So this is going to be a long post with some rambling (So apologizing in advance). I just need someplace to vent to where people can listen and stuff (Because my family's mental states is also not good. And for some reason, it seems easier to talk to strangers than friends).

So my family and I have been in a rough patch for awhile, but things have gone downhill within the past 6 months. We're struggling financially, because my dad quit his job around 6 months ago (He found a new one, but the pay isn't as good and it's commissioned based). This is bad because my parents are seperated and my mom doesn't get her alimony money (Usually, my dad will make up some excuse, and then at the last minute, he'll give my mom just enough money to pay rent or something..) My mom can't work because of her health (chronic migraines, diabetes, nausea, etc... They've been worse the past few years to the point that she'll lay in bed for days and eat little to nothing, because she's too nauesated and in pain). She has a court hearing for disability on Jan. 30th (so hoping that goes well). We've basically been scrapping by months, cutting down any bills that we can (and while I was finishing my last semester of college, I would work more hours at my job and give my mom some money). We're also having car problems again (We went without a car for a year. Then over the summer my mom bought a used 2005 Jeep, and it's having problems already).

Along with financial problems, pretty much everyone in my immediate family (mom, 2 sisters) is having their own issues. My big sister (who's been fighting with her ex bf for not paying child support for months and basically being a terrible dad to my nephews) has been considering committing herself, because she's so depressed. My little sister has been the fighter in the family (She had to quit college because we couldn't afford it, even with financial aid... But she's going to go to a community college in the fall). She's been working on getting her drivers license and such. And my mom has been on and off with being motivated to do anything (because whenever something good seems to happen to us, something bad immediately follows.. She's just discouraged).

My anxiety has been getting worse and I've been getting more depressed (with occassional thoughts of death and self harm...Though I don't have the guts to do either of those things).I was going to a counselor when I was at college, but now that I've recently graduated and home again, I currently do not have a counselor. Despite the negativity at home, I've been trying to stay positive and forcing myself to work on art, improving myself (like getting my license, making sure that i'm organized, etc..), but these bouts of depression and anxiety hit more and more. I can't help but ask myself, "Is my family ever going to be ok? Will I ever be ok, and be able to achieve any goals that I have?" I've been fighting as much as I can, no matter how much life kicks us to the ground, but I'm beginning to grow weary and it's getting harder to get up..

I'm assuming that I only feel this way because of everything going on at home (well, the depression part..idk about the anxiety). I'm not really sure what someone can say to help the situation, but any words of encouragement would be appreciated.

You and your family are going through so much. I'm not going to trivialize it. You have big struggles and I understand why you (and your mom) feel depressed and discouraged. I think the anxiety could be about the future, and is definitely related to the other struggles you and your family are dealing with - anxiety that things won't be okay.

But things will be okay for you. First, your family seems close. You seem to care about your mom and little sister a lot. You seem to support each other and help each other, and that's really great. I hope you can keep giving each other motivation and strength for a long, long time.

Things will get so much better as you and your sister keep fighting. You're both still working your way up in life, like going to school, getting your license... It's not easy and hasn't been easy, but you are making progress. Even when you can only move forward by baby steps, you're moving forward, you're taking steps that will make life easier for all of you in the future.

I don't know how much anything I said here can help... But I am sending you my best wishes, at the very least, know that somebody read your post and cares <3

Thank you for your kind words and encouragement. It helped lift my spirits a lot actually. (I've been feeling depressed today, but reading your reply made me feel a little better :) )