So heres some stuff that going on right now (please dont judge me for this)

Last year, my boyfriend and i of 9 years broke up. It was a rough break up, but it was admittedly a long time coming. A little back story. He and i had a really friends ly relationship from the start. never fought. we were basically the same person. I loved him so much. and he loved me, and i know it. But. in the end, it had been 4 years since we were..."Together" if you catch ym drift. and every time id ask him why i got "i dont know" well im a chubby girl and i started to feel liek he didnt "Want" me any more. it was getting so hard feeling like that. Every time id try to heat things up.. id get rejected or he would play it off as a joke. SO it got really hard... and about this time an old friend of mine came into the picture, one that was an online friend, but i had always liked him. well thing between him an i did get a little inappropriate. boyfriend found out. I cut the friend out of my life. i started talkgn to him a few months alter again, same thing happened. This time i didnt speak to him until he messaged me on steam asking if we could talk one last time, i said yes. Well little did i know that that was his way of asking if we could meet. He flew all the way out to Illinois from Rhode island jsut to see me because he was afraid he would never get to meet me and he wanted to see me once in his life. I knew then it would ba hard to forget about him... it was so bad. Nothing happened. we jsut hung out and talked for liek 4 hours till the boyfriend was coming home from work. Things were good for a while. THen Boyfriend started acting weird. staying home from work. coming home from work. Found out he didnt trust me any more (rightfully so) He said he was afraid to leave me alone cause he was afraid is start talking to friend again. So fast forward a few days. He wakes up and hes upset. Well one thing led to another, and he tells me he wants me to go home, back to West Virginia. He said he couldnt forgive me for what i had done and all that. But before this, let me jsut say i caught him doing dirty things with girls online 3 times. and always worked it out with him, I guess i was stupid for that. So i get as much of my things packed up as i could, my brothers came to get me, and i went home. Leaving my life turned upside down, and my cat behind. (he liked boyfriend better any way) So here i am no, over a year later, dating Friend, im pretty happy. Mom is still friends with ex boyfriend and keeps giving me updates on him that i dont want. Hes now dating someone else. He takes her to places he never took me, she has kids , something hes always wanted that i couldnt give him. And it bothers me i guess. I know it shouldn't but ugh, idk why it does. He has a lot of my things out there i left behind and wont send them to me. ive asked him many times. but i mean thats not why im here. Im just... kinda sad i guess. New boyfriend is good to me. but im afraid ill never have with him what i had with the last one. Also let me mention that ex was my first. and my first real boy friend. we had a lot in common. New bf and i dont really have much in common. I love him. but im jsut afraid that i will never have what i had before. idk im sorry for all this.. i jsut have no friends here any more, no one to talk to and its nice to get stuff off my chest... I jsut have no one.. and the community here is so kind. so Thanks if your reading, you dotn have to reply. It jsut feels nice to get stuff out there since i dont relaly talk to any one about it. Please dont think im a bad person...

It doesn't sound like it was a great relationship in the end, but it can be really hard to get over someone. I don't know if it's true, but I heard it takes longer to get over someone the longer you were with them? I'm sure it various by situation and yatta yatta. It was probably best for you to get out of that relationship, because he was making you feel like you weren't desirable and he didn't seem especially interested in keeping the relationship going. Some more time will probably help. Could you ask your mom not to tell you about him? I think that makes it harder to get over someone. I ended up unfollowing an ex on all social media because I just couldn't keep seeing their posts and get over them.

Never settle for a relationship! I hope for the best for you and hope you find happiness!

thank you. its true. it wasnt a good situation, an dim glad im out of it. its jsut tough. Hes ignoring my emails asking for ym things back. and i have him blocked everywhere. but he asked me to because he couldnt stand to see that i had started dating someone so soon. I believe he and i could be friends. eventually. but right now its jsut not realistic. and yea i told my mom that i dont care what he does and that i dont need to k now about it. cause i mean i am glades moved on and hes happy. cause he took the break up a lot harder than i did if im honest. its the memories i miss most i guess. I really appreciate you talking to me. THank you for being kind :)

I hope he gives your stuff back! Could you have your mom ask or pick your stuff up, if they're still on talking terms? I'm not sure if they talk or she just keeps up on him on Facebook. Being friends with exes are totally possible, it does just take time sometimes. You're welcome! :) I'm glad to help a little~

yes they still talk sometimes. He grew very close to her after his mom passed away and i would never take that from him. And a pick up isnt possible. he lives in illinois and i moved hom to West virginia. He emailed me last night actually and said he would send me some stuff after hsi birthday on aug 6. so i hope so. I hope he does it so i can jsut kinda put it all behind me. And you have no idea how much a little kindness helps. I have no one here at home any more. all my friends kinda left or no longer tlak to me, and its nice to even have a small convo with someone. I appreciate it so much.

It can be really hard to get over someone, especially when you're in a relationship so soon after a breakup. I had a similar situation where I fell for someone while in a relationship with someone else, and I had to break it off with my boyfriend to start dating the new guy. It was really hard to try to grieve my loss while enjoying the beginnings of a new relationship. It's okay to miss your ex, but try not to compare your new boyfriend with the old one. No relationship will ever be the same as what you had, but that doesn't mean it's worse, just different. Even though you and the new boyfriend may not have as much in common, that's not always a bad thing. You can have fun sharing your interests with each other and showing each other new things. But it's definitely important to find someone who thinks you're desirable, mentally, physically, and otherwise. I hope things go well for you in this new relationship!

not to excuse or normalize cheating, but I've done it and it just made me realize I needed to break up with the person I was with. It sounds like things with your ex-boyfriend had gone south but neither of you wanted to end it. Your needs weren't being satisfied and eventually something had to give. The best thing you can do for yourself and your new partner is to wipe the slate clean and treat this new relationship differently and not compare it to your old relationship. The last person I was with constantly brought up their ex that they were with over 2 years ago, and with whom they were best friends for nearly 4 years and dated for 3-4. I felt like I was living in their shadow and it's a sucky feeling. Being the other person, try to be mindful and not bring up your ex / try to make new memories or do things that don't remind you of them or think 'well with X this would have been different'

Thank you. I am truly trying. Right now im taking it one day at a time and getting abck into the things i used to love. liek my art. Since i cant be with my new guy atm, im at my parents house, whom i dotn get along with, its jsut me trying to live my life as best i can. Its hard being alone all the time, its hard not having friends, and its hard keeping sane in this situation. btu i am truly trying my hardest to be happy and take all this as it is. I really appreciate your input thank you

I am sorry to hear things have been hard for you for so long. I sincerely hope you get your things back and that it helps you get some closure, and if you aren't meant to be with your current partner, I hope you have the strength and the confidence to find the happiness that you really want in life.

thank you so much, thats very kind and inspiring. I sincerely appreciate your time and kindness :)

That is quite a long time to be with someone, on the brightside, I think it's something admirable to have been able to withstand the ups and downs of a 9 year long relationship. I've heard an interesting theory that (If you believe in the concept of soul-mates) a person can have more than one soul mate in a lifetime. I know in recent times it's given me personally something to think about. Sometimes it seems like it's impossible to find someone who matches the compatibility of the person you once knew the best, but I think it makes sense to acknowledge that one day someone could come along who could surpass your highest expectations, considering people often tend to deceive themselves into thinking that all that they know, is all that there is. And perhaps this new flame simply needs time to burn a little brighter, sometimes these things need a little encouragement, a little fanning, if you will. Life is full of surprises, it's never a bad idea to keep an open mind and resolve to be on the look out for new and positive experiences.

Letting go is always so hard. I had a really special connection with my "first" too. I never really got over him, and we broke up 12 years ago! Realistically, I know we're both totally different people now. It's very likely I wouldn't love him if we got together again. It's important to remember that. You're still in love with what you used to have with him, and there's nothing wrong with that. Keep the happy memories, and make more with your new partner. Appreciate that he helped shape who you are, and continue with your life.

thank you very much. That resonates with me on a deep level because i realized even when i was with him that i was more inlove with the memories we had then the person infront of me. and that wasnt fair for either of us because i knew he felt the same way. Because when i was packing to come home he made the remark "you have to admit... we havent needed each other for a longtime" and it was true. thank you for the kind and encouraging words. it means a lot to me.