My mom called me today, about what we (my fiancé and myself) might want for Christmas. I'm just sort of lost and anxious about what to tell her, cause I don't know what to do in this situation. I feel like sh@t about it. She said it's "token gifts" so we have something to unwrap on Christmas (cause the owners of my last, decent job screwed me over and I'm back to barley working on a seasonal job, for slightly more than minimum wage). She knows I basically can't afford anything for Christmas; not without sacrificing what little money I get for what little hours I work... He's doing his best with driving for Uber, and that's predominantly for rent.

I had a plan for Christmas, back in like... August. I was running the store almost single-handedly for no recognition, and that's been destroyed by two idiots; it embarrasses me at 23, that I can't entirely pay for my own stuff. I didn't even want to tell her I have yet to work this month so I just said my hours were cut this week (which is true) and pretended I had been working earlier in the month (which is a total lie). I don't want to ask for something expensive but I don't really want her to think I'm avoiding asking for expensive stuff at the same time. I'm afraid to ask if there's a cutoff or amount we shouldn't exceed. I was hoping they would just stick to the usual plan: give me money/gift cards, to spend as I see fit. I was also hoping she was just going to ask if we wanted anything particular for Christmas dinner. I would have preferred to talk about dinner instead of gifts, since it's basically been killing me that I can't do anything nice for anyone IRL. I knew precisely what I wanted to give her, too, and it was going to be a perfect, simple gift that would delight her.

I figure going 50/50 for each of us would be a good compromise, so it's a grand total of only about $100. Right now though, I want to bash my head on a wall. Repeatedly.

I understand how you're feeling- I've been there too! It'll get better, it'll just take time.

I think you have a few options here- you can tell her that you want to focus on spending time together and are looking forward to helping prepare dinner. Let her know that you are on a tight budget this year, and you would appreciate anything she wants to give you. Go ahead and give her examples of specific things if you want, or you can tell her you always appreciate gift cards so you can try to maximize the value of the gift.

Is there something else you can make for your mom? I know mine really just enjoys spending time together so sometimes I'll plan an outing. Many moms also enjoy personalized gifts like photobooks, photomugs, or collages- there are tons of great sales on sites like snapfish etc where it's really easy to put something together (that's not very expensive).

The silver lining here is that it's your mom, so you can be honest with her and she will understand.

I'm in this position myself. I'm on welfare, I only get ONE shift a week (I've been there for four years) and I can't afford gifts for my brothers or my mom and dad. My brother told me that my dad said we're "too old" for Christmas gifts (I'm turning 30 and my brothers are 25 and 27), but I could really use things I need.

I'm sure she'll understand that you can't do Christmas?

She's not actually the one who cooks, her boyfriend does. She's well-aware of the struggle my life has become and knows how much it frustrated me to suddenly be out of a job and be lied to about it by the owners; it made her mad too, because I was supposed to get a promotion. I thought I finally had a job that would last more than six months. I probably look like a flake or problematic to managers.

I can understand why she may not want to do gift cards... Or would prefer to do gifts this year, with how things have been.

I'm broke till I get paid, and I don't know when precisely that will be; my checks are slightly delayed thanks to wonderful payroll cards, that I can't change from for 90 days. 😔

I don't doubt that she'll understand, I just hesitate about asking/answering.

I'm lucky to get and keep a shift at this point. I can't go from working almost all the time with a day off, that I maybe got to keep, to just being home endlessly applying to jobs. It kills me.

She knows, partially, that my shifts get cut short. Not so much how extremely little I'm working. She actually usually doesn't get presents for herself or from her boyfriend. That's more a personal choice on their parts; occasionally they get themselves concert tickets (or she wins them), if there's one they want to go to. She's pretty okay with not getting gifts but I still feel bad.

Thanks for shedding some more light on your situation- I definitely understand why you're so frustrated with work! One graceful way to get out of answering/asking is to just tell her that you are most looking forward to spending time with her and though you'd appreciate anything she may choose to give you, that's the best gift of all.

And when things change, you can always give her a gift then or take her out for a meal to celebrate!