We are renovating our house. I have major depressive disorder and panic disorder with agoraphobia. My room is a mess and I can't find the will to clean it or keep it clean.

We have a contractor, a very nice gentleman. Last night my dad tells me that he's going to need access to my room to do door stuff and we both know that I can't clean my room that fast even over night, which I've tried before. In any case, my dad says to not worry about it and for me to stay in his room while that door stuff is going on in mine.

My mom all of a sudden just barges in here and starts whisper yelling "Your room is a fucking mess! it's fucking disgusting and it's fucking embarrassing!" etc. I said that I know all of that and I already feel all of that so you don't have to make me feel worse. Then she just slams the door shut and leaves finally.

I know it's embarrassing and shameful and disgusting and I'm sorry. I didn't think they'd be doing anything in our rooms since they were only working on the bathrooms.

Has anyone ever experienced anything similar? What do I do when she comes back to yell at me more? She will do it, and she'll yell at my dad, too. Please help me

So she's embarrassed by it... Realize while that's her problem, it does NOT have to be yours. It is your room, and if you are anything like me, it's the place you go to escape whatever is stressing you out. The last thing you would want to do is stress about cleaning.

Personally, cleaning takes energy I don't often have. Just dealing with day-to-day-absolutely-must-take-care-of wears me out, physically and emotionally. (A lot of people don't seem to realize just how physically exhausting so-called mental illnesses like anxiety and depression can be. The mental state can and does trigger physical reactions, things like muscle tightness or inability to sleep.) So, I straighten up as necessary and unless I need to get to a certain area, some things just stay messy for ages. I used to worry about it anytime someone else had to be in my room, but now I just make sure to hide anything too personal.

My siblings turn up their noses at the "mess" I live in, because they will not try to understand what I am actually having to deal with. There is no way I can make them understand, but I can choose not to internalize their opinions which come from a place of ignorance. I do my best. Good on them for doing "better"...

Do what you can and try not to stress about it. Let her say her piece and throw her fit. Don't fight with her, because it'll probably just put her on the defensive and she will stand her ground. Try to explain, if you get the opportunity to do it calmly. And realize eventually the situation will pass.

It's so calming to see somebody understands, though it's also sad of course ^_^; She does sort of understand I think? I know my dad does though. I did apologize to him, the contractor (thankfully I took my meds beforehand) and said how sorry I was. He laughed a little and said that it's really not a problem and I didn't need to apologize. I kinda reflexively apologized again and cried, went back to my dad's room and kept crying for about an hour. I don't even know why, I just kept whispering sorry. Or maybe I do know why, sort of. PTSD.

I live with my grandparents and I deal with the same things. They don't yell really, just condescending comments that make me feel like crap. Unfortunately, the only solution is to just clean our rooms. I feel so much better and proud when I finally clean.

The contractor probably sees mess all the time, and probably worse. I lived in low income housing with my mom a while and without warning, the work crew came to do something in the attic and the opening just happened to be in my room. I was embarrassed because not only was I myself disgusting and filthy, so was my room. They literally did not look twice or seem to care, and it makes me feel better knowing they see worse all the time.

Also maybe ask your dad to help clean with you? or get a friend? When it seems too hard to clean my boyfriend helps me do it.

You can do it!

Oh my god! hug I think as long as there aren't biohazards in your room, like pet waste, etc, that most home-visit contractors fear much, much worse. My rooms have always been a mess too, my mom liked to tell me my room looks like a boy's room. It's because we have a habit of living in our heads and end up ignoring what's around us. Ultimately learning to keep things clean will be a big help mentally as well.

One really great tip I've learned is that you should try only putting things where it belongs. If it is in your hand, take the minute to find its proper place before ever setting it down. If you see something that isn't in a good spot, just take a second to move it. Do it with a few things each day, instead of making cleaning a several hours-long chore and your room should be on its way up.

I am going through something similar. I have been diagnosed with the same stuff and more, including PTSD. I also have a chronic pain condition and a spinal issue which make it hard for me to do anything physically even if my mental state was ok. But I can tell you that the mental illnesses can be just as disabling and people do not know what it is like until they go through it themselves. Please just know that you are not alone and things will get better in the future.