Before you get the wrong idea and call me a misogynist in the comments, hear me out...

For a long while now, I have always wanted to get into dating, but I've been putting it off for awhile now. Why, you ask? I've been hearing more and more stories about abusive relationships, and them escalating into much more worse forms of abuse, including cutting, bruising, and even SHOOTING their partners. It's just as bad with emotional abuse, where the partner will simply manipulate the other emotionally in order to repeat the cycle of awful, awful abuse. Additionally, I've heard stories of men that are RAPED by their female partners, and getting away with it, or accusing their partner of rape for no reason, even when no such event happened, and still getting away with it. Imagine if you caught an STD, or if your rapist had a child, and you end up paying child support for it, or you lose a case for a false claim, and end up serving time in jail without any sort of evidence? What now? What's worse is that I also hear of some cops laughing off the man's situation, and not doing jack shit about it, and/or he gets mocked by his friends for not doing anything in that situation, despite being powerless to do so (usually). I'm pretty bitter about this, obviously, and it makes me not wanna date, or stand too close to a woman plenty, because I'm scared to get in trouble for no reason, and I feel like I might end up with an awful, awful lady who'll treat me like dirt and stomp on my heart. Maybe it sounds irrational, maybe it sounds like I had one too many pills. Fuck, I don't know anymore!

(Obviously, I know abuse and rape can happen to anyone, of any age, any gender, any whatever. Just trying to set my perspective here. I am terribly sorry if what I'm saying bothers you)

youre over thinking this dude are you gonna never drive because you could crash and die are you gonna stop eating because you could choke are you gonna never have pets because they could attack you literally everything in life ever has a threatening downside

sneezing could kill you

If you start a relationship and the woman you are with turns out to be not what you were dreaming of in whatever way you can think of you always have the option of ending the relationship. Being together with someone usually isn't a one-way tunnel or something.

I think the problem I'm having is the fact that if I end up in a bad relationship, I might not be able to get out, mostly because that partner may threaten to do an ultimatum on me, and sometimes, I feel like the cops are useless. I know this doesn't apply to every relationship, and I know every other relationship that doesn't work out can end in mutual agreement on why it didn't work out, but me being me, I tend to "accentuate the negative" at times of stress. I'm hoping that, should I ever get into dating, I can reverse that way of thinking.

The fears that I am expressing, LUX? Sorry if I seem a bit farsighted.

I know it's irrational to be scared of a lot of things. Believe me, I don't wanna be so nervous all the time.

You know this might just be a time in your life where you're just not actively looking to date anyone. There's nothing wrong with that. You may meet someone that you trust and like and wanna date, or start feeling ready to take the risk and date someone.

But you are right there are a lot of unfairness when it comes to men being abused or even having sex with a girl while she is drunk. What if you're both equally drunk? People say its the guy's responsibility to "know" and not to have sex or else get accused of rape. I just don't get it.

If your scared of false acused rape/paying child support etc, than just don't sleep with the person before you know her better. It's that easy. Meet her on public places and with friends till you build trust. When I read through some internet stuff I get the idea too, that women are all crazy, but than I think about the once I know, and even if I wouldn't date them, they seem pretty descent to me. And my Mama is great.

I'm not going to play the "Now you know how women feel" card, that's just rude. I met this guy last year out of the blue who commented on my gaming shirt and he has been nothing but kind and polite to me, on top of his nonstop flirting. Who knows? You just might need to go peering through a different circle or stop looking and let them find you. I wish you the best of luck. c:

- I've had a similar mindset towards men before for specific reasons. I was scared to be anywhere near men and couldn't stand the thought of one touching me. That was a big reason I didn't date until I was 22. After some time in therapy and hanging out with male coworkers and classmates, I was finally okay with dating, I ended up with a few failed relationships. But, with those failures, I learned more about myself. 4 years later, I'm happily engaged.

Anyways, what I'm saying is don't rush anything. Don't date because you feel like you need to. Only date because you have feelings for someone. Relationships that happen randomly are usually much more successful than ones that happen when you're actively looking.

Since you're going to college, it'll be the perfect time to meet new people. There is a much greater freedom in college than in high school and you're much more likely to find a variety of people. College is also the perfect time to learn more about yourself. Learning about yourself will help you be more successful in a future relationship.

While there's stories of women being outrageous, remember that it's usually the worst and craziest women that get the spotlight. There's so many nice women that are quietly living their lives. If you end up with an awful woman, leave immediately. Start building a support system (friends, family, etc.) that will help you if something happens.

-clutches heart-

Don't let anyone control you, abuse you, or manipulate you, and don't ascribe those traits to a gender. I just... I can't even with this. I'm constantly immersed in murder culture and facts due to my hobbies and I can reassure you that the likelihood of this happening to you is even lower than dying from lung cancer due to smoke from a campfire. I fully support men who've been assaulted and abused. I'm fully aware of precisely the things that get men killed by women. I still am worried at what you just said.

The title man... I'm going to encourage you right this instant to go get help and talk to a therapist about this. I've only heard that phrase once, and it was from Elliot Rogers, the Virgin Killer. It makes my skin crawl. Everyone here is right: this is a fear that you can't allow to hurt and control you. The inequalities of gender, the shaming of emotion towards men and women alike, the shaming of truth... you can't be afraid of them. As a survivor of abuse and sexual assault, I ask you to PLEASE go do something for your soul. This fear and pain you're directing at women is coming from within you, not from them.

I'm not going to call you names. I'm begging you to go talk to a professional before you allow this to become your core mindset. It's good you said it. Now go tell someone who has answers.

If the news and stories are starting to get to you, I would recommend seeking out female friends irl first before getting into dating. I don't necessarily mean you should find friends with the intention of dating them, but I think you should try to surround yourself with people who have healthy attitudes and who are decent to you so that you can reaffirm some of the trust you've lost.

Remember that there aren't going to be a lot of stories out there about all the normal and positive relationships between people, because typical social bonding is not news-worthy. They gain followers by finding common, existing anxieties and exploiting them. If there are certain sites you go on or people that seem to encourage you to feel this way, you may want to take a step back and consider if they have a specific bias that they're pushing or at least make conclusions based off of your own experiences.

Also, if this is really getting to you, you may want to seek out a professional or even just a free hotline to help you work through your concerns. There is no point in starting a relationship if you go into it expecting it to fail or you're constantly searching for reasons not to trust your partner; you'll keep looking until you find something.

because someone has hurt them.

OP is being fear-mongered by the media. He just said he has no experience and is literally jumping to conclusions because that's the type of news he's either actively looking for or being spoonfed.

please stop looking for negative news if it's doing this to you. Sometimes sites like fb monitor your browsing patterns and give you what they think you prefer to read. Stay away from sites that pander to any mono-demographic (race,ethnicity,religion,class...) targeting crowd, and bias theme in your case female-villainization. Chances are those sites are garbage if it's only targeting or getting views and/or responses from the same people + perspectives.

This IS going to bother a lot of people because it is divisive, fear is what prejudice derives from. They've successfully baited you into resenting women before you tried to know them. Since you're aware of you're feelings the next step is changing your thought process.

Thoughts drive action. Seriously just go out and try to get to know people so your fear does not manifest into hate. Ignore friends with these attitudes if you have to. Mental and emotional health matters.

Putting your trust in anyone ever is always a risk. Just follow this one simple rule and you should do fine: DON'T PUT YOUR DICK IN CRAZY.

I get that your fears are coming from a place of genuine concern. However, stating that you are starting to loathe women because some of us do bad things isn't going to get you anywhere. You can't blame an entire gender for the things some women (and men) do. As a few of the others here have mentioned, if you're really worried of these things happening, then it would be wise to refrain from being intimate with them in a sexual way until you really really know them and know that you can trust them. Don't put yourself in a situation you're not comfortable in. If someone you're interested in or dating makes you uncomfortable, remove yourself from the situation. In the mean time, work on your hatred for women or you honestly don't deserve to date anyone.

You're overthinking this. You said it yourself, this can happen to anyone. And statistically, women are more likely the ones to be victims of abusive relationships. Honestly, I don't understand how you can loathe women when this is very unlikely to happen to you. Loathe is a very strong word. I could easily say I loathe men for the same reasons, but I don't.

Get to know someone before you date. Don't rush things. And if you ever do find yourself in an abusive relationship, leave.

I think you should be afraid of people in general...not just one sex

I mean I was raped by both a man AND a woman (on separate occasions- not like some sadistic couple thing)...

Your just as likely to be raped or abused by a guy friend of yours.

I saw a documentary where this guys "good" male friend drugged him and basically kept him as a sex slave locked in his apartment (in a drug induced stuper) for weeks (basically until he got bored of him and 'let him go" to find another victim)

If your that worried about being stuck in an abusive relationship I second the advice everyone is stating here....don't date for awhile..

And I would add- don't hang out with friends one on one in private places (Stick to large groups or public places or both)

Because friends can take advantage of you sexually too or beat the shit out of you or lie and say you abused them (& cops might still laugh at you or not believe your side of the story or take you seriously)

Best of luck