not feeling good lately. i am unable to work and i live with my mom and brother who both hate me. it took me a long time to come to terms with every time i fuck up, but they always scream at me about it, even when it only affects me. they're constantly making me do things and feeding me things that aggravate my conditions that make me die quicker, and yell at me if i protest. we just moved across the country and i don't know anyone here and don't have any money, nor does my family, even. no one even has an income yet. going somewhere else just isn't an option right now. (the dying thing isn't as immediate as i might be making it seem. it's more like, "these things cause me immense constant pain and an increased risk for long term organ damage and cancer". so you know. nothing big) my depression has been getting so bad lately, ever since we moved here. might just be because it's colder and darker, but also probably because it's like i smashed the life i was finally building, threw 9/10ths of it in the garbage, and tried to piece it back together balancing on a thumbtack. i miss my friends. i can't bring myself to do anything i used to enjoy and be good at, like art or writing or photography. i've just been sleeping, eating, playing shitty free video games, and doing chores that make me want to die every day. i dont know what to do, how to change any of this or make it even bearable. i've taken up knitting and that's a bit of help, but my focus strays from it after about half an hour, and i only have four very small (probably just smaller than tennis ball sized, if i wound them up snugly) yarn balls that won't last forever. every time they yell at me or feed me something i cant have or i think about my friends across the country i just want to die a lot more. im going to go to therapy somehow as soon as i get insurance but it hasnt gone through yet and its been a long while. i'm not really sure what i'm looking for. are there any little thingsi can do to just feel better in general? anything. like activities, mind exercises, i dont know. or even advice. just anything to help me. im so tired and so upset constantly i am 18 and out of school. my brother is 21 and does nothing. my mom does nothing.

Heya, Definitely sounds like you're in for a rough ride right now. I know, I know stating the obvious, but may as well admit it right? Ok I have a coupla wonky ideas but you sound like you're at the "I'll try anything" stage so here we go:

It feels like your life is out of your control yeah?

-Choose and organize a space in your environment designated as yours. (I don't care if it's a desk or taping off a corner of your room) Set it up how you like and when it feels like someone else's house that you're just allowed to stay in? One you have no control over? Go over to that space. Clean it. Wreck it (within reason). Organize it. CHANGE it. Make it your territory.

-IF physically possible try cooking. Stay with me here. Not only is it an activity, a new thing to learn, and a challenge? It's also a way to feel you are contributing to the house.... and you won't end up with things you can't eat as often.

-Make one goal a day. "Do a kind thing for X amount of people" or "Clean room" or "Draw something... anything." or even "write an email" The result is not the important thing most of the time, it's the making of a plan and DOING something every day.

-Brainstorm. Make a list of things you want and things you need. Just throw it all at the paper. Don't fuss over the results just write it, and let it sit for a while. Another time try and come up with ideas (even if just one) for a way to achieve the goal. Keep chipping at this but don't let it be the major focus/source of stress.

-Music. Ok this one pisses me off when I do it so just keep that in mind that I'm suggesting it even then. IF you're listening to slower/darker music like I tend to when things get heavy? Work to transition to more positive sounding music. No matter the genre. The different feels conveyed in the music does have an effect on mood for better or worse. So while darker music can soothe part of the heart, it can also have a detrimental effect. The lighter music may help. At least for me.

Ok blagh that's probably enough to work on right now if you decide to try any of this x-x Wishing you luck with coping <3

Mindfulness also helps. You can do this. <3

those are all really good ideas, and exactly what i needed. thank you so much they really seem like theyll help. i'll try them thank you <3

You're very welcome ^-^ You'll be able to try out, tweak, and come up with your own along the way I reckon <3 Good luck and I hope they help :3

Take it a day at a time. Hang in there and remember - it will get better.

thank you shimada i love your work

- so sorry dear to hear your struggling and life is not treating you kindly. Don't know if this will help but here are some things that help my spouse (they have PTSD baaaaaad from childhood abuse and see a therapist at Mayo Clinic for it and depression)

Their doctor recommends this : (especially good for when you have those dark depressing thoughts and can't stop thinking them. It breaks obsessive patterns) .) (works with the five senses)- look around you and list 5 things you see, then 4 things you physically feel (touch), then 3 things you hear, then 2 things you smell, & then 1 thing you taste (it can even be like your own salvia or minty toothpaste-you don't have to eat anything ;) ) I know it seems silly but it really does kinda snap yourself out of a loop of "intrusive thoughts"

.) As silly as this sounds too-yoga..yoga has been immensively helpful for my spouse. If you have an address I can send it to I'd be happy to grab you a DVD & post it to you (you can smail me like a friends work address or a po box or something)-Mayo Clinic gives them out for free. And don't worry-it's not tricky stuff. It's really easy, entry level stuff that people of all abilities can do. My spouse has lupus and they can rock it out.

Hang in their dear. Hope things get better soon. Offers hugs and hope

Edited because I got the senses order wrong. Checked with my spouse. It's correct now

thank you so much! you're so kind. those will all help me a lot i think. i don't have a dvd player, but thank you! i can find yoga online. i used to love it a lot, and itd probably be good to start doing it again. the senses thing is something ive really needed. thank you so much, and tell your spouse i said thank you, too

Your so welcome it's my pleasure. Hugs! If their therapist recommends any other techniques or spouts off any pearls of wisdom I'll be sure to trot on back and share.

(I only go in with my spouse ever two or three sessions, cause I feel like there are things my spouse may wish to share without me hovering lol, so I have limited knowledge of the therapists advice-but I do know my spouses latest "homework" was .....

making a list of all the things they love about themselves-

cause when you grow up in an extremely [I]toxic [/I] Household you start to take on all those negative views that others have of you-internalize them & start to believe them even if they aren't true! Even when the bad family members are no longer there-and you have "peace" you kind of pick up where they left off and continue to put yourself down. I swear ever session their therapist asks "now is that how you really feel or is that your mother's voice talking?"-it's a powerful ah ha moment ;)

Don't know if that homework would be helpful to you too.

It's torture for my spouse..making that list, (its sat blank for 2 weeks) which is sad...cause they are a lovely person and a gentle soul..and I'm sure you are too dear. hug! I know it's hard but Try not believe any mean or critical things your mom and bro say about you. Your trying your best obviously and no one could ask any more than that.

I'm here if you ever need a listening ear :)

I am sorry to hear that life is so rough on you right now :( It sounds like you have a lot on your plate and I know from experience that depression is already rough even if you have friends and family to support you. If you miss that support system, I imagine that it must be a hundred times harder even. Please know that I admire you for fighting through these hard times. I also hope that therapy will be available for you soon, because that is honestly the best thing you can do in hard situations like this.

For the time you have to spend waiting right now, I can only give you one little thing to do. It might sound a bit silly, but it has helped me a lot in the past actually: The positive diary. Every day before you go to bed (or earlier if you want to), write down at least three things that were good about your day. Do not write negative things, only positive things. They don't have to be big things, it can also be the little things that made you a little bit happier during the day. This has the effect that you go to bed with a happy feeling and also that you try to concentrate more on positive things during the day so that you have something to write down in the evening. It might not change anything about the situation you're in, unfortunately, but it might at least make you a bit happier!

I hope that this helps a little bit!

You may like to look into getting self-help books for CBT and DBT, both of which you can learn and practice on your own.

CBT (cognitive-behavioral therapy) is the idea that thoughts, emotions, and behavior are inter-related, and thus, changing one will affect the others. The main idea behind it is that addressing thoughts will help you control emotions/behavior. One of the main ideas of CBT is how to recognize depressive thoughts and how to counter them.

DBT really helped me a lot - it's basically a set of skills you learn. The skills are split into 4 groups: distress tolerance (how to best cope and help yourself when you're in a crisis), emotion regulation (more long-term controlling emotions), mindfulness, and interpersonal effectiveness. The fact that each has a bunch of skills you can learn and practice makes it very practical.

I just wanted to add this on to the great advice others have given in this thread, in case it helps you. Good luck, friend, and take care.

thank you all so much!

Your living environment sounds very toxic and psychologically damaging. For me, my own mental health could not improve until I was away from my family. I was lucky and I had somewhere I could go. I have a close friend who had a similar home situation and she actually had to go to a homeless shelter to escape her parents. -- But she will always say that was the BEST thing she ever did for herself. It's hard . . .but nowhere near as hard as living under direct and constant abuse.

But I don't know your life situation and your obstacles, so I don't know if that is possible for you.

A simple daily life thing I can recommend . . . is live one moment at a time. (Opposed to "one day at a time.") For me, if I wake up thinking of the load of tasks I have to do that day, I can't get out of bed. So... I think in small pieces. I focus on the task of pushing the blankets back and sitting up. And then I think of the step that comes after that.

I wish you the best. I have a lot of sympathy for your situation.