Hello guys, today I felt like posting and strongly needed some advice. I recently moved out of my parents house and am trying to recover from the abuse I put up with from them. Long story short, my grandmother is representative payee of my Social Security check which I only get $30 out of the whole check even though she buys some stuff for me, and also representative payee of my mother's check. My dad raped my mother when she was a teenager which she has a great amount of anger issues and never married which I was born because of it. I put up with years of my mother and grandmothers emotional and physical abuse which I have scars from and daily calls me names by saying I am stupid and just like my dad's side of the family if they don't get their way. They also threaten me with stuff like putting me in a group home which I am deeply afraid of because how I heard how bad they were or forcing me to go without a meal. They even are racist which they will put down people who are Mexicans just because they live in my area. My grandmother's mother severely abused her when she was a child and feel like this happened to my mother too because of how long this went on. My dad's side is the same way which my Dad died because of the failure of my other grandmother's actions to be a good parent and loving to him. My grandfather who divorced my grandmother from when my mother was a kid told me that their was some dysfunctional family members in that whole bunch and recommended that I find a way out of the situation because of the toxicity that was going on. He even told me about how abusive they were and why he left which he told me that he had to get lots of counseling because he was feeling the same way I felt now. In fact he encouraged me to get the f*ck out of there because it would only get worse with time. However awhile back my grandmother and mother were not always that way, in fact it happened to be a more pleasant time which they had enough support and friends which helped them get over stressful situations. But they lost that support and started getting angry with a lot of people which they started blaming others for their problems. They even started with me which would usually end up with arguments and fights that got physical which I started hating them a lot for. Yeah, I made mistakes such as stealing from them but they like to hold a grudge for a long time and not let go of it. In fact most of the time they even would hold the SSI check over my head and talk about how I would never be a representative payee due to my mental disabilities which I have to argue with them to help me pay for stuff such as laundry and transportation which I resented them because of it. There was times when I would spend the night for weeks at some friend's house due to the severity of the fights and even was crying sometimes because of how I felt. I even don't feel safe over there because of how much they hit me and left scars which leaves me afraid of them. I also felt like the only reason they kept me there was because of the money which I found true after I spent one last night over there. One other thing I want to note is that I barely know anything about both sides of the family because trying to find out who everybody is would take a uphill battle to find out something due to the refusal to tell me. Also my dad was originally supposed to pay child support but never was able to after he died due to my other grandmother cremating him which she gave it to someone else. In fact my dad was neglectful of me as a child which he made empty promises to me and never kept them which I wished him dead. When he died, I never said goodbye and still do not want to. I moved out because I was fed up with all the drama with that whole dysfunctional family caused and wanted nothing to do with them due to how disgusted I feel with both sides. I also moved out due to wanting to better for myself and wanted to find some way to overcome adversity which I sometimes am worried about not achieving it and also worried about my parents being homeless due to to them losing my check. I am also afraid that they my parents will try and spread things that are not true about me which I know I will get dirty looks from other people. Many people I met have told me the same thing which was I needed to leave that situation but now I am not so sure. I get along great with my roommate and even feel safe there but I am very worried that they may come after me or worse. I don't know what to do anymore and am scared for my life which I feel like is my fault. I do want to mention that I have Aspergers and ADHD as well as anxiety issues which I feel like my emotional well-being is going down. What should I do? I turned to Subeta as a cry for help and am really flustered right now. Please help!!

- (I'm tired, so sorry if I don't make much sense.)

I've come from an abusive household and I'm pretty sure I have Aspergers and I definitely have anxiety. I can understand how horrible living like that can be.

Do they know where your roommate lives? Get a restraining order against the abusive family members. But, for your sake, you need to leave. They're not going to get any better, no matter what you think.

Also, check around your area to see if there's an organization that helps with abuse victims. I've had no success with this, but it's worth checking out. Though, keep in mind most only help women that are abused by their spouses. If that search fails, then look for a place that offers counseling. They might be able to help.

None of this is your fault. You deserve a better life, and I hope you're able to get out of your current household.

Do you have a Reddit account? The subreddits raisedbynarcissists and justnofamily are good support groups for people in your situation. The people there will be able to advise you on how to gain independence from your family and keep yourself safe. They'll also be able to recommend resources to help you overcome the guilt and fear your mother and grandmother instilled in you. I think RBN also has a legal subreddit where you can get advice on how to become a representative payee (avoid legaladvice, they tend to have blinders on when it comes to mothers). I wish you the best of luck, and I hope you can get out!