I guess I just need to vent a little.

We had been together for 3 years. He's the only person I've ever truly romantically loved. But as time has gone on, my feelings have changed. I don't find myself physically attracted to him nor do I romantically love him. I still care for him as a person and love him deeply as a friend. My feelings have changed in a very gradual, insidious way that I denied for a long time and only recently have accepted.

His situation is not ideal and I'm sure that has not helped any. He lives in a small house with his parents, grandmother, brother, and niece because he works a very low-paying job and cannot afford a place of his own. I totally relate since I'm in grad school and live with my mom. But he's always complaining about his job and his living situation and has done nothing to change it over 3 years despite vows to get a new job. He is also an alcoholic and self-medicates. I have nothing against recreational pot use, but he smokes constantly to escape from his depression and dissatisfaction with his life. He has stated that I am the only good thing in his life and that he would die from alcohol poisoning if I ever left him. His father is an alcoholic too and the whole household is entirely dysfunctional. However, even if he had an amazing job and lived in his own place and didn't have any addictions, I don't know that that would change anything.

So yesterday I told him how I have been feeling. It was heartbreaking to see him hurt so much. I am heartbroken, too. I have lost my best friend and the only person in life that I've ever been myself around. He saw me through a lot of tough times when I was in treatment for an eating disorder. I feel as though I've made the right decision, but it doesn't make it any less painful.

He's been texting me throughout the night, saying that he's broken without me, still loves me, should have done more and gotten his own place where we could have lived together and then my feelings wouldn't have changed. I've been texting back occasionally to let him know that it's not his fault and he is not to blame and that I wished I didn't feel this way. I don't know if texting is a good idea right now. :/ We're still listed as "in a relationship" on Facebook. I doubt he'll change that, since he's stated he keeps hoping my feelings will change. I know I'll have to fix our Facebook status at some point. Right now I'm just trying to stay stable.

Does anyone have any advice or any cute things that might cheer me up? <3

tl;dr I broke up with my semi-dysfunctional boyfriend due to falling out of love over time and I feel miserable and I miss him and I feel guilty and he keeps texting me and I just wish I could love him again.

I'm so sorry for the situation you're in, but I believe you made the right choice. Staying in a relationship where things have sort of played their course and feelings have changed usually end up making things worse, in my experience.

Not texting at all would probably be your best pet. I think texting and remaining in constant communication in that way can make things feel like they haven't really changed and can continue to give him false hope and make it harder for you to heal/move on. It is a rough decision, and it hurts a lot at first. You should let him know, rather than just not communicating with him. If he continues to text you after that, you don't have to reply.

I hope things get a little easier. It'll take a lot of time, and it's hard to lose a best friend/partner, but space and time is what's going to help you the most in the long run.

Here's a picture of a badger that kind of looks like it's floating to cheer you up <3

Badger!

Awww I totally squeed over that levitating badger, thank you! I now want to live in a world with flying badgers. Someone needs to make jet packs for badgers or find a way to give them wings or something because life would be 10x better. <3

And thank you so much for your advice. I've held off on texting him and he's stopped texting me as well. I know I made the right decision and that's becoming much clearer as each day goes by.

I'm worried about him and I care so deeply for him but I know that I'll only make this more difficult for him if I keep in communication. If I hear from him again, I'll be sure to tell him that I think a period of no contact would be best for both of us to heal right now.

And to whomever sent me that lovely, caring gift and message -- I love you, thank you so much. Your kind words mean so much to me and it's exactly what I needed to wake up to this morning. I can't even express how much reading your words have helped me right now. <3

Haha, I would love to live in that world!

No problem! I'm glad things are going alright for you right now. While I totally understand your concern for him, it's also important to take care of yourself and make sure you're doing the right thing for you <3

Best of luck and if you need anyone to vent to or anything, feel free to reach out to me!

I’m in a very similar situation!

I had ‘the chat’ with my boyfriend of two years earlier tonight and told him that I think we need a break. Our relationship has pretty much flat lined, we don’t go out anywhere together, we don’t even touch each other, even holding hands lol. We literally go to work together and sleep in the same bed and that is literally it.

The problem I have is we both moved to a big city (so higher rent/bills) and we live and work together. If I move out on my own, he will struggle massively because of his car finance and other debts. I don’t think he can afford to live here alone but I also don’t want to be the reason for him quitting his job and having to move back home to his parents.

Breakups are tricky. D:

In regards to your ex boyfriend texting you, I would send a message that basically explains that you need to stop messaging each other as it’s only going to make things harder. Be straight forward and stern but not too mean. Hopefully he’ll get it and realise you’re right and stop sending so many messages. I’ve been the person that texts constantly and the person who has had to tell an ex to stop texting so I can see why he’s doing it to be honest.