yes hello! thanks for taking the time to read this. ive got a bit of anxiety and uncertainty in me (along with other things) so i'd like some advice on it if possible, and also if anyone just wants to chat about it if they find they're having this issue as well. (tw mental illness, suicidal thoughts, adhd, depression, medication) this is long i'm sorry

i want to start out by saying i have ADHD, or at least my psychiatrist and i both suspect i do. it's funny, when he first told me he thought i had ADHD i was LIVID and felt really invalidated because i told him i thought i had bpd, but after thinking on it, i realize both my parents have ADHD so there's like basically no way i don't. but i digress as i said, i went to see him initially because i thought i may have bpd along with depression as a comorbidity. but after looking into adhd and a lot of people's success stories, i realize that depression and adhd often cooccur as well. luckily a lot of people said that medication helped alleviate their depression and their life generally improved after. something with adhd is that our emotions are a different severity generally then NT emotions. i thought this was something that everyone experienced so a thought that went through my head pretty frequently growing up was, 'why doesn't anyone else care about this as much as i do?' we also suffer from low self esteem. i suffer from self esteem so low that i think that dying is probably the best way, that there's no hope for me, etc. i'm hoping to try medication soon, but i'm sort of scared to do so i guess. i barely have an identity now and i have a lot of self loathing, but i'm afraid that on medication i'll know who i am again but i'll hate myself even more, like there will be nothing to distract me from my problems or how awful i am. ive been in this deep hole so long i'm afraid to climb out and see what awaits me. i remember when i was happy and in a good place, i thought life was so meaningful, and i believed in soul mates and that everything happened for a reason etc etc. my emotions were so deep and also very misplaced so i was (and still am) very gullible and believed anything anyone told me. i was OBSESSED with my friends. i never did and never would resort to stalking or harassing or anything like that, but i always wanted to spend time with them, and when they would leave for the night i would get upset. i would always text them after we hung out and told them i had fun and loved them etc etc but i know i was really clingy and no one appreciates that stuff. i cared TOO much. i loved TOO deeply. and because of my deep emotions and unrealistic expectations i had of friendships and life in general, none of my needs were ever met. i can't expect anyone to meet them either, they're so deeply rooted.

basically what i'm getting at is this: if you have large scale emotions like i do (or know someone who does), how do you deal with them? i constantly doubt my own perception on things, so i don't ever know if i'm reading a situation correctly or making the correct choice. how do you know how to properly place your emotions? or if you've ever been obsessed with your friends, how did you overcome that, if you have? what are your ways of showing your love to your friends without being too much for them? how do you deal with low self esteem when meeting new people? and finally, if you've ever taken medication for ADHD, what was your experience like before and after and do you have any tips? i'm terrified to start, but this is my one life, and i don't want to spend it being afraid of being happy because i'm afraid i'll be too much for people or hurt them.

even if you don't have ADHD feel free to respond! i'd love to hear your experiences and advice. even if you just KNOW someone with these problems, the perspective of a friend helps a lot.
thank you for taking the time to read this and respond!

First of all im sorry youre dealing with this ... There are ways to cope with very intense emotions (which are not wrong by the way, but they sort of then to take over). Mindfulness is pretty helpful if you want to look into that. Also DBT/ CBT therapies are known to help some. It's not the same thing as meds cause it basically teaches you how to reprogram your thinking and do perception checks. Hope things ease up for you some <3

thank you for your kind words! I appreciate it so much. I've heard a little bit about CBT for ADHD specifically, and I've seen a lot of success stories from people who have had the same problems I have. I didn't know that it helped with perception checks or thought processes, though - I thought it was just going into what was triggering the intense emotions, so that's really useful information.

thank you so much again! I hope things are going well for you. and also your HA is so cute!

I used to deal with my emotions pretty much controlling my entire life. I was very obsessed with my friends, although I deemed it that I overcared and I still tend to do that sometimes. One thing I had to train myself to do was trust them more to come to me if they needed me. I found that I relaxed a lot more and was less likely to explode. It really helped my anxiety a lot once I trained my mind to think differently about people. I used to check in all the time, or worry constantly and I soon realized that it was draining me and them. It is super hard to change your thinking on those things and you have to try actively to do so! You have to want to be better and you'll find your friends will come to you more often with things when you aren't constantly emotional. It took me several years to be more comfortable with not getting anxious or worrying over stuff. I also have ADHD and I have been on medications for it before. They did help with the focusing and I did relax a whole lot more, but I struggled with being angry from them sometimes so I got myself off and began to practice my own coping techniques.

So in my situation when I felt I couldn't stop thinking about a person or wanting to be around them constantly, I would do something to divert my attention. This led me to working actively on a novel and focusing solely on schoolwork. I tried to use my overactive mind in a productive way. This isn't an instant fix and takes some training but it works well for me now. I find on days when I'm on periods or I'm sick that it's a little harder to cope with. I used to be really clingy with people and I am glad I was blessed with patient friends because they tolerated so much of me for so long, but now I'm closer with them because I have found a way to focus on myself, learning to love myself, and seeking out my identity. A lot of identity searching for me included finding books to read that I liked (that were not suggested to me), cutting my hair (which I do when I need to relax), and writing. SO MUCH WRITING. I didn't really discover myself until I started college and became an English major.

All of this takes time and effort and self-searching. I do thing that you should check into cognitive therapy though, that's something that helped me a whole lot when I was going through some awful things a couple of years ago. I really hope the best for you and I know that you can do it! You seem to have the drive to want to improve yourself and I know you can if you just put in a lot of effort and a lot of loving yourself. If you ever need to talk, let me know! :D

ADHD here with experience with my own depression, and also 's depression, anxiety, and ADHD. Addressing ADHD first. I have been predominately off medication for much of my life (I am 26) and have been on medication for a good majority as well. I have mixed feelings. One thing to keep in mind is that each medication used for ADHD affects each person differently. As a child, and as a young adult (20-ish) I was on Ritalin. I was able to focus extremely well, but I found it dulled my emotions to a point where I didn't have any... period. I switched off and requested to try Adderall. With Adderall, I found my focus was less, so I ended up being prescribed 20mg morning and afternoon. Still though, by evening I found that my patience wore thin with any amount of noise, and I was like a mento dropped in a bottle of diet coke with the lid on. I began to hate myself, so I spoke to my mom about it. (She is a Family Practice Nurse Practitioner and I stopped seeing my psychiatrist and stopped the Adderall in order to try a different medication. I tried Welbutrin, and found my focus was much better. I had my emotions back, but my depression deepened when I began to hate myself more because my anger was even more volatile with that medication. I stopped Welbutrin, and my mother gave me a few sample packs of Straterra. It worked the best out of those previously mentioned, but insurance would not cover it, and it was the most expensive out of those mentioned. (roughly $200 a bottle). We stopped Straterra, and I went without for a little while. Granted, I already knew how to cope with my ADHD for the most part. (more on that later) A few years later, Zenzedi, a brand new (specific to ADHD) medication was released. It was a type of amphetamine like Adderall or Ritalin, but it was slightly different. This one hit home for me. Insurance actually did cover it, and I found I was not only able to focus, but I had all of my emotions back, and none were out of control. If I ever go back on medication, it will be that one.

As for coping with ADHD, I learned that at a young age. In 6th grade my mom took me off Ritalin because she was tired of me having no personality. I did terrible in school, but I was a happier child. I learned the distraction technique on my own that Epathia mentioned, and taught her after we met. It is the best way I have found to cope with anxiety from ADHD. Any time my mind wanders to something I know will trigger my PTSD, anxiety, or depression, I literally do anything to keep my brain from going there. I will sing a song in my head, talk to myself, and even sometimes go "LA LA LA" out loud until I think of something that distracts me better. People will tell you that with anxiety/depression that it isn't mind over matter, but it really actually is. Like Epathia said, you have to WANT to get better, and you have to want it badly enough that you don't coddle yourself and allow yourself to think negative things about yourself. Learn to love yourself, FORCE yourself to, because honestly, if you can't love yourself, why should anyone love you? Anxiety and depression like to convince you that you're a victim, and that's what keeps your confidence low.

I have news. You aren't a victim. You aren't tiny, and you ARE NOT ruled by your emotions unless you choose to be. I have had successful experiences on and off medication. My first suggestion is learn to cope without the medication. Don't be afraid to feel things. And if you find there is something about yourself that you don't like, you CAN change that part of yourself. I hated how quick I was to anger. That was a personality flaw of mine, and some of the ADHD meds exacerbated it. I changed that aspect of myself, because I hated it. I still catch myself occasionally. It is an active, every day battle, but I promise it gets so much easier with time and determination. You're a strong person, I promise. So get out there, and kick ADHD's ass with your hella confidence, and your hella awesomeness. Because YOU. ARE. FRIGGIN. COOL.

Also your HA is p friggin awesome so you have hella stylin' skills too. Epathia and I both have had to do a bunch of cognitive therapy on ourselves and each other to learn coping techniques, so if you need help, or to talk to someone, give either(or both) of us a shout. We love helping people out. <3