I've been trying to move out of a bad living situation (parents) for years. Despite what has happened to me before, what happened a few days ago has left me dazed and unable to be mentally okay. My problem is I'm in online college full time. I need to do homework. I tried doing some, but I can't understand anything. Everything is a blur.

So, how do I focus while being very depressed? I've been able to pull it off before, but I'm not sure about now. I don't want to fail out of my classes, and they're being strict with missing assignments... I can't miss more than two in a row.

By the way, my fiance and I are trying to move out, but we need a roommate due to how high rent is. We've had no luck finding a roommate because people refuse to answer to our responses, though we do have a lead that might be good.

I don't know how well I can speak to your issues, or whether I can be of some help. What suggestions I have may not be possible for you, so I apologize if that's the case.

You mentioned you're taking online courses, which you may be doing due to health issues, or financial problems, which I completely understand, but it places you at a disadvantage for certain reasons. If it's possible to contemplate transferring to a school, there may be more opportunities for you to become independent of your family situation, which is eventually what I did. My friends have all met roommates through college/university IRL, because a lot of schools have programs to help you find roommates and apartments, even jobs, and it's easier to find people who share a lot in common with you this way, instead of a rando off a personal ad who may not be sympathetic to student life or student experience. For example, all my roommates/friends have also struggled with depression and family strife to some extent-- in some instances, they were like a second family and sort of helped eachother keep it together.

I'm guessing that your reason for this sticky situation is a health problem, because in order to pay for my rent and school, I worked a full-time job in the summer, and part-time during the year. Can you work? Is your fiance working? The sad reality is that nowadays, you need two incomes to afford housing (at least, in my experience).

You can also consider taking therapy or counselling, which is nothing to be ashamed of. Again, some colleges and universities offer free counselling programs or references-- which is another reason why I think you may benefit, maybe someday, from seeking out an IRL campus that's right for you. I'm only suggesting this because I can't imagine taking online courses, and I'm struggling with depression and family issues too. I would be so alone, and so isolated. I would never be leaving the house? Personally, that would make it worse, but I have no knowledge of your life, or your situation, so I can't properly advocate what's best for you. I only know that by pursuing my academics IRL, there's a support system outside of my family that has helped me focus better and stay on track.

As for immediate solutions to help you focus, (I feel so lame) I watch a lot of relaxation/meditation/binaural beats/study aids on youtube. You may also have heard of ASMR. It helps me with my insomnia + stress. Meditation, walking. Especially if you're on your computer all day, a change of scenery may help, unless something is preventing you, like social anxiety, etc. Sometimes I just can't do the work. Is there any way to contact your professors? Your college? Can you explain your issues? Sometimes, being straightforward and admitting that you need help, you'll find people can be understanding. That's yet another advantage to my college experience IRL - I've been able to talk to teachers and get time off, get extensions, and that flexibility is really helpful.

I hope that wasn't just a complete waste of your time. Lots of love and kisses. ❤ Remember to take things slow. I always try to make up for lost time, because I feel guilty, and then I take on way too much work to overcompensate, and end up killing myself lol. So yeah. Be patient with yourself, talk to your fiance, explore options that (while it may take some time) will eventually surround you with an atmosphere that can make you feel like you're on your way to being even 1% better and happier than before.

- I had a hard time answering to this until now. Sorry if it's mostly negative.

I have social anxiety, and I live in a crowded city. I love being outside and walking, but during the day, there's joggers, lots of cars, people walking their dogs, kids on the playground, etc. During the summer, I walked late and it was relatively empty, but the sun sets too early to walk after the time everyone is home. I do walk with my fiance at night when he's around.

I do have health problems. I had problems with my previous jobs because I had to take time off due to being sick. I would be okay working, but jobs don't seem to care when I'm sick... they just replace me. It's very difficult finding an entry level job here, and I spent a year looking. That's why I went back to school... so I can find work when I'm done.

I'm currently in a community college which does have a physical campus, but it's an hour away from where I live. Plus, it's 1 1/2 hours away from my fiance's work, so I can't live near campus. And, he relies on me to take him to work since he doesn't have a license. While I could go to a university, I don't want to leave my fiance behind. He's the main reason why I'm holding up as well as I am.

I've been in counseling a lot over the last 4 years. I can't afford to go often, but there's one I like. I haven't seen her in over 2 months since her prices shot up though.

I tried contacting a professor, but I didn't get a helpful response. Just a general assignment extension that everyone got since a lot of people were struggling with the assignment. It reminded me why I hate opening up to people.

Yeah, it's really complicated and I wish I had a better outlook. I honestly think moving away from the city and to a rural area with work would be the best option, but we can't afford to do that. I do want to try the videos you mentioned on Youtube. And I never heard of ASMR, so I'm going to look into that.

Thank you so much for the response. ❤ I feel better knowing that someone can relate.

I can relate to your post because I've been in a similar circumstance before. I don't know anything about what caused your depression, but I can relate to feeling completely dazed and destroyed and being unable to focus on anything. When I remember that time in my own life, I do think of a blur.

Right now, you sound like you've been pushed to your limit. You sound so tired and worn. When you are feeling like this, it's 100% okay to reach out and lean on others. One thing that got me through my own dark period was having friends to lean on. I couldn't focus on my homework either, but I had someone there to hold my hand and walk me through the problems. My brain felt slow and sluggish, so I was incredibly lucky to have a friend there to walk me slowly through my homework problems, patiently guiding me. Otherwise, I would not have even tried to do them at all.

What are you studying in school? Maybe I could help you tackle your homework. I wouldn't mind sitting with you over Skype or something, and being that friend for you. If it's not something I know about, though, you could reach out to your classmates (assuming you have at least online contact with them) or your other friends. Even if no one else can help you do the problems, it can still be incredibly helpful to just have somebody there, supporting you and motivating you when you want to give up.

The second piece of advice I have to give is to talk to somebody about the trauma. It doesn't have to be a counselor - it can be a good friend you trust. It sounds like you're mentally/emotionally "stuck" - something happened to you that you're unable to move on from. This could be because it's something that's really hard for you to think about. And there are a lot of things that can't be processed easily. But, I think it would help to spill your thoughts and feelings to somebody you trust, who can help you begin to process it all. That way, you can begin to move on. Again, I want to offer myself - I'll listen and be kind, if you like. But, I'm sure there are many people you trust more than me.

Finally, I want to encourage you to take care of yourself - and I don't mean anything complicated by that. I mean that, well, having depression myself, I know it's easy to start beating myself up for not being able to function as well as I'd like. But, neither you nor I deserve to beat ourselves up over it. You're dealing with something difficult and I want to encourage you not to blame yourself, or judge yourself, for how you are reacting to it. Instead, try to notice whenever you do accomplish something - even if it's the simple act of getting out of bed in the morning, or eating a meal. These are baby steps, but they matter so much. I want you to be proud of all the steps you take each day to take care of yourself and improve the situation. Even if the steps are small.

I really hope something I said here will help you. If not... well, it happens... because all people are different, and your mind might work very differently from mine. But at the very least, know that I'm here, listening, caring, sending you love ❤️

I'm happy you responded! I'm sorry if any of my advice was unhelpful. All I know is based off of my own experiences with social anxiety, depression, trauma. So the best I can offer you is a different point of view, or a different way to look at things.

You did mention you were looking for an apartment, which I think is a great idea.

Right now you're living in a place you don't want to live (parents)... but obviously, being close to your fiance's work is a priority because you don't work yourself. So there's nothing around you, or about where you're living, that is really making YOU a priority. And due to social anxiety, you can't even physically leave this environment for a break when you want to!

Don't worry about your outlook for now. But try seeing it this way: is it fair to say that your living situation is due to things that are either beyond your control, or because you have no choice? You "can't" pursue another alternative... do you feel trapped? :O Nobody would be happy that way. You're only in school right now because you "can't" find an entry level job? Do you like school? Is it what you wish you were doing? If your social anxiety is controlling your life to the point that everything you do is forced on you, you need to absolutely, absolutely, focus on getting better in the long run right now. YOU ARE SO IMPORTANT. That means stopping school if need be.

I realize that because of money, some things like "what you wish you could do" aren't possible... but if you could go for walks, or feel comfortable and happy wherever, then more options might make themselves available. You deserve to feel better. The rest of your life can follow from there.

- I'm not really sure why past traumas would still affect me. I wonder if it's because I'm with the same people and the same environment where the trauma happened. I've talked to counselors and my fiance. It helped me a lot, but the pain is not gone. I'm also scared of opening up to people, because whenever I start to get close, they leave for whatever reason.

Fortunately, my homework is easy except for anything related to Discrete Math. I don't understand a thing in that class. I also struggle with essays.

I should start celebrating the little accomplishments. My mind focuses only on the big, bad failures and doesn't recognize the small successes.

I'll think about your offers and I'm still going to sMail you. ^^ I'll finally have more a lot more time the next few days.

- That gif made me cry a bit.

I appreciate any advice. It's always good to see things from a different perspective.

I feel very trapped. Without any money, I don't have the freedom to make choices that are for my benefit. I have to bear what I can get. Otherwise, I'll be homeless. If I could, I would move to a small house/farm in the countryside.

I do like what I'm doing for school. I don't love it, but what I love is realistically unobtainable for now. I want to start sewing when we move out (I have no room where I currently live), in which I would be doing something I love (I love creating art and cooking). I also would love web development and design, which is something I could study on my own time.

My social anxiety fluctuates. Some days, it's not bad and I can go to events with a mild crowd. Some days, I struggle to go outside. To give you an idea, I live in Orlando and my fiance works in the tourist district. Out of all the places to live at and drive in, this is one of the worst possible places. And we might end up in a place that's not safe to walk in. ;~;

I'm not sure how to take proper care of myself. I've always had to put others over me, which might be part of the problem.