromises. If you feel you can't truly be yourself around someone, maybe it's time to take a step back, whether that means analyzing your own priorities, theirs, or taking a step away from the relationship entirely. I used to be in a relationship with someone that was the latter, a relationship that was almost entirely compromises, from small things to my own core values and self. My partner loved an idea of me that I simply was not! He took me as a person who was very different than I was, and while part of that was just the nature of his and my development as people (I was a very different person when I was a senior in high school from when I was a junior in college!), it also had a lot to do with the compromises I made about things that were important to me.

This is not to say that compromising on things is bad! Avoiding conversation about things that will always lead to disagreement is usually smart, if possible. Trying to find common ground is incredibly important as well! Why does your partner feel the way he does about xyz? And why do you? Perhaps you do have similar values in the end. However, it's a big red flag if he disrespects you for your values! Additionally, like I mentioned, if you feel like you can't truly be yourself around him, then is it really worth it to continue? Probably not. But as they say, Your Mileage May Vary! Always do what feels right for you in your situation.

Thanks for sharing your experiences that's put me more at ease now :) I don't know why I never thought of just avoiding the subjects haha! Only thing I'm still uncertain about is that one thing in particular is such a huge part of my life and I spend a lot of time volunteering etc., which is something he doesn't necessarily disagree with but just doesn't care at all (which frustrates me). I guess time will tell! Also thanks for your perspective, I feel that I can definitely be myself around him and such so that's made me feel a lot better! :)

If that thing is such a big part of your life, of course you'd like him to be involved too...at the same time, a partner doesn't necessarily need to share exactly the same interests as long as they are not bringing you down about it/not being supportive. If you feel comf around him, maybe you can actually enjoy your differences in time (and learn from eachother)

like said, life is too short to worry about having different political views for example but also made a good point regarding core values.

disagreements are part of any rship tbh...it sort of comes down to understanding where each part is coming from, even of not agreeing with those particular views i think

It's important to think about how these differences will affect your future. Politics don't necessarily need to be talked about all the time, but it can be frustrating since different political parties, especially here on North America, can represent wildly different ideals.

A good thing to do is imagine living with this person. Imagine combining a household. You have wildly different ideas on diet, does that mean you'll always cook separate meals for yourselves? I can honestly say, from experience, that almost never works. When you live together you're suddenly around each other for almost every moment of free time, those differing passions and opinions are suddenly going to clash a lot more. You might be upset about something in the news that he's apathetic about, after awhile that can get very frustrating and feel very isolating.

You might be young, but another good question to ask yourself is, if you want children, can you really see yourself raising children with this person? Wildly different idea about diet, religion, and exercise clash so much harder over how you want to raise kids. Say you want to raise them vegan and he is strongly opposed to that, would either of you give in? Would it become a war the kids get caught in between?

Basically, when you sit down and really think about combining your life with this person, how many little wars do you see erupting?

It honestly depends on what beliefs/values, how dear they are to each of you, and how you each handle that difference. It's one thing to disagree about different foods or maybe a friend of one partner, it's another if one partner has an opposing view on how to raise a child (for example).

I also think it's important to identify how long you want the relationship to last-- is this a life partner or someone you are just testing the waters with and not sure about the future?

My own personal example would be my last relationship, we dated on and off for roughly 2 years (the breaks were rather short periods of time), known a total of 4 years. We were different in some ways, similar in others. What I noticed earlier on I wish I hadn't ignored -- differences in how we:

[a] liked to spend time (I liked to try new things and go out to bars/clubs every once in awhile, they preferred to stick to what they know and could never go to a bar or anything that had certain amounts of people or certain environment)

[b] "political" views (I put this in quotation because as I have gotten older I refuse to call it politics, it is not a game or a job, it is often people's lives and livelihood) -- I am rather involved in the ideas of the radical left although I do not believe in government. I would be very interested in civil rights and things going on. They didn't necessarily have opposing views but didn't care the way I did. They weren't concerned about the world around them fully even if it was a great unjustice. Had friends in the radical right that were just downright racist and sexist.

[c] hobbies -- this is not always a bad thing but in my case i have a plethora of hobbies and they only had one or two and that's what a lot of our time consisted of.

These were strong points for me, stronger than I realized. It took deterioration of realizing this over the years to make me realize it might not work. I still love them very much, but we are not together partially for these reasons.

Side Comment: I absolutely disagree with just avoiding topics/situations/comments that would upset your partner/cause an argument. In certain situations this is a very valuable tool in the short run, however in long term can have some devastating affects on relationships.

At the end of the day the important parts are that you can trust your partner, have more good times than bad, are able to communicate effectively, and respect each other. I hope things work out for you :)

I was just thinking about this the other day. This really cute guy came into my work and we were kind of flirting. He was visiting his grandmother, who is Jewish. I was just musing about what would happen if I dated him and the holidays came up and what would we celebrate and would we get married in a synagogue or what...and then I was wtf self, you don't even know his name lmao.

I would say that it really depends on how important your ideas/beliefs are to you and whether you can handle clashing heads with someone so often. I dated a really nice guy that I shared a lot in common with and I thought that maybe it could turn into something more long-term for once... But then he began to criticize my faith/spirituality on Facebook. I warned him about it; how personal it was to me and that it was as much a part of me as being a gamer is. I honestly didn't care about his own beliefs (or anyone else's for that matter).

All I asked was that he accept it; that he could never change or sway my opinion regarding it; and respect it. I wasn't asking him to convert to a religion because I honestly didn't care. I believe that a lot can be worked on or smoothed over as a relationship progresses... Unfortunately he seemed stuck on this aspect of myself and - since he couldn't accept it - I told him that I wasn't interested in dating him anymore.

We even stopped talking for a couple of months. We've recently gotten friendly again though. I do like hanging out with him and I think he's a great guy, but I know that nothing serious will work between us.

Thank you guys so much for your input.. I'm finding this a pretty difficult situation to be honest since we get along so well (when we are not in disagreement)

That is a really good point, and I have been thinking a bit about the future recently and what potentially raising kids with this person would entail. Again I'm just not sure! and I think its the indecisiveness thats getting to me :s

Thanks for sharing your experience, (also sorry this happened to you) I think reading about your experience has helped me realise I'm on the splitting-up edge of the fence... Its just so hard thinking about what I'm feeling for this guy and what will be better in the long run!

That is really awful, so irritating that the world has so many people that do this :( I had a semi-similar experience in that this guy was making light of something that I had a very tough time with that really shaped who I am today... I explained this and I think it got through to him but unsure.

ahahaha I love that, also I fake marry people in my head all the time so its okay :')

Yeah, it's a shame. I'm really open-minded and I know that I'm not a typical Christian so I prefer to define myself as more spiritual than anything else. I do believe in God, Jesus, the Holy Bible, faith, the after life, and prayer. But I'm not like overly religious either. I don't go to church very often, I play video games and curse, I read 'demonic' books and support the LGBT community. I'm also pansexual.

So I'm totally fine with someone having different beliefs, but I will not stand by while they criticize mine. I'm not going to try to convert you or anything like that. You are free to make your own choices and decisions. If you can't respect mine then you don't need to be in my life.

End of story.

That's something to consider in any relationship: your core values and such. Also brought up another really valid point, especially if the relationship is serious... How the future might look down the road, having kids, etc.

Hope you have a Merry Luminaire / Christmas.

Yeah, I'm fake-married to Jason Momoa, lmao. He doesn't know yet.

When you date someone, you can't get to pick and choose what you do and don't want them to be for you. It's about loving and accepting them for who they are, good/bad/conflicting. NO ONE that you date, is going to agree with you 100% on everything. You have to learn what you are willing to settle for in a partner, and settle things in yourself as well. What are you willing to put aside for the relationship?

Is it worth being with someone despite the different views? Maybe, if you don't look at it as a bad thing. My previous ex and me had hardly anything in common but we kept a really great relationship. I ended it because there were other things in the relationship. My current bf and me have very similar views, but the relationship has bumps.