[Trigger warning, just in case, esp. if you have misophonia/kinesia.]

I work at an assisted living home for seniors and I have one resident who triggers the shit out of me. He is making my life miserable. I have misophonia and misokinesia (forms of synesthesia, Google it). I also have generalized anxiety and this exacerbates that as well. He whistles all the time when he's walking around, he taps on the walls/chairs/etc. all the time, he says certain words over and over, he laughs in an odd, random way...all of these things are bad triggers for me, especially the whistling and tapping. It's basically torture for me to listen to him, but there is absolutely nothing I can do about it. When he does these things, I feel so angry inside, I feel like my head's going to explode. My thoughts are just 'please leave, please go away, please STOP I CAN'T STAND THIS ANYMORE'. I've tried talking to him, but he has dementia and doesn't understand what I'm telling him. I can't just tell him to stop (which eases my symptoms with people usually, although I hate doing it). I don't think I can explain things to his family to get him to stop (they'd hate me and probably report me) or my boss (who knows what she'd do). I wish, more than anything in the whole world, more than wanting to win the lottery or see Trump impeached, that he would leave this place and never come back. I hate him and I hate that I hate him because I don't like to hate. But he makes life so painful, I just want him to go away. I can't quit my job, because I love pretty much everything else about it, and for someone like anxious, depressed me, that is a huge thing.

I don't know why I'm posting this here, except that it was really bad today, to the point where I want to quit (which I can't, because bills) or just hide under my desk and bawl (which I can't, because I'd get fired). The only thing I can think to do is type an anonymous letter and put it under my boss' door, detailing that this resident is bothering 'someone' and why.

i'm sorry you're feeling like this, Lisa. i also get easily triggered y certain people, especially at certain times. even today 1 of them got me so angry i exploded badly on them. and they don't even care. they will just use that to make me look like the evil one [i don't really care about that].. i just want them to stop all contact, or thoughts of contacting me or those around me.

this post may not help you with anything. i just wanted to tell you that you're not alone, and feeling like this because of triggers ... is sometimes natural. i wish i could help you more. is it ok to send you a virtual hug?

Thanks. It's always nice to not feel alone with this, which I feel a lot. And it's totally ok to send a virtual hug, as long as I can send one too. :)

of course you can!

and, you're definitely not alone nor the only one feeling like that. you were unlucky not to find others ;) [well, until now]

ugh i'm sorry >: my boyfriend has misophonia and i know how he gets when there's a trigger noise around him (we can't eat near each other unless we play music or something to cover the chewing sounds), so i can only imagine how stressful it must be when you have to be around that at work!

i wish i had some advice or something, but i have yet to find anything that helps my bf either (except I know he follows r/misophonia on reddit so that he can read about other ppl's experiences) so i guess i'm also just popping into let you know that you're not weird or anything for having that! i just wish there was a way to soothe that feeling when it's happening, i'm sure it makes your job much harder than it already is, and working in an assisted home is nothing to sneeze at to begin with!

Aw, I totally understand how you feel. I didn't know about misophonia until I saw some of your older posts about it which made me realize that's what I have too. I've always been bothered by certain sounds to the point that I could have an anxiety attack and I never knew why lol I'm also autistic so sensory overload is a bitch.

Most of my issues with sounds are pretty much any wet mouth sounds. :( Eating, drinking, kissing, stuff like that. Some people in my family are just the WORST when they eat too. Slurping, lip smacking, eating with their mouth open, etc. It sucks to get so angry and anxious around family when they're not doing anything wrong.

I definitely sympathize!

Ugh, I feel your pain, but I only have to deal with it 3 hours a day. The people that sit near me in my English class.. one of them is constantly chewing/sucking on his lips, and the other repeats everything the instructor says, or tries to finish his sentences. They both absolutely enrage me but I feel like asking them to stop would be incredibly rude so I just let it simmer and resent them. It's such a shitty situation. :(

I have a lot of the same symptoms as you do, I'll tell you the same thing I tell myself every single time it happens: get over it. It's unnatural to be this sensitive and whether it's therapy, medication or sheer force of will, you need to get stronger. I'm proud of your for doing your job even though it must be hard sometimes, and that gives me faith that you can beat it.

I feel for you. Although I don't have your condition I fully understand where you are coming from. My husband taps on stuff and it gets rather annoying. Would your work place possibly allow you to wear earbuds so you can play something soothing while you are attending this patient? I would think that your boss would be understanding if you explained the situation and asked permission to do so first.

I too have misophonia (and trained as a cna during my education, I know that struggle), and I work in a health care setting too... like said, this is a thing you have to grit your teeth and bear... a part of the struggle of misophonia is dealing with our triggers, because we can not reasonably expect the rest of the world (especially those without their full mental faculties) to modify their activities hard on our unique set of triggers... especially in a patient care setting, our duty is to our patients, to take care of them to the best of our ability...we are literally servants to their medical needs. If or when the time comes that you can not provide optimal care die your patients, the only resolution is to stop being a caregiver. I know that my days are numbered in my profession (repetitive strain injuries and msk issues put most of us into retirement), and so I am taking classes to learn another skill for when the time comes that I can no longer scan. If you can not provide proper patient care because of your patient agitating your misophonia, you need to start looking into other marketable skills to get out of your profession.

The thing is, dementia can cause a person to do things like the ones you've mentioned without them noticing it at all. Think of a broken record playing the same passage of a song again and again and again. We had a resident who yelled "HELLO" like 24/7 (and with "yelled" I really mean it), not because she needed help or wanted attention but because it suddenly had manifested in her brain like on autopilot. I know that it can be painful and annoying (I have a very low tolerance for certain noises as well.) but I don't think that he does it intentionally or to harm anyone around him, he is just trapped in his own little world and can't help it.