there seems to be nothing here....

You should have left as soon as his comments started getting more inappropriate. Pretended to take a call, or read a text message and being like, 'gotta go now,' would have been a couple ways to escape. As soon as he put his hands on me I would have been out of there, that is absolutely not acceptable in any way. But you can say 'what if's' all day, what's done is done. Obviously this guy was an asshole with serious boundary issues and shouldn't have done what he did, but you also flirting back with him is... not good.

I think your boyfriend's main problem is you not telling him the truth in the first place. I don't think that a person in a relationship should have to ask the other person if they can hang out with other people, but you being alone with another guy -- especially at night, comes across as a bit suspicious, even if you are just friends (or were in this case).

I believe your boyfriend is just going to need time. During said time, I would really work on trying to get a hold of your flirting with other people. I also have this problem in that my friendliness and flirtiness can become intertwined, but I am always conscious of how I behave around other people's S.O.'s because I would never feel comfortable with someone doing that to my boyfriend/etc. so why would I do that to someone else? When you're unattached it's one thing, but when you're in a relationship actions generally speak louder than words imo.

I'm glad that you're learning! I totally understand the feelings of pleasure of being chased, and enjoying the flirting game -- definitely something I have experienced! But it's not something you want to continue while you're seeing someone -- especially someone you're serious about, which it seems like you definitely are.

I'm not sure. I suppose you could bring it up and mention that you made a mistake, and that you'll learn from it and not do it again, and that you'll work on how you interact with people. Re-iterating that you love him, and that it hurt you that he said something like that -- but also acknowledge that you hurt him too. It could also further your communication by telling him how you really feel, and you want to be honest with him, and vice-versa.

But I'm by no means an expert, hopefully everything works out :)

(sorry this is longer than I expected it to be! Lol) I can see both sides to an extent.

First off, I would've kicked that guy where it hurts if he tried to pressure me the way he did to you. He has no right. Like you said, you're in a relationship. Even if you weren't in a relationship but you didn't have feelings for him, he should've taken that as a "you're off limits" sort of deal, but instead he tried to force it on you. I am not assertive by any means myself, but that's taking it way too far. I know your boyfriend kind of set the line but I don't think I'd be able to hang with that guy again regardless after that lol.

Everyone has different perspectives on what defines as "cheating" and what does not. Personally, I'd be pretty hurt if my fiance (or even while we were just dating) flirted with other girls behind my back. Or with me knowing. And I know he'd feel the same if I flirted with other guys. So yes, I suppose I would view it as cheating, though someone else may not.

However, like you said, you learned from your mistakes. I do think your boyfriend has the right to be upset with you due to the lies and whatnot, but I also think he's being a bit over the top. But at the same time, people view certain things differently from others. Maybe he doesn't realize how much he has hurt you when he said he was "this close" to breaking up with you. But likewise, maybe you don't realize exactly how much you hurt him when you lied about your friends and didn't mention that a guy tried forcing himself on you (even if it was just a kiss and nothing else.) Of course I don't know for sure, but maybe he's got stuck in his mind that you never intended to tell him about it, ever. You did mention that the truth slipped. But overall, saying that he's "a fool for trusting you and loving you still" is excessive. He shouldn't verbally hurt you like that.

I'm also not an expert, but I do think you should talk to your boyfriend. It's going to hurt you more to bottle up your feelings rather than talk to him about it. Let him know you understand that you hurt him, but he hurt you as well. It's possible that it's something that he said that was very in-the-moment and didn't really mean it. I hope an argument wouldn't result from doing so, but ultimately being open to each other will help make you guys stronger.

Also, he can't just forbid you from hanging with other guys. My fiance and I personally have a mutual circle of friends where most of them are guys, but he's fine with me hanging with them. But I have no interest in any of them as well. Maybe once you overcome the urge to flirt with guys and gain his trust, he'll ease up with you. You are both hurt right now and ultimately you just need time to heal. But keeping things to yourself will prolong that healing process. Being honest, even if it makes things a little tense, will feel much better than constantly thinking about it.

Aw, yay! I'm glad everything worked out and you guys are back in each other's good books. :) I'm glad talking it out seemed to help.

That's great news! I'm glad to hear that you explained how he hurt you as well. I had a feeling it was a "in the moment" thing, but those sort of things can really hurt for longer. Sometimes you just have to let the steam die down and talk it out with a clear head later on.

I know that you said this has been resolved, which is super awesome! I just wanted to tell you that the guilt you feel for wanting to hang out with your friend is slightly misplaced in my opinion. Flirting is something that happens between humans, sometimes without intent. There was no way that you could tell, before going out with him, that he would try and assault you. That is what that was, by the way. A sexual assault, however minor. As someone who has been in the exact situation, sans an actual boyfriend at the time, I understand how very difficult it can be to disengage from a situation while you are in the middle of it. For those of us with major insecurities, it can turn into a really anxious problem where you are torn between being "rude" and just leaving and brushing it off as you had always done before. I find it very important not to take all of the blame into yourself, like it kind of felt like you are doing. Remember that he is the one that tried to force himself on you after you made it clear you were not interested. No amount of light flirting gives him the moral upper hand in this scenario after he physically forced himself on you. Do not blame yourself for him assaulting you. Period.

As for your boyfriend, I have a little concern about how he processed the information. I think he was well within his right to be upset with you for lying to him, but his first concern should have been your safety and not his jealousy. That is something that he needs to work on within himself. The act of cutting off the "friend" is a good idea in general, but I fear that your boyfriend wasn't commanding that of you for your safety as much as his own personal insecurities. It is important that you guys talk about what happened from a sexual assault standpoint as well. You did well in the situation, and that should be celebrated. You lied, and why should be discussed, but do you 100% know why you lied? Is it really because you were only afraid of how he would react? You don't have to tell me the answer, obviously, but if you guys are going to have a healthy and strong relationship, you need recognize where you both failed each other in handling this experience and how you can better support each other. Like perhaps have a pact that, should either one of you feel like you are in a situation where you need to get out, you can rely on the other to help you, no questions asked. Then, if you ever find yourself in a situation like this where you don't know how to disengage yourself, you can text your boyfriend and he will be there for you.

But overall, yay for working things out and moving forward! That's awesome!

the end

Never let anyone make you feel guilty for being you. Always be honestly and apologetically you and screw anyone who doesn't like it. If you have any more "friends" like the one in the original post I recommend mace. :) I'm glad your BF admitted he was wrong for threatening to break up with you, but please remember to never let anyone hold their relationship with you over you. It's a classic abuse tactic and one that works especially well on people who have a hard time saying no.

Necro'd thread.