I'm not sure if you'd call this an issue, per se, but I'm not sure what to do about it. -deep breath- Okay, a little background. I dint have clinical depression, but I believe I hit a bought of depression around 4 years ago. I was in a bad mental place, nothing felt right or okay, and my living situation was a mess. It's been a while since then, I'm in a much better place now. My boyfriend and I live in our own little apartment, we both have jobs that keep the bills paid, a vehicle to help us get around, food in the fridge. While I feel like I've gotten a thousand times better, I still feel like something is missing. Sometimes it feels like that bought of depression was a waking-up period that I'm still getting over.

Bah, I feel like I'm being really unclear, I apologize to you lovely, obliging folks reading. I have hobbies. I read, I draw, I craft and paint, but a majority of my down time is spent on this website, I'm not even joking. I don't know what to do with myself when I'm not occupied by my phone, a screen of some kind. I get this bored feeling despite being surrounded by projects and things to do. I suppose I feel unfulfilled somehow. My job pays the bills bit I don't necessarily love it, nor do I expect to ever truly enjoy a job, and I'm okay with that because we plan to eventually live in a sustainable house that doesn't need do much freaking money to maintain. Again, I've games to play, things to create or even clean if I need to move around, but there's still this overarching boredom that casts a grey pall over the rest of my...I don't want to say life, but life. And I don't know what to do about it.

I imagine trying new things will be suggested, and taken cause I do love trying new things, like making new things. I'm trying to get out of the house more too. Plants need sun after all (lol, cause my name is Lili. Hush, it was funny). Has anyone else been going through this, or have you in the past? Not that anyone can tell me for sure what my problem is, I don't expect that, I just feel a little lost and need some guidance from one with experience. Thank you for reading, regardless.

@ LilithianComplex I understand what you are trying to say. I deal with depression myself. The only difference is, I have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, bipolar depression, ocd, adhd and borderline personality disorder. My doc says I was raised on a broken foundation due to being brought up in an abusive household. ANYWAY, that is the rub. Depression never goes away, it creeps up on you, and before you know it you are drowning in it and find yourself in dark places that you don't want to be. I have been diagnosed with this stuff when I was 8 years old. I have had a long time to fight it and deal with it. I am not trying to bring you down doll, but it never really goes away. It just gets easier to deal with and it is something that needs to be taken one day at a time.

You can battle it. You can cope. There are ways to fill that void. Feeling lost..that's normal. The best thing to do is look for reasons to keep going. Honestly, that is why I am on subeta, or playing video games. That is how I cope. It got better once I had my son too. Cause then I realized it wasn't just me anymore and he became my reason. Depression is different for everyone and so it the way to deal with it. I have to go to monthly therapy, and take medication to help. Because Bi-polar disorder is actually a chemical imbalance in the brain. So the only way to repair it, is to balance out those chemicals with medication management.

You will also need a support network. Whether that be an actual group therapy, a friend going through the same thing, or your boyfriend. You need someone to talk to mostly. I am here if you would like to ever message me, I am well versed in this stuff. I am an avid member of groups that fight the stigma and support those with mental illness. That is what depression is. You are sick doll, you just can't see yours physically and just like someone with the flu or diabetes, you need to be taken care of and treated, but that doesn't mean you are not a normal person. 90% of people have some sort of mental disorder and most of them don't believe that they do.

You will be okay, you just have to find your reason. Maybe go to school? Find something that fires up your passion and zest for life. For me, it is taking care of my kid and trying to help others just like myself. Also, keep in mind, just because you are sick, just because you are fighting this thing, doesn't mean you shouldn't keep going that there aren't reasons to be happy. You will make it through this thing. You will be okay. :3

I kind of thought everyone went through depression of one form or another in their lives. Not to sound like a complete millennial, but the transition to adulthood and all of its responsibilities is a difficult one. I figured hey, bad life choices catch up to us, and that 4-ish years was just that and me climbing back out of it. It effects everyone differently bit I don't feel depressed, I don't feel as dark or bad or lost as I did then. I suppose that doesn't mean I'm fine though, lol. I know I'm not fine. 'Going through some stuff' could be the title of my autobiography. Right now it feels like I'm not always entirely sure who I am, so I'm looking, I think that's why I fill my time with Subeta as much as I do, because I don't know what to do otherwise, and that leaves me feeling...unfulfilled for one.

There's a good list of stuff I'm passionate about, I do need to go through it again. And be with friends more. I have a bad habit of not spending time with them. There was a bad point in my relationship where I was made to feel bad about leaving, seeing friends, not spending time with the boyfriend (even though we did nothing), so I just stopped going out and talking to people. I'm aware that that's not good, we both do, but change is a process ^ ^;

How you tried going to seek out therapy or a counselor? There is only so much that the voice of others will do, but being a professional will help. Depression is a medical issue, and a band-aid will not help. You need to seek someone that has professional training to help. You wouldn't go to your friends to patch up a broken bone, right? No, you see a professional doctor. We can give you advice, but we can't crack codes.

If anything, try eating whole foods (fruits and veggies) and exercising more. Getting out and staying active helps! Much love ❤️