I'm not sure where to put this exactly, so I just put it in this forum. I'm kinda asking for advice on my issues if there is any!

I just got into a huge fight with my husband [again], and I know it's all my fault. I just know down deep saying I'm sorry isn't going to make things right again.

We've only been married since the 9th and even in our dating relationship we fought unfortunately. Things lately have been escalating and it's initially my fault. :(

This is gonna be long and probably not make much sense at all...

I'm 17 weeks, 3 days pregnant with our first child and it's not going too good. I was diagnosed with Bipolar II way before getting pregnant and the mood swings lately are horrible. I know they are not all related to my pregnancy. I'm getting so irritable at every little thing.

For the past 2 weeks we've been on and off with heat in our apartment. The maintenance crew has been in and out and still can't fix the problem. It's been really cold outside and our apartment has only been in the 50's. I'm cold and while my husband has been trying to make sure I don't get too cold, I'm still mad at him. He bought an electric blanket and a space heater. He's letting me borrow his heavy socks, his sweatshirts, hoodies, anything I need to try and keep warm but I'm still complaining. It's not his fault but I'm blaming him anyway.

Since August, I've been dealing with abdominal pain and 4 herniated disks in my neck. I'm completely over the pain but not much anyone can do since I'm pregnant. They've given me everything at the doctors that they can give me that's safe. And it's not enough. I'm miserable and I'm taking it out on him.

Last Thursday was a wonderful day for him and I ruined it. He finally got a job after trying for so long. We seriously need the extra money but I'm selfish and don't really want him out of my sight to work. I'm so terrified to be alone and even more so after the baby arrives. I have doubts in my mind that I'll be a good enough mother and so afraid that this child will hate me from day one. He tries to reassure me that I'll be wonderful, everyone around me says the same thing but I don't believe them. I know it's my insecurity but I make him pay for it. I'm so afraid the company he's going to be working for won't let him be with me in the hospital when I go into labor and I'll be all alone having this baby. He helped create this life, I would really like him to be there when the time comes.

Now tonight, I told him I wanted a divorce since he wasn't going to be around anyway. I said I was going to sign off on my parental rights [even though I've waited years to have a child] because I wasn't going to raise a child who hated me. I called him quite a few nasty names, one in particular was really hurtful because it brought his ill past into the picture again. I also called him useless, since I had been supporting us mostly since we got together. I told him the only reason he got a job wasn't to help us out, it was to make sure he got the things he wanted. And to find himself a side chick, since I feel he's not interested in me anymore.

Way too many insecurities on my end and I don't know what I'm going to do. I don't want this baby inside me feeling all this pain and anxiety and I certainly don't want to keep verbally hurting my husband. I just want to leave and go where no one is around. I feel it would be the best option.

Hey...married lady (17 years) with three mostly grown kids here. I want you to know that you've been heard, and I'll give you the best advice I can give.

Tell him exactly what you said here. Tell him how you feel about him as a person. You love him or you like him or not...whatever it is that you feel for him. For me, that's telling mine he's my best friend and I really like him in addition to telling him I love him. Sometimes I am moody or cranky, so I tell him I am moody or cranky and why. Remember he is human just like you are, and treat him the way you want to be treated and apologize when you are wrong. And if you can get ahold of a copy of it, read the book Hold Me Tight by Dr. Sue Johnso (also follow her on Facebook, she has a lot of advice right on her page). Together if he will, but by yourself if you have to. It explains a lot but is a fairly easy read with things you can do together if you're reading together.

I really hope it works out ok for you two. And please, don't let these feelings go on too long...I'm Canadian so I would imagine this advice could be logistically harder, but with your mental health issue (depression and anxiety during all of mine) get help when it gets to be too much. When you feel like isolating yourself, do the opposite even though it's hard. Trust me when I say it makes it worse. Connecting with the person you love eases those burdens, the struggle is in getting there.

Good Luck and Good Thoughts!

pregnancy can make bipolar disorder worse; while you say your mood swings are not all related to your pregnancy, your pregnancy is likely contributing to your mood swings being worse because of the hormonal changes your body is going through right now

I don't know if you are on any medication, but I would really suggest getting that sorted out (and as much as the docs can tell you about increased risk to the baby while taking certain medications, the risks of you not taking anything are also there as you pointed out and it's a very gray area as to what to prescribe and when). If your regular doc is uncomfortable with this, I would suggest specialist help (psychiatrists would know more about dealing with bipolar disorder in pregnancy).

I don't want to sound crass here at all. n__n; It's just inevitable that your pregnancy creates changes to your body which can be especially tough when there already is a mood disorder! Don't lose heart! Your husband should understand it's very tough for you right now given the circumstances! Good luck! ;O;

Don't give up. Hormones are creating quite the few changes in you + your bipolarity is also in this. I think sitting down with your husband and explaining how you feel is important. Be receptive to his words too and how he feels. It looks to me like you need to take control of yourself. Have you thought of pre-natal activitites that you can attend with your husband? Aquaform for the pain?

Ask your doctor about medication for your bipolarity. It is more hurtful to stop taking medication than not taking them at all. Or at the very least, see someone to vent and talk about what's going on.

Last night before we went to bed, I composed a note on Facebook of lyrics from a song that I thought completely described just how I felt. I tagged him in it. He read it and liked it. Instead of sleeping in separate rooms like we used to, we actually spent the night in the same bed. We cuddled each other and we both said I love you and I'm sorry. This morning is going better. But I still feel horrible for what I said. He's my world and basically all I have right now. I moved away from my family and friends to be with him, so all I have is him, our roommate when he is home from work, and his friend's fiancee but that's only when she's not working. I'm not much of a social person so that makes it hard too.

I'll see if I can find that book online at Amazon or another book store! And look the author up on Facebook too. I could use all the advice I can get!!

My medication manager put me on Vistaril twice a day at a low dosage. She said there were only 4 options she would recommend. I'm allergic to one of them - Lamictal. She doesn't want to put me on Lithium at any dosage. So all she was left with was Vistaril and my old medication Latuda. She prefers to wait until after I have the baby to put me on Latuda again. I trust her advice, I've been seeing her since my teenage years so she knows all about my history. But I wonder if the Vistaril is enough. I see her again on the 27th, I plan on talking with her about this and see what she says.

I think my husband understands more than I give him credit for!

I have a therapist and probably should try to see her more often than I do. I called her last night to vent. I'm lucky that she allows that since most don't.

I'm not sure on pre-natal activities in our area. He wants to go to a birthing class but I'd have to see what times our local hospital offers them. We only know his work schedule from the 27th to Jan 6th. That'll be 9 to 5 Monday through Friday. It'll change after that.

I've never heard of Aquaform. I'll have to bring that up to my physician when I see him. Since I'll be seeing him before my midwife again. I'd like to consider all safe forms of pain relief if I could.

There's already a lot of great advice here. I agree that you should just sit down and tell him how you're feeling. If you don't think you'll be able to get through it all, write it down and ask him to read it and then you can talk about it.

Is there somewhere with reliable heat you can go while yours is being repaired? Like a coffee shop, mall, or library? At least for part of the day that should help you guys bear it. Cold can also make your muscles tighten up more and aggravate your pain.

If it's possible, I agree it may be a good idea for you to find someone to talk so you can work through your anxieties and insecurities without taking them out on your husband (or lessening it).

We all have rough times and don't always reflect our best selves- that's okay. Try to do better, and compliment him as often as you can and express your appreciation for the things he's doing. At first it may feel strange, but I find it helps reset both people's mindsets.

Good luck with your pregnancy and hubby! Rooting for you!

Continue to see her and more frequently if you can. These are super important, even for parents without a mental illness and whatnot. It makes you feel more secure and it's a nice bonding experience with your husband c:

Aquaform is an activity in water. There is a section for pregnant women and I used to teach it at my local pool. A lot of women were coming to chit chat and exercice the stress away. I've never been pregnant myself but I integrated myself into the group and they enjoyed my support. We do kicks, turns etc and bonding experience with other moms-to-be. You can even bring your husband during certain days. It's an intersting thing to look into!

I'll have to see if that is available in my area or nearby. I'm sure someone in my professional network will know.

Sounds like heaven to me. I don't swim at all, never learned how but I always found it soothing to go in water. One of the big points of the apartment we moved into was an actual bathtub. I can't soak as long as I'd like to, since I can't raise my body temperature too much, but the feel of water is quite nice.

I'm glad you're seeing someone who has known you for so long and can titrate the meds as appropriate. Good luck. ;O;

Thank you! :)

Your pregnancy has everything to do with making your Bipolar worse. You're already going through hormonal changes, plus the disorder on top of it. I would ask your Doctor to be put on medicine.

I'm not much help. I can't have children, never been married... hell, I've never had a boyfriend x)

I have borderline personality disorder, so I can understand the mood swings. Since I've been on medication, things have been grand.

I'm on 25 mg of Vistaril twice a day. Where I'm pregnant, there's not many options for me.

I don't think it's enough but I plan on talking with my medication manager on the 27th when I see her again and see what she recommends. I know my midwife will be in support, she already said she'll work along with my med manager.

That's great ^^

I sometimes forget to take my meds and I turn into a total B*tch. My family hates being around me on days I forget to take my pills.

Edit: lol, what's with the filter?

I'm the same way, luckily my husband found an app I could download on my phone that alerts me to when I need to take my meds. It's set for 11 am every morning. Even though, I only take 3 medications, Vistaril, a prenatal vitamin, and Vitamin D, it really helps!

What filter? The bad language one? I know I have mine disabled and it still filters the swear words.

That should be, Dr. Sue Johnson! She has a few books...Hold Me Tight, Love Sense, and I think she has a new one that just came out or is coming out. Hold Me Tight is the one I read with my hubs and gets into why we argue and what it's really about and how to alter the patterns and do things in a more productive way. It totally changed the way I saw love relationships!

I'm glad you have some options to go for help, and I'm really glad to hear you guys communicated and worked a bit of things out. You're not the first, and you won't be the last, woman to say stuff in the heat of the moment during pregnancy to her hubby ;) I don't remember all of it, my youngest is 14 so it's been a while, but I had horrid mood swings and anger problems when I was pregnant with all 3. I sprained his arm during childbirth with our last, and didn't remember doing it until like a week later. Mine put up with a lot of stuff he didn't deserve...jokes that if I were to get pregnant again he'd move out! I don't blame him! It is seriously hard even without other problems on top, it's like it just exacerbates any pre-existing condition, both mentally and physically.

I've found that part of marriage is growing together...learning how to be a husband and a wife, with first marriages at least, you don't have any previous experience with it. You're both just figuring it out as you go along. Parenting is really the same thing...even from kid to kid, what worked with one won't necessarily work with the rest.

Don't give up! You'll get through this together ;) I am wishing you all the very best!