long post, sorry, i need a rant! lol!

tw for mentions of abusive men/gaslighting/kidnapping

backstory: so we've been living in our current apartment for almost a year now, we'll be moving next month, and since day 1 we've had issues with our abusive POS neighbor from across the hall constantly terrorizing his GF, his children, and the rest of the people in the building, and generally being a controlling, manipulative, entitled prick - and yes, we've called the cops on him, but it's never been enough to get any results. But trust me, the abuse is inescapably obvious; if the building-shaking, bloodcurdling screaming, hearing-their-words-plain-as-day fights weren't enough, there have been multiple, numerous incidents where he openly (like, outside, not just in their apartment) tried to hurt or manipulate or isolate her, hurt his own children, run her over with his truck, and kidnap her child. it's pretty bad.

so after a YEAR of hearing him threaten to break up with her and move out - about once a month - he FINALLY finished packing up his shit about 2 weeks ago and left. the last day that he was here, i witnessed him letting their less-than-1yr-old kitten out of the apartment and intentionally locking him out before leaving for good. the cat is so young he doesn't have all of his teeth yet and isn't fixed, so he was terribly confused and crying very loudly in the hallway, and when nobody answered both of us yelling and knocking on the door, I brought him into my apartment to wait for the GF to come home - which she did, 11 hours later. (I was so glad I found him and that he hadn't like, let him OUT out, you know??) she barely thanked me even though as soon as we saw she came home we ran out to greet her and had the cat in the hallway waiting for her. "My boyfriend got a new apartment because this one's too small," She told us. "He's so irresponsible about the cat when he's packing!" I desperately wanted to tell her what I saw - and planned to - but she seriously like, almost ran from me, so I didn't get the chance.

A few days after that incident, a friend of mine was leaving my apartment with me and noticed that their door was open - she was able to simply push it and see that nobody was home, except the kitten, and she closed it as tightly as possible behind us on our way out. ever since Asshole left, the GF has been here very rarely, presumably working more to pick up the slack on the bills, but maybe stopping in for a few hours every night or morning. so not only was the jerk idiot she's apparently still dating totally not above hurting and/or neglecting an animal to get to her, she turned around and was leaving this kitten alone for what seemed like days on end behind an unlocked door! not that i'm trying to be judge-y, but that's just?? a bad idea???

unsurprisingly, a few days after that, the cat went missing again, and evidently she still hasn't found him because this morning I woke up to hear rustling at my door and my own cats acting very strange, so I snuck up to the door quietly to find none other than the GF trying to pick my lock from the other side. I don't have a car and nobody else was parked here, so she must have thought nobody was home. first she tried with a credit card, then she left the building, came back, and tried with something else. I think she tried to pick it maybe 2 or 3 times, and calling out to the cat (w/ no response, of course) before she gave up.

I just put the chain on the lock and watched thru the peephole, but I didn't confront her or say anything because:

a) that would be so awkward lmao (and its scarier than it sounds when someone is on the other side of ur door trying to get in??? i have anxiety I can barely talk to a person that wants to see me and is expecting me, lmao???) and

b) I truly don't believe this woman needs to suffer any more indignities right now, and seriously, I would have done the same thing if I thought my neighbor stole my cat. even tho she's totally wrong. lmao.

frankly, if I thought someone stole my cat from me I'd probably be a lot less considerate than just picking the lock, my cats are my actual babies and I would protect them with my life, so I don't blame her at all, but like... we don't have her cat anymore lmao. we gave him back readily and as soon as possible, so i guess it's a little annoying that she'd immediately assume it was us when i rescued the damn cat and babysat him all day, stressing the heck out of my own cats, for practically no thanks, but like... I get it. (you'd think after a year of living next to each other "I rescued and spent the day with your kitten" might be a good time to introduce yourselves? I kinda thought maybe we'd do that? But nah)

So anyway... that was awkward and weird lmao. Yes, a part of me wishes that I would have cracked open the door and been like "Psst. Your stupid boyfriend let him out on purpose, take it up with him." Or like, offered to let her come in and look around so she would feel better, because I know she's hurting, but like I said... the anxiety while this was going down was a LITTLE HIGHER THAN EXPECTED. LMFAO. I don't have to be scared of someone to be freaked out that they're actively picking my lock and don't know I'm on the other side. That was just... an utterly bizarre experience.

And like, I hate that I'm saying this because I don't want to judge her in any way, I know these situations and they are not cut-and-dry, and I totally get why she would want to have a cat in this situation because she must feel so alone... but I can't help but feel like maybe it's best that he got out, even though she can't get out with him. We live about 2 blocks from the humane society as well so I think he had a pretty good chance of getting picked up.

So yeah...

tl;dr neighbor tried to break in not realizing i was inside, looking for her missing cat; was unsuccessful i'm not scared of her but i have been dissociating all day because the combo of surprise and anxiety rly threw off my groove lmao debating whether i should tell my BF or if it would just make him freak out a little bit. he's also been worried for the little guy - and would also bust down a door to save our cats - but he's got hella anxiety and im not sure if telling him will just make him paranoid.

I'm so sorry that this is happening to you, it sounds like a horrible place to live! Speaking as someone who is a paranoid significant other, I think you should tell the BF. That way he'll be prepared if it happens again, and it just might.

I'm so glad you're moving. I wouldn't be able to handle an abusive man and them screaming all day, plus her attempt of trying to break and enter. A part of me thinks she's a stripper or hooker... maybe that's why she's gone pretty much what seems like forever? I don't know.

I did tell my BF, and he said he was glad I did. I also offered to write her a note and be like, "Listen, I was here when you were trying to get in but I didn't want a confrontation, if you absolutely have to come check you can just text me first..." That way, we can know her motive for coming in has been removed.

And actually, I've lived way worse places. I've loved this apartment tbh! It's way tiny, but if my bf hadn't found a house he wanted we would have stayed here another year. It has more windows than any other apartment I've ever lived in and my cats have been so happy here! Plus it's like a half mile from the water so I can walk down and see pelicans and stuff. Yes, in higher-end places where the landlords actually give a crap, it matters whether your neighbors are constantly threatening each other, but frankly I've been way more worried about the neighbor lady thru all this since it's truly mostly her problem and it totally sucks for her.

Honestly, I don't think she's a sex worker, and she was, it wouldn't matter to me at all; but she's always gone during the day, wears business casual clothing, and judging by her BF's personality and some of the more political stickers he chose to decorate his cars with, I'd say he wouldn't tolerate that in the least. He's a bit, uh... "traditional," if you get my meaning. He'd like, quiz her at the door before he'd let her in, she'd be in her business clothes, and he'd be like, "Did you go to work today?!" And she'd be like, wearing a pressed, white, frilly blouse and black work pants going, "Why would I be wearing this if I didn't?!" I really feel a lot better now that he's gone. She never bothered me in the least... except the one time she tried to break in. Lmfao.

I think I actually might leave her a note for her to see next time she's here. I can see that going a couple of ways... like maybe she'll ignore it, or maybe she'll take me up on the offer to come in, or maybe she'll be like, "Why didn't you let me in when you heard me?! You hid him!" But like, at least trying to come to an understanding might be a show of good faith? I'm not interested in reporting it or telling the landlord, at all; I don't want her to get in trouble for trying to find her little kitty because as far as I'm concerned, there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. I just don't want her to do it again and potentially give my cats the opportunity to get out.

I personally don't think inviting her in is a good idea, especially if the man was very sketchy. You never know what's on people's hidden agendas.

If she's sketchy enough to try to BREAK IN to your home rather than KNOCK to see if you had her cat. then don't be so friendly to her. Keep yourselves distanced until you move out. Keep a notebook of when this happened, times and such, incase you know.. your neighbors bf decides to come back and finds out she tried to get in and wants her to go further so they can steal shit. Good job on putting a better lock on the door. I would definitely speak to her about this matter, and tell you what you saw and that you didn't appreciate her doing that. Yes she's had a hard life but that doesn't excuse her clearly CRIMINAL act of breaking into your house. What if she had got in and saw the cat wasn't there, and decided to take other things? What if your cats had gotten out while she broke in? Do not be so kind to her, she was ready to break into your own home. You didn't have him, and you saw her trying to jimmy your door. She has no reason to be excused. Even if she questions why you didn't answer your door, you have no reason to answer. Especially if you SEE HER doing that, she should be ashamed for going to such lengths instead of just leaving a note asking.

Yeah definitely try to get out of there as soon as possible! And if the kitten happens to be close by (outside their apartment) when you go... just scoop it up and take it with you. Yep, it's stealing. Nope, it's not wrong. That's a living creature that's being abused. It's not like she's going to track you down either and clearly she cannot or will not take care of it. Like I'm sorry for her situation and I know that people being abused are completely messed up mentally so they're not able to understand what's happening to them but the cat doesn't need to suffer too and in some ways it could be better for her to not have the cat because it's one more thing she needs to pay and care for when she can't afford to.

Besides, someone being abused doesn't give them a free pass to abuse others (humans or animals) so her trying to break into your apartment is FUCKED UP and she could've gone to jail for it. Please don't let compassion for her stop you from taking the necessary steps to protect yourself, your animals and your property. She could have easily harmed your cats, either directly or by letting them get out of your apartment. She could have taken your stuff because she needs money and she's desperate and thinks she can take advantage of you because of your good nature.

I hope she can get the help she needs but you gotta look after yourself, your pets and your stuff first. And the kitten if she's going to let it wander around outside and possibly get hurt. :/ Besides, if she's paying bills for herself and her kid then she probably can't afford to keep the kitten anyway and she'd let it starve before she let herself and her kid starve.

I wouldn't even leave her a note. Just keep notes on what she's doing in case you need to go to the police. I would just not even talk to her unless to say, "If you try to break into my apartment again I'm calling the cops." But that might not be your style. I'm just more vocal with those kinds of things (it's probably stupid of me).

Get that kitten away from that woman, if you happen to see it again before you move.

An unattended toddler broke into my apartment one day. I never swore so much at a child before or since. (And it still continued to try to afterwards!)

You are not alone. I have abusive loud neighbors down the hall, above and next door. In order of most to least ignorant and unstable. This does not include people who open racebait or harass women on the street in broad daylight and hang around yelling socially regressive opinions before daybreak.

It's a crowded neighborhood and we're affected with the bystander effect when it comes to confronting them. Sketchy violent people cross the line, only guilty people like them would mind judgment towards them.

` There were other people's handprints (theirs) all over MY door before it got repainted in January. It was visibly dirty.