So I've pretty much identified as asexual for the past 4-5 years. I realized late in university that I just don't care to be in a relationship, I don't like going on dates, and I just don't think about sex and romance the same way as most other people do. I've more or less come to terms with it now, but I'm still sort of in the mindset that I don't want to give up on love, and I still want it to happen, but the chances that I'm actually attracted to a guy/girl AND they understand/relate to the whole asexuality thing is very slim, so I've started flat out telling people who are interested in me that I'm asexual, and usually they are cool with that, but the problem I am having right now is with a guy who has been my friend for a while. He's cool, we play video games together, I've done some voice acting for his youtube channel etc. and a few months back he asked me out, and I said to him that I'm asexual, I wasn't really into him, and didn't want to date, and he was cool with that, we continued playing video games together and chatting on skype, he even had a girlfriend for a while, but they break it off, she sounded like a bit of a mental case.

Fast forward to last week, he tells me that the reason he broke up with his girlfriend wasn't the reason he had told me, but because he was thinking more about me than her. He tells me he's bee reading up about asexuality to understand it a bit better, which I mean, it's nice that you tried, but then he's like I would totally give up having sex to be with you, and I want to date you like as a friend, and be exclusive with you, and I tried to explain that I didn't want that because a) I'm not really interested in that and b) I don't want to cut him of from a potentially more fulfilling relationship for him, but I don't think it really got through to him. I really don't want things to be awkward between us, but I also don't want to lose what we have, and I don't know how to do both.

TBH this isn't the first time this has happened. I had a friend last year who asked me out and we went on a few dates because I did like him, but I put a stop to it pretty quick because it became evident that he definitely wanted more out of the relationship than I could give, and we kind of had a falling out. I still see him at my church and it's pretty awkward. I don't want that to happen again.

Does anyone have any advice for me? I feel bad, like I'm going around stomping on hearts, but I'm not sure what else I can do.

You said you told him this: "I'm asexual, I wasn't really into him, and didn't want to date." I'm trying to understand why he would later on still insist on dating. It sounds like you are not romantically attracted to him, so maybe try telling him that?

- Not quite that bluntly, but basically yes. But he definitely knows I'm not into him romantically, but his argument is like, we hang out, we go to dinner sometimes, it's like we're dating already, and having a girl who's a friend and whom I can have fun with is my idea of a romantic relationship ... and I'm like... but no, it's not mine. I almost wonder if I should ask him if he would have the same opinion if I told him I was a lesbian, cus from my angle, it's not that different, I'm just not attracted to him physically or romantically.

Hmm, yeah perhaps you could try the lesbian comparison. I see what you're trying to explain to him.

His idea of a romantic relationship doesn't match yours, and even if it did you still wouldn't be interested in that with him. You said you don't think you got through to him... I really wonder why it isn't getting through. You're simply not interested in the type of relationship he is offering.

I wish I could be of more help. I hope things work out and you remain friends.

Quite frankly, it's pretty shitty on his part that he won't accept your orientation for what it is.

I would definitely tell him to imagine if a person tried to pursue a straight relationship with a gay person or a gay relationship with a straight person.

The situation reads like you still think well of him and want to keep him as a friend. This is admirable and good of you. However, I find his lack of respect for you very off-putting as an outsider reading your posts. You sound like a kind person who's being more than considerate of his feelings and I wish he'd extend the same courtesy to you. I wish you luck with your friend, but I just want you to consider that he's not really being a good friend to you.

My two cents: there is usually exactly no point in trying to continue to explain something to someone after the first go. In his response to you where he says "and I want to date you like as a friend" suggests that there is still a fundamental misunderstanding. You dont date someone....as a friend. I would advise you to just simply state what you have to offer him, whether its saying "I enjoy being your friend and want things to remain that way" or whatever.

Being asexual doesnt change the fact that you arent interested. He needs to accept that and/or move on. He may choose to do that by allowing your relationship to be one of friendship or by deciding he needs to step away, and thats his choice to make.

Really wish you the best.

- It's a bit harsh, but it's actually nice to hear someone say that. I always get this guilty feeling when something like this happens, but I really shouldn't have to. Thanks :)

- Haha. very true. That's some pretty good advice, thanks.

Your orientation is irrelevant here, really. You said you weren't interested in dating him and he pressed the issue. He should take no for an answer. If he can't, that's his problem. Don't be afraid to be more blunt about it -- you don't have to be mean (and shouldn't be mean!), but he has to understand that no form of dating is a possibility here.

I don't know, I've been in quite a few of these situations and they're never pleasant, even if you manage to stall them forever. Sorry if I'm overstepping or something, I hope you manage to keep him off. I know you feel bad stomping hearts, but he already stomped your friendship. Sometimes heartstomps are for the best.

- Hearts have been stomped. lol. I think we're on the same page now, but that's good advice for the future.

I'm glad it was still sort of useful at least x)