I just need to vent my feelings out. If someone wants to reply, that's cool, too!

Okay so I'm 24 and I've never wanted to get married. My dad has been married 3 times and my mom has been married 4 times. My sister is currently in a miserable marriage, but won't end it because she doesn't believe in divorce. So after growing up and witnessing all of this, I decided pretty early on that it wasn't for me. So flash forward to now, and I've been dating my boyfriend for 3 years. I've never had a better relationship, better friend, or better love. He's incredibly selfless and we agree on practically all of the important things. We're just really compatible and in sync. I could honestly see myself being happy with him for the rest of my life. But I'm terrified to make a commitment like marriage because I know that things can change, even after being married to someone for 10 years or more.

We've been occasionally been talking about it, but nothing official or for sure. Mostly just "Maybe when we have out own place and steady jobs and income" (We're currently living with my mom due to financial issues). I know he really wants to marry me. Talking about it makes him light up, which makes me think about it even more. I love him to pieces, but the idea of marriage still terrifies me.

BUT

Lately I've been catching myself thinking about what kind of ring I would like (I hardly ever wear jewelry, and I don't own any rings to go by), and what kind of wedding we would have, who would be in it, what my dress would look like, etc. Today I even looked up Opal engagement rings because I think they're lovely. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME. HELP.

Hope I'm not intruding luff. I just have a peculiar thought: It sounds a bit like a relationship with commitment itself as well. Let's call commitment Bob.

Now you didn't used to even like talking about Bob let alone to him. Bob had lots of baggage that clashed with yours. But see, you got used to being around Bob. Just time, familiarity, all that jazz. Now you are starting to look at Bob a little differently. Nothing for sure, but maybe you don't hate him...

Seeing Bob/commitment differently in little ways while not immediately changing long held perspective? That makes sense to me. Much like a person you'd have to get to know them right? Maybe just take some time and get a feel for commitment without demanding a certain outcome for yourself? Um ok I guess I'm suggesting you basically date commitment .-.

... I hope that made sense D: Either way sending hugs to your awesome self <3

I think one thing that is important to remember is that every situation is different. Every couple is different. Some marriages do end in divorce, unfortunately. But some also last for decades; literally until 'death do us part.' Granted, by no means am I suggesting I'm an expert on this, but it is something to keep in mind. I am personally getting married this September and have been dating my fiance for 4 years thus far. I will be turning 24 in April, and he turns 23 tomorrow, actually. I have only ever dated one other person before, but my fiance is the person I could really see a future with. He is the person that I look forward to marrying and spending my life with.

At the same time, marriage is not for everyone, and that is okay too. It sounds like you are living together already (even if it's at your Mom's) but maybe you'll have a better understanding of what you may want once the two of you live together, but in your own place. My fiance and I don't currently live together, but we literally spend every day after work together and will begin the process of finding a home soon.

I think it is good that you both are discussing it, though. Just remember to be honest about your feelings. It sounds like you really care for him, especially if you're looking up things about a wedding even when you initially thought you would never want to be married. It's okay if the thought of marriage is terrifying. It is a big step. I'm personally looking forward to it myself, but I think it is a natural feeling to be nervous about it as well.

IDK IF THIS REALLY HELPS AT ALL, but thought I'd put my two cents in as well c: Good luck!

<3 Thank you both for your advise and thoughts! I'm definitely going to just continue taking it slowly and not putting too much pressure on it. I know he's not going to pressure me into anything I'm not comfortable with. And we have all the time we need to figure it all out. Plus it will probably be a while until we're completely out on our own, and I would like to live with just he and I before we make any marriage commitments. We met in college and we've pretty much lived together our entire relationship (besides one summer when I moved away to help my sister out), so I'm not worried about that; but it's never been just he and I, so that's a lot more added on pressure of bills and everything else. But we've got time to work through it all. I'm in no hurry to rush it, and thankfully he isn't either. ^_^

Also Congratulations on your marriage coming up!! I'm super happy for you. I hope it's magical. Do you have a lot of it planned out already? Give me the deets! loool

BB no, you could never intrude!! I would have private messaged you about it, but it was late and I just wanted to vent into the void haha. I'm always like 1000% accepting and eager for your thoughts and wisdom! So never be worried to lay it on me xD

Glad to hear it! Sounds like a solid approach to me :* Also been there with venting into the void XD Sometimes it really helps!

Pft bby I think 'wisdom' is too grand for the likes of me... I did just suggest you "date commitment" and compare it to a guy named Bob 0-0;; Just sayin'

But it's so perfect because a few days ago I literally told Josh I wish I had a name that people could pronounce easily, like Bob xD

You are not your mother, or your father, or your sister. Just because some relationships don't work out for some people, doesn't mean you can't find that one perfect person for you. Think about it, really think, and you'll know inside what the right move is. It seems like as much as you're trying to fight it, you're feeling it's right anyways (hence you looking up rings).

If it were me, I would wait until my financial issues were resolved or at least steadied a bit. But that's something you'd want to talk about with your boy and with your parents maybe. However, if it's real love, it'll find a way and things will work out.

is basically getting at what I was saying too. It's ultimately your (and your bf's) decision. Don't be too influenced by other people. I know it's probably hard with three of your family members going through divorces/failing marriages, but you are a different person from them. Your relationship is different from any of theirs. It does sound like the idea of marriage is appealing to you.

But I also agree with Lisa with regards to your financial issues. I am very fortunate that my parents want to completely help me pay for the wedding, but we still have to save for a honeymoon and a house and that's going to be super expensive.

As for my wedding planning, we do have the venue picked out. I wanted the reception and ceremony to be at the same location because it's kind of annoying for guests, or anyone for the matter, to have to drive to a second location. Plus all of my fiance's family is out of town. We are hoping to go to Disneyworld for our honeymoon because neither of us have been :) But that's going to be expensive so hopefully we can save a good amount lol. After graduating college, we both have our full-time positions now so that'll make it so much easier to save.

I know exactly how you feel. I never wanted to get married either - just a lack of interest though, not because I had bad experiences like you kinda have. I was also kinda scared of the whole "anything can happen, things could change, etc." too. I never really even thought of it until 3 years into my relationship. My BF and I will be together 5 years this summer, and we've been discussing it, and will eventually get married, but it won't be any time soon (like, 5+ years in the future). We have people constantly asking us when and why but it's ultimately none of their business cuz it's all about what's right for us.

My point is to take your time and don't feel pressured. I know you probably don't feel pressured by anyone, but you might pressure yourself. "I'm looking at rings? Does this mean I've changed my mind?? I think I wanna get married now?!" You could just be looking at opal rings because they're gorgeous! ;) It's ok to amuse yourself and look into it every so often, and the interest will probably come and go. My biggest piece of advice is to get your financial situation back under control, and then do what you think is best for you. :)

I highly recommend Disney world for your honeymoon! ESPECIALLY if neither of you have been there before. They treat newlyweds like royalty and there are lots of different things they offer for romantic events, and it's just a wonderful place to be. It's truly the most magical place on earth ?

Yaaaasss, thank you!! I'm glad you understand. It's just not on my biggest priority list. It might be nice, but I don't want to force it. And yes, opal rings are gorgeous regardless of the occasion ;)

And we would definitely never get married without our financial situation in a better, stable position. I don't want to get married and come back home to live with my mom xD

Also, I really like your HA!

The funny thing is that we went to Disneyland last October before we have ever been to Disney World, but Disneyland is on the other side of the country for us LOL (he was in L.A. for work, his company paid the expense for me to fly out for the weekend and Disneyland was only a 40 minute drive, without traffic of course, from his hotel so we were like, we have to do this.) But seeing Disney World would be awesome! We pretty much plan going there regardless and my mom offered to help with the honeymoon expense some, so that'll definitely be a help :) One of my bridesmaids said she has been low-key planning a honeymoon at Disney World and this was before she even had a bf lol.

OH MY GOODNESS, DISNEY WORLD :D I went there when I was 6, so I don't remember it much, but I'm sure it's still magical as an adult <3 I just remember getting an autograph book with the main goal to get Eeyore's autograph. I was so nervous I cried xD I've never been to Disney Land because I've never been that far west, but I would love to do that, also!

Yea I'm sure it is! We'd like to go before kids are in the picture anyway (even though that probably wouldn't be for a while lol). It's gonna be expensive but at the same time it's a honeymoon so of course it will be bahaha. We would rather have things to do than sit out by a beach or go on a cruise so I think it'll be a good fit for us, we're both looking forward to it :) And yea the only reason I went to Disney Land is because of my fiance travelling for work and I got a free plane ticket to and from bahaha. Oh, and the hotel as well; didn't have to pay a dime on it! Was very awesome. I never head that far west either!

Also--can't blame you about not wanting to get married and move in with your mom again bahaha. My mom keeps offering to live in her basement when we get married for a while since it's finished and that's usually where we hang out, but I'm like, um I don't think so mom. lol

Oh man, not having to pay for any of it sounds spectacular!! If we were to get married anytime soon, we definitely wouldn't be able to afford a honeymoon, so that's even more reason to wait until it's the right time hahaha. I traveled to Texas on a plane, to visit my sister, back in October. It was the first time I'd ever been west of Ohio or been on a plane. It was nice! Texas, not so much. Haha it was really dry and hot and all of the buildings were a really dull tan color. There was hardly any color and no greenery.

Yea granted they're not paying for all of the honeymoon of course, but they offered to help some so that's appreciative! But YES SAME apparently I've been to several states further west than Kentucky (where I live) but I was at most 2 years of age like wooow that's cool. I remember going to Chicago and CA but don't recall anything else west.

But yea it's just taking a ton of time saving up money, and then it all gets blown away with wedding, honeymoon, and house expenses. Bummer. It's good to hear that you're not in any rush or being pressured though. Just because you're starting to enjoy looking at rings and thinking of weddings in general, doesn't mean you have to act on it! Just about all girls seem to get excited about that at one point lol.

Yesss especially with our current economy and how expensive everything is, it's difficult to save up a lot after bills and everything are paid. Very true. For now I can just enjoy looking at rings and such and get ideas of what I might like. Pinterest is a good place to look and save ideas ^_^