I'm a big ol' bundle of nerves!!

Mine is coming up April 15th, disturbingly soon, and neither I nor my lovely fiancee ever really... considered the option before eachother. I never thought I'd settle down, and she's ace, so it wasn't an issue before all of this.

Financials are... all over the place. My future MIL, who is lovely btw, got REALLY overzealous about fake flowers and ended up spending well over $500 on fake flowers for the bouquets. And just to be clear, she insisted on bouquets for both of us AND our four bridesmaids. and they're beautiful, she really is amazing at what she does, but that is just WAY too much

Bae's aunt literally would not let us get away with not letting her host it at her home, which is well and good because the womans house is something out of a telenovela, but she's also insisting on handling everything food related.

AND NO ONE IS TELLING ME -ANYTHING-, and the wedding is coming up waaay too fast, and we were just gonna elope but we knew that her family would absolutely lose their shit if we didn't do -something-, so we were just gonna do a courthouse thing with a pizza reception bc thats literally the kind of people we are my dress cost $30 new and hers was gonna be this really cute thrift store find before her mom went and got her a $150 dress, like, we're really low maintenance people with pretty severe anxiety issues and we didn't want it to become a 'thing' and now it is absolutely a 'thing'

and we havent even ordered the cake yet or sent the invitations out, I'm gonna cry now

Like.. am I being weird? I know cold feet is a 'thing', but I don't feel any less like I want to spend my entire life with this woman Just. Really wanting to not do the Wedding, even though we absolutely have to.

Also, feeling pretty lucky that even though we're in a pretty conservative state, and her some of her family is literally Pentecostal, the only person in either of our families with half an issue is her dad who is refusing to be involved with the actual wedding. He likes me well enough tho, and still approves of the relationship.

if y'all want to weigh in. save me please

Aww, I don't know much about wedding planning but hugs for the stress! I suppose the only thing you can do is try to tell your families how all this is making you feel. Hopefully with your fiancée with you that won't be too terrible! They're all trying to make you happy really :( It's such a common problem, I think weddings really tend to end up being for your families rather than yourselves xD

;; thank you for the well-wishing, at the very least. my family is contributing by NOT contributing. Like. It might seem counterintuitive, but they're their own barrel of worms so I'm glad they're not involving themselves overmuch. And while I've felt deeply honored to be as warmly received by my future in laws as I have been, I'm still.. Really bad at telling them "No this makes me uncomfortable" and my fiancee has pretty much told me to just lay down and let be what will be when it comes to her family taking over events. Apparently it's just something they do.

iiiiiidk. at least we've only had like two people ask about kids so far.

I think I agree with your fiancée. If the ceremony stuff isn't a big deal to you try to think of it as something for them and then maybe it won't stress you out? Or are you upset because you're not getting the wedding your wanted? Omg kids really? Why do people do thissss x_x

At least half of this sounded exactly like my own wedding. I had to firmly insist to my own family that it would only involve parents and siblings, otherwise the guest list would have gotten out of control and I happen to be way too introverted for that kind of nonsense. Setting that boundary very early on with my own family kept the in-laws in check as well, so it was a huge win-win for me.

Think of it this way: You say that you are both very low maintenance. Therefore as long as you are both appearing at the wedding and you have any other basics that you care about (photographer I hope?), it will work out. Anything else that gets embellished via other family members is mostly for their own benefit (likely out of their desire to be useful). Everything will work out fine :)

We had our wedding out of state so that my family could be involved, so we were stressed about the transportation of our wedding clothes, plus flights & lodging, cakes that we knew we wouldn't have a chance to taste beforehand, and more. I made my own wedding bouquet with less than $10 worth of fake flowers from Michaels. We travelled with it tossed into the bottom of my dress bag. My family took charge of decorations and such since they were hosting, otherwise they wouldn't have felt useful enough.

We were told repeatedly that even if we don't care about decorations or anything like that for our wedding, it's worth splurging on a photographer. We are extremely glad that we did. To me just having the pictures was worth all of the fuss with makeup and hair + was worth a lot of the stress over the months. We ended up with roughly 100 pictures that we loved enough to order prints of, plus a whole folder of other great pictures to relive the day. Here's one of the many :)

love, you have anything to add? ❤️

My take:

It will go ridiculously quickly, and it is definitely coming up way too quickly. And then it will be done. A hugeeee weight off my shoulders at least.

We skipped invitations. I found a cake place online and ordered about a month before. Make sure your rings are all set up, resizing can take a few weeks.

Honestly, there feel like a lot of ways that things can go wrong and lots of stress, but I got through it on a chant of "I just want to be married, it will be over soon, I will be married and never have to think about this again"--super romantic, but I didn't want it to be a thing and it was definitely A Thing. Even the night before, I remember being in the elevator with Moin and two sister in laws, trying to figure out make up and stuff for the next day and being like "we're sure that eloping isn't possible??"

Sooooo... not sure if that is useful at all. but we totally procrastinated, did the major stress thing, and wanted nothing to do with 95% of the stuff, but it turned out fine. Moin's godmother hosted, mom did all decorations, family provided food--we really didn't know about ANY of what they planned because we live 2000 miles away until that week/the day before. "Just let go, either way we will be married" was my motto. And I had stress dreams about forgetting moin's dress or forgetting the marriage license... all of which stopped once we were married!

Just two months, then this will no longer be a thing!

!!! ANYWHO I came by to say congrats and I'm sorry about all the stress D: (imo life "milestone" events are always more heavy on stress than the actual event)

I totally feel you on the low maintenance thing. I personally don't ever actually want a even if marriage does come up for me, it just sounds horrifically expensive in general, not to mention I'm not exactly fond of being the center of attention for more than 10 minutes. If I wanted anything remotely related to that kind of ceremonial stuff, I would just book a photoshoot honestly lol. I guess the flip side is that this ceremonial stuff /is/ important to your in-laws, so if they're footing most of the bill and managing most of the parts, it's not so bad? If I were you I'd like for somebody to keep me in the loop of what's happening in the planning tho. Is that the thing you're most anxious about? Center of attention + being in the know about fine details + making sure they're executed ?? If you're stressing over the wedding a whole ton, maybe set a specific time in the week to think about it (planning stuff, calling people who are managing specific parts to check up on them, checking off boxes for stuff done etc) and don't fret over it during the rest of your time?

anyway, just know that it will be over pretty soon.

I wish you luck on everything. I hope it all goes well.

Cold feet is a thing - & I think the stress is adding to it! Try to communicate with everyone on what's going on- what NOT to do and what to do = because all in all... this is YOUR wedding. Do it how YOU want it done! ❤️ good luck ~