This is probably going to be long and rambly, and in all honesty, its more so so that i can get this all out and hopefully get it off my chest. Its not that i cant talk to people about it in real life, but its more so i cant get it together enough to say it.

Rewind about 2 and a half years ago, i took my dog Jackie to the vet because i noticed she had frank red blood in her stool, they took some samples and it came back that she had cancer, i was absolutely devastated, i remember thinking it was a death sentence, the vet couldn't give me a time line as to how much longer she had. We ended up doing a more non-invasive surgery to get a large tumor that was in her rectum out but the vet said there was numerous other ones further inside. I know that probably what caused these/caused them to grow faster was because of a medication called Atopica that she was on for her allergies. The one contraindication for that medication is to not take if you dog has neoplasia, well i think she had these tumors already and we just didn't know, so the Atopica helped them grow larger because it suppresses the immune system, thus for helping to releave her allergies.

i told you i was going to ramble.

I do know, that my dog was miserable with her allergies, she had suffered with them for her whole life, we tried specialty dog food, prednisone shots, omg you name it we tried it. She even had to wear the cone of shame for a good year or 2 because she was scratching so much she was causing herself to bleed. Finally we found Atopica and it helped her so much, we traded one vise for another.

So anyways, like i said, i thought that Jackie had a month or so, i had no idea, i mean she was so happy she seemed fine besides the blood in her stool. Well, fast forward a year, two years, shes still happy, the blood got worse and she had to go outside constantly but still happy and not in any pain. Well i could tell these past few months she was really starting to slow down, she took her time getting up the stairs and started having accidents in the house, which she literally had never done. (Btw we had stopped giving her the Atopica) My mom took her to the vet and made my brother go, because he was pretty much in denial about this whole situation, (hes 19). And the vet gave her some prednisone but said there wasnt anything that they could do besides make sure she wasnt in pain.

Well, i could really tell last weekend when i went home (i now live about 2.5 hours from home) she was miserable, she just sat outside, when she came inside she just laid there, she wasnt happy, and i knew when i told her bye that i probably wouldnt see her again, but you know, i work at a hospital, i see people die, i see families that make their loved ones suffer because they cant let go. And im like okay, shes sick, she has cancer, i feel like we've been blessed with almost 3 years since finding out, shes 14, shes lived a good long life, ill be okay, it will all be okay, ive had years to process this and accept it.

Well, im not fucking okay. Im a fucking mess, i cant keep it together. My mom and brother took her last thursday to put her to sleep because she started throwing up blood. I just, we've never had to put a dog to sleep before. We got her when i was 13, i grew up with this dog, she knew me and i knew her, i could look at her and knew what she wanted. She was smart, and so happy, she could lay with you in bed all day, or go to the beach, she was just the best fucking dog we ever had. And it breaks my heart, knowing that ill never see her again. Right now i can still remember the way she felt, her stubby tail, everything, and i know that with time those memories will all fade away. And even though i sit here and tell myself, she was old, everybody dies, she had a great life, it still doesnt lessen the pain any.

I cant sleep, my thoughts are just racing constantly in my head, ive started having to count to 5 over and over again to get myself to stop thinking shit. I feel really bad for my brother, he doesnt handle stuff good and since i moved out a few years back, him and Jackie grew closer (she used to always sleep with me) and he had made the comment a few months back and all he had was my mom, me, Jackie and his girlfriend.

I know eventually it will get better, but right now it just really sucks. And i dont mean to bitch and complain, i know other people have way worse things going on.

Jackie

This was her last picture

Aw, I'm so sorry to hear of the loss of your dog. I know everyone says this, but losing a pet is certainly never easy. Please allow yourself to grieve because it is totally natural, and you should be able to let yourself feel the loss, even though it's painful. Really try to remember that you gave your dog a good, full life and your choice to let her go was definitely for the best, and assured that she had an excellent quality of life -- right up until the end.

We had to put down our one cat about 2 years ago, and it was the first pet I'd really had to lose (besides another old cat who died when I was like... 4 so I had no idea what was going on). She got sick one day, and then a week later we had to put her down (she was only 8, which definitely was a bigger shock to us than anything). We got a clay pawprint of hers which we keep in her old food bowl, and I actually have her print and her name tattoo'd on the inside of my wrist, which is my way of paying homage to her and always having her with me.

I find having memorabilia is always a good thing to have for a pet that has passed, whether it's photos, or a toy they loved, or just something to keep them with you.

Thank you, and im sorry about your cat, im sure its way harder when its that sudden. :(

I wish I had more to say. Except I wish you strength. Remember it is alright and normal to feel sad. No reason to also beat yourself up over feeling crap for a while. Maybe also try some distraction? Try to go to sleep with a audiobook on? To shift your thoughts? Something you already know would probably be better since when you don't get the focus you don't have to rewind.

I agree that memorabilia help. At least they help me, I still miss my cat and my rabbit, but looking at photos and remembering them in the end will become a less painful and more joyous affair.

As I said wish I had more to say to comfort you

I'm so sorry- it is totally normal to grieve and be a mess for a while! Though I thankfully didn't have to put any pets down, a few years ago I came downstairs on my birthday to say good morning to my chinchilla and he was gone :( I had him for over 20 years. The only thing I can think to give you some solace is the knowledge that she's not in pain or suffering, she had a great life, and knew how loved she is.

I'm so sorry to hear about Jackie's passing. She looked like a lovely girl with a great dog smile. It sounds like you guys did a lot to try to help her, and from what it sounds like, you let her go before her suffering became too great. That is our responsibility as pet owners.

In terms of her quality of life, she could have had a POTENTIALLY longer life (bearing in mind that the cancer was 'destined' to be there), but been a miserable itchy wreck during it, or, one with a weakened immune system, but quality. Living with cancer for 2+ years is pretty good-she was a strong girl who was clearly loved very much. :)

Losing a pet is so very difficult. Just know that it sounds like you guys really cared about her and gave her a good life. Even in her final photo she looks so comfortable and happy in her home. <3 Please don't feel wrong for being upset. You lost a family member to a horrible disease. It's normal and okay to feel sad during this time.

I'm so sorry! I remember when my first hamster passed, I was crying and felt like crap for two weeks. I eventually got it together and got another one.

No matter how big or small they are, it hurts.

I'm so sorry about your dog! I lost my dog yesterday and know how you feel<I've been crying all night,I;m crying right now,I can't seem to stop. She was 19 and in the last month had gotten really weak,she went in my arms. Everyone keeps telling me what a long happy life she had and that she knew how loved she was. I guess we both can take some comfort in that thought. Right now it doesn't feel like it will ever stop hurting,I miss her so much. I know you feel the same,you are not alone.

This post made me tear up all over again... I'm so very sorry for your loss, Jackie was adorable...what a sweet, sweet smile she had! I understand all too well how much it hurts. I'm still not "over" the loss of my childhood dogs and never will be. The bond is so strong when you literally grow up with them like that...I had my first dog with me for 17 years, adopted him when I was only 5. This has been a really rough year for me too, our family lost three furkids. First was my cat Nala who passed suddenly from a grand mal seizure...she was only two years old. The shock from that was overwhelming and just about did me in. Then we lost Buster the chihuahua, also to cancer. Just yesterday my family lost our oldest dog, Haylee, who was over 19 years old. That she lived to such a grand old age is nothing short of incredible and up until these last couple of months she had always been very healthy and active. She loved absolutely everyone and would just prance along like a puppy. Even though it wasn't sudden like it was with Nala the pain was just the same and it never gets any easier.

Time will numb it but I can't say it ever fully goes away. The best medicine I've found is to focus on the happy memories, look at photographs, share stories about them that make you smile. That's what keeps them alive in our hearts. Remember that Jackie will ALWAYS be with you. You gave her a wonderful life with so much love! If only all dogs were so lucky. This is my favorite quote of all time and it brought me comfort shortly after I lost my first dog... "Some things you see with your eyes, others you see with your heart." ❤️

I'm right there with you, dude. Had to put my beloved chow chow, Lucky down a few months ago, and it's still very much like an open wound. I'm going to share this with you, because it helped me grieve and cope, and I hope it may help you as well.

I adopted Lucky as a senior dog who had crippling arthritis, so my dad built him a special wagon to cart him around on. He couldn't really walk on his own, so we ended up using it to take him to the beach, the mountains, the country, etc., so that he could travel with us - he loved that thing! Anyway, one day we found out he had such bad cancer in his lungs, that we had to put him down immediately. We didn't have any time to process it or "spend" with him - it had to be done at that moment because he was suffering so much. We got home and saw his wagon sitting in the yard, and just lost it. I'm 30 years old, and have never cried so much in my life. We had to put the wagon in the garage, because it was too painful to look at. A few days later, still stricken with grief, I decided to take his unopened food, new toys, etc. down to the humane society to donate. But I had no idea what to do with the wagon.

My dad and I decided, that the best way to honor Lucky's memory would be to help other dogs with mobility issues. We decided to set up a charity in his name, Lucky Paws, to build custom wagons and mobility devices for dogs with advanced arthritis or physical impairments. They're going to be free to anyone who needs one, and we've slowly been getting funding and donations from local business and private sponsors. It's never going to bring him back, but helping other dogs and dog owners has helped me TREMENDOUSLY to cope with Lucky's loss. I'd like to think that he'd be thrilled to see other dogs getting to enjoy their senior years in such comfort and style, and with pimped out wagons of their own.

I know it is an extremely difficult time, but maybe finding ways to work with other dogs will help you to mourn the loss of Jackie, and to honor her memory. Maybe donating food or supplies, drawing free pet portraits for owners, writing a story about your time with Jackie - anything to help her memory and spirit live on. I know we all grieve in our own ways, but it really helped me get out a dark place knowing that I could do something nice for some other special dog, and I could do it in Lucky's name.

Sending you lots of hugs and best wishes <3

The loss of a childhood pet is not something you ever fully get over, I think. My family got a Boston Terrier when I was 3 years old and we had her for 14 years. My entire childhood was spent growing up with her. Around her 13th birthday she started losing her eyesight and having seizures and over the next year her health declined just like your Jackie.

I was a complete wreck for a good month after we had her put to sleep even though I knew it was for the best. Even now, years later, just telling someone else about her makes me cry like a baby. So let yourself grieve! Treasure every happy memory you have of her.

Hugs!

(and everyone else who lost a dog too) I'm sorry for your loss. D:

The important thing is to let yourself grieve in whatever way you feel most comfortable with. People grieve in different ways and that's totally fine. No one can say what works best for you!

I still haven't watched a video of my dog and it's been two years, man. I'm just getting around to the possibility of it and I still get really emotional, especially near the date of his birthday and death. I agree with , it's not something you completely get over. Which is unfortunate, but it only shows how much you cared about the dog. Same thing works for anything you lose, be it human, dog, cat, or whatever.

I saw my dog put down and I experienced his agonal gasps and how he looked at me like what the hell is going on and that shit is downright horrifying and part of me wonders if that was the right choice at the time (he had cancer too and it was weighing up whether to wait until it encroached any further in his jaw / face) or even the right choice of me being there with him (like what if I hadn't seen it? would I be less traumatized by his death, could I imagine him going away more peacefully? or would I be wracked with questions of WHAT HAPPENED?) and that's a tough thing to say. It does make the happier memories a whole lot harder for myself because those last moments are burned into my brain. So anyone with a dog still left, exploring those options ahead of time were you to have an option to be in with your dog, is something to consider, because thinking about it later when your brain is emotional is difficult. I didn't think about it in-depth and just wanted to be with him and I probably would have done the same thing anyway, but yeah, thinking about the thing would have probably prepared me more.

edit: It's also amazing how noticeably more anxious I've been without him. I think we forget how relaxing an effect dogs can have and how their death can impact us. It's important to try and find support, be it social or with activities to fill the void.

Thank you so much everybody for your kind words, i havent been able to read everybodys post at this moment because im trying not to cry, but i appreciate every one of you

I'm so sorry about Jackie. She was a beautiful dog with a great smile. Remember that it is okay to feel sad during this time. Anyone would get upset when a loved one passes away, pets included.

Jackie's story hit home for me because I went through a similar thing with my childhood dog a few years ago, Chili. She had cancer as well, but I believe it was benign because she only got tumors on her front right leg. We got it removed several times over the course of several years. Towards her last few months, she got a couple strokes that momentarily made the right side of her body practically paralyzed for a couple days. (One of her strokes happened Thanksgiving day; that wasn't a good holiday for me). A few months past and I visited home from school. I had this horrible feeling that it would be the last time I would see Chili, so saying good-bye to her was awfully hard. She passed away two days later.

Even though Chili passed away February 2013, it's still hard. It doesn't bring me down often anymore, but there will be times where I'll think of her and really miss her, or even tear up. What you're feeling right now is totally natural. It's cliche, but time WILL help you heal. Maybe not 100%, but it will get better, even though it may seem impossible right now. People on here, like , hit it right on the money with the memorabilia. I really wish we had Chili's collar or her favorite stuffed toy, but we do have photos of her and I still find myself telling stories about her. I also have a tribute Subeta pet to Chili and maybe that would be something that you would enjoy too. Jackie was such a lucky dog to have you and your family.

I'm sorry about Jackie. :( I lost my cat Coco a few years ago after his liver failed. I had had him since I was 10 years old and it was absolutely crushing to loose him. As silly as it sounds, he really was the only true comfort to me through high school bullying and self harm. (generally my awkward teen years) I try to remember how deeply I cared for the lil guy and he had lived a good life, as did Jackie. It won't lessen the pain you feel right now, but it might bring comfort in the long run.