im at a point in my life where i'm having to rely off the generosity of strangers on the internet. i cant work, and while i live at home with my family, they're hostile towards me and my situation and don't get me food i can eat without hurting. so i've been just having open donations for a while now. but not much at all has come in.

but that's a whole other clam, my problem here is that this is making me jealous, and vindictive, of everyone. of my friends. of my partner. i see anyone talk about a new videogame they've been playing, talk about buying nice clothes, anything that involves spending money on something my brain immediately interprets as not being necessary, and i get so angry, and so upset, because they didn't give any to me, how dare they not give any to me! even though half the time theyve all offered to donate or buy me things and i get upset at them and tell them to save their money and take care of themselves first. im so fundamentally uncomfortable with all social aspects of this situation, its bringing out the worst in me and making me feel awful and conflicted. especially since my friend had a medical emergency about a week ago, and i put aside my donations to make a separate campaign to raise money for her -- she got all of it, over five hundred dollars, funded within 4 hours, and ive gotten about a dollar for every week, for myself, and i know she had a goddamn emergency, and i don't have immediate concerns, and all of me is 100% confident that she deserved help more than i do but then suddenly there's an extra 50% that's just Angry. and im havng enough trouble without being at war with myself and angry at and jealous of all the people i love. how in the goddamn hell do i go about fixing this. i hate it, i hate it so much. i hate getting angry that my best friend went to a concert. i hate it

Hi im so sorry you go through this and sometimes i go through that but with strangers i see articles where ppl would make gofundmes or other things and they would be getting thousand of dollars yet here me who struggles works 24/7 i even tried to get donation help to bury my fam member and no one donated so i dont even try those things , life is hard and i agree how its hard not to feel jealous especially when your struggling just to eat,stay strong and hopefully things turn around. Everyone feel jealous but dont let it affect your relationship with your fam or friends and i think it wont hurt for you to accept sometimes when others want to offer you something :)

thank you. i guess thats all we can do huh? oh well

this feeling i feel deeply.... i wish i knew what to say because i have the same thoughts constantly, but i havent been able to figure out what to do. just wanted to let you know youre not alone, and try not to beat yourself up for feeling anger or jealousy. it's only natural. would you be comfortable linking your donation page here? or possibly PM me, i don't have a job so it wouldn't be a big amount but i'd like to help!

I dont mean to assume anything, but if you cant work, and you need food... I mean there are things you can do... All kinds of assistance programs out there like unemployment, disability, food stamps, low income housing, why dont you take advantage of some of that stuff so you arent struggling so much? And if you can, you can donate plasma at a local center for an extra 100 dollars a week, depending on where you live.

im trying to get on disability -- i have been since december -- and first i needed to get insurance (we had just moved), and that took a few months, and then i needed to get all my records to my new doctor, and that took a few months, and i had bloodwork done about a month ago, and only get the results in a week, and i need to know whats wrong for disability, and disability is so hard to get, and my mom works at a government welfare funded facility and said there are thousands of people in the waiting list for it in this state... i just dont know if im ever going to get assistance, you know. i know my friend was on the waiting list for years, and they're in a better state than i am

thank you so much for the kind words, and for the support. every little bit helps. i have a ko-fi that takes donations in amounts of $3

sorry - thank you