Hey guys. I am in need of some advice/guidance.

First off I'd like to state the guy I'm seeing I've only been with for, for 4 months. I know it's a short time and I should chill out. The thing is I didn't have any concerns like this with my last relationship until almost a year I'm asking now or maybe I just need to chill out.

I'd also like to put In there that I have an implant for my birthcontrol and for awhile I was taking another one with it to help some issues but I had to stop taking it because it was making me crazy. Just btw.

So yes, I do feel like I want to leave my boyfriend. He has been very supportive of me, does nice things for me so my parents asked me what are the top 5 reasons why? And I was pissed this morning so it's a little rude so here it is

Also our sex life is done. Usually I'm very active with my partners but it's been i dont know how long and I have no drive or desire whatsoever with him at all.

And these are minor things. I understand we have flaws and things that will annoy us and I'm probably beating a dead horse and answered my own questions already but honestly I'd just like a second opinion. Like am I the only one who gets into arguments or feels annoyed as soon as they see their partner? Why do I feel sad when I see those happy couples who seem like they have a perfect relationship??

My advice would be to end the relationship. If you talk about him like that only after 4 months, you two are not a good fit. I can feel the frustration when I read your words, and really this kind of frustration after such a short period of time is not a good sign. Also the fact that your sex life is already pretty much over is a sign that this isn't going anywhere. Are your really willing to stick with someone who makes you this annoyed and with whom there is no real physical attraction for a long period of time?

I know it's always hard to end it and it will make the both of you very sad, but in the long run you will probably be happier without him, even if that means that youŕe by yourself for a while.

So. I'm really...bad at relationships I think and I have very high standards when it comes to relationships. Like I don't deal with anything I'm usually out once I see they have any kind of annoying tendencies so I've been trying out this "serious relationship" to be an adult. Lmao.

So I'm not sure when is good to stay or go. I've been trying to work it out and "grin and bear it because it's the adult thing to do" So whenever he pisses me off or annoys me I usually let it go the next day because I'm a little tired of jumping around and I've heard it's normal for couples to argue a little. But i dont know when or what about or how long into relationships and what's healthy and what's not. And that's sort of my dillema right now is trying to understand if I'm annoyed because I don't put up with it and I'm a psycho girlfriend who nitpicks everything or I should just end it now before it gets worse

I just feel like I'm gonna be single for the rest of my life lmao

I'm not an expert on relationships, but it should come easier than your current one. In my opinion the first months/year is to fall in love with each other and do all the lovey dovey stuff. It's the time where you get to know the other person and find out if your characters and beliefs match. It shouldn't be hard in the first few months, really.

The thing you describe, that it's normal for couples to argue and put up with each other's stuff happens later in my opinion. Once you know you're really into each other you'll know that a relationship is worth fighting and compromising for. And yes, that can be hard work and requires some effort. However to be a good team, you first need to become a team and if that annoys you already this is probably not the person to become a good team with.

It doesn't have to do anything with being bad at relationships. I think you are really brave for acknowledging your negative feelings at this stage and it makes you a stronger person. In the past I've had some relationships that were showing cracks within half a year as well. However unlike you, I've been too scared to acknowledge that there was something not right and stuck with those relationships until a year or two later they completely crashed, and that wasn't pretty. In my opinion, this makes you better at relationships than myself, because you have the courage to see what's wrong and can now make a decision on what to do about it. It's a hard decision that you have to make but just think it over. I know you'll make the right decision hugs.

And like you said yourself, you've already been in a longer relationship that came easier. This means that you're perfectly able to be in a stable relationship, you just need to find the right person.

Thank you so much.

So the other thing that's holding me back is that he's very sweet and everything. He bought me flowers and makes me breakfast in bed all the time and little things like even paying my bills.

I feel a little bad 😭 And I don't know how to overcome feeling that way like

"We argue all the time and he's so sensitive and blah blah but he does all the stuff for me, what if he holds it against me if I try and leave??"

I'm nervous and a little scared because I've had previous be that way so I've asked for less and taken less also because of it and it's like this battle in my mind... ):

I appreciate you so much thank you! Sorry if I'm annoying you with all of this D;

Could it be that he moves too fast for you? Maybe he is used to diving into a relationship more easily while you would rather take it slow? I would feel pretty uncomfortable if a guy paid my bills after only 4 months. And breakfast in bed all the time may sound nice at first, but it can become a bit smothering because some mornings you want to do something else, or it makes you feel uncomfortable because you never get to return the favor. Maybe you start to feel like it's a "contest" of who does the most nice things for the other and that's why you get so easily annoyed by him?

If that is the case you could try to talk to him about that before deciding that you need to end it. Maybe it will tone down his sensitive behavior a little and you'll feel more comfortable around him. I mean, there must be a reason why you fell for him, right? However, it could also mean that you find out that the two of you are incompatible because of this (a bit like I said in my first post), but then at least you've tried.

You are not annoying me at all, don't worry about that! If I'd been annoyed I wouldn't have responded. I hope you can work out whatever it is you need to do, because it can be very stressful to constantly doubt your relationship.

Possibly, he has been married before. He's been talking about ring cuts and how many kids he wants and that freaks me out for sure and I told him look, if we're still together in a year or so we can talk about that stuff but not so soon??? He said okay but not even a week later he brought it up. So i dont know. He just wants to settle and obviously I don't so that's probably a big factor also.

That would definitely be to soon for me. I've been with my current partner for almost 10 years now, but the topic of marriage came up jokingly after three years or so, and more seriously after 8 years, but has been discarded for now (as in: we're both too lazy to make an effort). But then again, in the Netherlands it's perfectly acceptable not to get married ever, so that's probably also a cultural thing.

May I ask how old you both are? If your both a bit older I can see the hurry of thinking about having kids (biologically), so it's probably good to see if you're on the same page in an earlier stage of the relationship. But a few months still seems a bi on the fast side.

I think that it's possible that him moving so fast causes all these annoyances over smaller things. I don't think it's strange that you want to take it a little more slowly, because after 4 months you don't know each other very well yet.

Oh really? See that seems more appropriate...I honestly have no desire to get married but he's very religious and I'm not so it's something he definitely wants to do.

I'll be 25 and he's 29. I'm in no rush to settle and kids is a possible no for me. He talked about it in the first couple of weeks we were together, that was a red flag for me but i told him chill out and he did for awhile but it's like a constant topic now. He's always saying I'm his forever and he doesn't want anyone else bleh. I feel like it's almost to control me. Have kids get married and I can never leave kind of thing D;

We've been talking through a lot of it but the main thing is he never listens. I literally got on him this morning for putting words into my mouth because he hears what he wants to hear and I'm someone who listens to everyone and expects the same from my partner of all people. /=

If you want, I can list off the precise reasons I think you should leave him. But let's be honest - you already know them.

From this thread, it sounds like you're afraid that you might be asking too much from him. But you don't owe him anything. A relationship is not about one person doing what they want while the other just "grins and bears it".

"So the other thing that's holding me back is that he's very sweet and everything. He bought me flowers and makes me breakfast in bed all the time and little things like even paying my bills." A guy doing these things for you does not mean you owe him a relationship.

I understand what you're saying about being afraid that you're nitpicking stuff, or have too high standards. However, in a healthy relationship, this is something you would be able to discuss with your partner. If he's not listening to your concerns, then leave him. Yes, a healthy relationship requires compromise. But what it sounds like is happening here is NOT compromise, it's an unfair power balance where he wants this, he wants that, and you feel pressured to submit.

(For instance: He wants kids, he wants marriage, he wants to settle down. What about what YOU want? No matter how unfair you might think your standards are, it's clear that he's not even taking your feelings and desires into account.)

Thank you for your comments and honesty.

Actually last night we got into a huge fight because he didn't pick up my dog like he was supposed to and ended up breaking up with me via text

So I guess my decision is made lmao.

I can understand your point of view. When I was 25 I wasn't at all ready to have kids (emotionally and financially). I had a baby last spring at 31, but before I got pregnant I still didn't have that "the clock is ticking" feeling or urge to have kids. I just knew I would regret it on the long run if I wouldn't have kids and because you never know how easy it's going to be to become pregnant we just started trying. It's a story you never hear (everyone always seem to crave having kids so much) but it works as well. And even if we weren't able to have kids I would have gotten over it quite easily probably, because then it just wasn't meant to be, but my life still would have been fine. I'm just saying that the path to settling down is different for everyone, there is not a textbook way in which certain feelings have to happen.

My advice would be to talk these things over with your boyfriend. Your negative feelings won't go away if you end up in a situation you'd rather not be in. It may be a deal breaker for him, or it may be a deal breaker for you, but then at least you'll know. Hopefully the two of you will be able to work out your differences on these matters. Seeing how he's a bit older and more religious it will probably be hard for him. But it would be hard for the both of you if you end up married without actually deep down wanting to be married.

Ahh thank you. Also see the above post :x

Oops, didn't see your last post when making my post, guess I should have refreshed the page before typing.

It sounds very weird that he's talking about marriage and kids and then he's breaking up over picking up a dog. He must have felt some tension as well. I hope you're feeling ok after the breakup!

It's okay! (:

Yeahh...i dont know. We're still kind of talking now but I don't plan to go with anything serious for awhile. Moving soon so it's not gonna work anyway.

I'm gonna be pretty great! Just got a new job gettin a new place best friend is movin with me. What they hay. New start :D

Thank you so much for advice and listening to m and everything also ❤️

Those are valid ass reasons! End the relationship. It seems stressful and you already made valid points yourself.