Hello, I have been struggling in my relationship with my boyfriend. On my end, moreso.

So, we have been together for almost three years and up until recently we have always gone out on dates, planned special events for the holidays and so on. Lately, my boyfriend has not been wanting to do anything. We see each other exclusively on the weekends due to school and work (and we go to the gym together on weeknights).

It has really bothered me, not because he isnt spending money on me or anything like that, but because it just doesnt seem like him to not want to go out. I have talked to him about it and he gets defensive and says "he just doesnt like going out". Odd, because he has always told me he wants to go out and explore the world with me and has always been the adventurous type.

Dont get me wrong, he shows me affection when we are together. Im just tired of hanging out at my place and not doing anything but sit on the couch. I have been making compromises by doing things like buying sushi to have a little date at my house, inviting him to start going to the gym with me so we can spend time with each other that way, and I cook for him to make time at my house special. It just hurts a little that I am the only one putting any effort at this point.

I will ask him if we can go out to eat or go on a picnic or to the park and his response is always "some other time, im tired".

I love him so much and would do anything to make him happy. I just wish that someone would do the same for me.

I hope i dont sound whiny, and I apologize for any typos because im posting from my phone. Thanks for reading and any help. :)

You don't sound whiny, it sounds like something you two need to talk about. If it's something that you've done regularly that has changed suddenly without explanation, there might be something going on on his end. It's a conversation you need to have, because you shouldn't feel like you're pulling the haul. It puzzles me that he doesn't feel comfortable sharing his problems and worries with you. Has something changed for him recently that you can think of that might be stressing or depressing him? Hope he'll talk with you.

Maybe there's something going on with him to make him less energetic or adventurous? Perhaps his job is tiring him out.

It would help for you guys to talk about this. Perhaps he doesn't realize he's not putting in enough effort. Or maybe it's happing for a reason and he hasn't told you about it.

In the meantime think of little dates you can do at home to spice things up! Have dinner with candles or do a DIY together to decorate one of your places. Maybe you can buy a new game (video or board) to try out together. Try a relaxation night where you take a bath and give each other massages. etc.

Is he maybe addicted to a game of some sort at home that would make him want to stay home suddenly? It sounds like both of you care about one another. I think Sound is right, an open dialogue may help.

@/sound @/tree @/potion

Thank you guys so much for all of the feedback! Sorry it took a while to get back. Anyway, I did what you all suggested and talked to him again. This time I made sure to tell him about how serious and concerned I am about the matter and asked him if anything was wrong. He finally opened up a bit and has been worrying over his interview with a good company since it would really impact the future. He has a fear of failing, and I probably should have considered that this may have been the issue. Also, he is not a very openly emotional person, which is why it's so hard to figure out if something is bothering him. Things are better now, and we worked on a compromise and set up a little date schedule to make sure we are having proper one-on-one time together.

Thank you again for all of the help and suggestions <3

I'm so glad you guys sorted it out :) Best of luck to you both in the future <3

Lol, this sounds like my boyfriend and me. You guys need to communicate and tell him what is going on and how you are feeling. I pull more of the weight in my relationship, but I tell him what I feel and so forth - and we work towards a better goal. That is just his personality, he does the same with his mom - even though he really does care. Just laziness - and he is getting better! So it could be somethings...

1. Has he always been like this?
2. Is something going on, on his end?
3. Are you doing something that is irritating him or denting the relationship?