Okay, so I've been very confused and unsure who to talk to about this, cause I can't talk to my mom as she is extremely Christian and has expressed a great distaste for same gender relationships and irrc told me if me or any of my sisters had that kind of relationship, she would still love us but not want to talk to us or have anything to do with us until the "situation" was over as she can't deal with the idea of it. Since I don't live anywhere near my dad, I can't talk to him either, not that I think I could express this to him without some kind of weirdness or blowup, and I don't enjoy my stepdad enough to feel I can trust him with something so sensitive, especially since he can't keep his mouth shut and will blab all about it to my mom....

So having no one IRL to talk to, I actually came to this forum to possibly post my own thread about this...

I am 28 years old and I am beginning to have suspicions that I might be Bi, or something else incredibly similar. I never really thought about all my life till recently when I had an argument with a guy friend of mine. We were arguing about the fact he kept trying to vie for my love and I was in no way interested and told him it's because he is completely insensitive and rude among a long list of other reasons that have accumulated over the years, but that's whole debaucle is not the point here.

So, anyway he rebuttals snidely with something akin to "So what? You gonna go out and find yourself a girl?" And, in my anger I responded with something akin to "Yeah, maybe I will, might be better than being with a soulless jackwad like you".

Well ever since then I kinda thought about it, and became more aware that I do actually find girls attractive. I still find guys attractive too though (although being shy and introverted, and maybe a bit picky) I feel attracted to a very low amount of guys or girls, but the amount of girls or guys I find attractive seem to be fairly equal to each other. I have never really had much of an "urge" for sexual activity with either gender, but I have been a little bit sexually active with my now ex-fiance, but that could be very well due to how modest my mom brought me up since she is very Christian.

So lately, I've definitely felt "curious", as in I would not be opposed to at least trying out a relationship with a girl to know what it is like and because I have noticed at least a low level of attraction to girls on occasion, and more so recently, especially if I see a cute girl in a movie, I can't seem to help but think "wow she's cute" and not just in a normal "Oh she's rather pretty, and move on" kind of way, but like I feel actually interested in dating the individual or getting to know them better...

But a part of me feels slightly repelled and I think it's only due to my upbringing and how my mom pretty much portrayed it as "shameful" and the ilk so I think that may be blocking a potential higher level of interest in the same gender.

Though I also suspect this confusion may also arise from my many characters I have. To better explain that, I like to RP a lot. Just random perfectly clean RPs, (there was 1 or 2 that got a little dirty) but that's beside the point. When I RP I do get very into character and I do have both male and female characters so I've had to often portray an interest in females. I even have 2 characters that are females and are dating each other, it was a complete accident in the RP but it ended up happening and I ended up liking it. So I have a lesbian couple of characters, as well as several male characters... so I don't know if that has somehow melted into my own personality, or if I'm confusing my character's feelings with my own.

So all in all.. I don't know where I'm going with this, if I'm looking for advice or someone to talk to about it to validate how I feel. I just want to figure out what it is and kinda hoped maybe someone out there might know more about this than I do and I could get some kind support I guess about all of this.. I just feel weird enough typing this as, like I mentioned, my mom and the way she raised me has given me this annoying underlying feeling that tells me this is wrong and not okay, but my thought on it is "why should it not be okay?" so I'm fighting how I feel vs how I was raised I guess?

I don't know.. I should stop now before this becomes a book....

Hi! First off, it's absolutely ok to be bi, pan, etc. There's nothing wrong or bad about it, and your mom is absolutely in the wrong to not want to interact with you if you're dating another girl. You are 100% okay as you are.

Secondly, about the characters: I don't know the situations surrounding your RPs (and this may be just a me thing) but when I make characters, aspects of them usually come from myself, rather than the other way around. And if it is the other way around for you, there's nothing wrong with that either, even if it changes in the future. If you want to call yourself bi now because you feel like it fits (even if it didn't in the past and might not in the future!), that's totally ok.

Last of all, if you don't feel particularly sexually attracted to someone, it might be worth checking out asexuality and the asexual spectrum. (It's totally possible to be asexual and be romantically or asthetically attracted to people, I personally am asexual and panromantic.) Again, if you look at that stuff and decide that you're asexual right now, and that changes later on for you, that's 100% fine.

If you want someone to talk to more indepth about this, feel free to send me a message! hugs

Wow, I am actually unsure how to even respond, right now. Maybe I will do just that and send a reply to this message as I do feel fairly uncertain what things can be said more publicly here and I don't want to end up saying something that offends anyone.

I do the same thing when it comes to female actors in movies. I just finished watching this super great show on Netflix and I was in love with her role and started looking her up. It's that smile of hers, ya know?

I can relate to that in some way. I used to be religious, but I'm not now. But somehow, a part of me doesn't want to experiment because I don't want to feel like I've done something wrong and be ashamed of myself. And I have really religious people in my family and it would kill me if they disowned me.

I have two pets on Subeta. One is Bi and the other one is gay. Both females. I've RPed one of my characters being in love with a girl. Can't say that RP was clean haha.

Anyway, this reminds me of my thread, which I know you checked out. Seems like we're both in the same place. I'm glad you had to talk to, because I literally suck at advice.

Yeah, I actually used to be Christian, but I found out my beliefs just didn't match up with the beliefs of that religion so I ended up switching to Wicca when my ex-fiance taught me about it and I realized it matches up with how I already felt about life. Ever since I've felt a lot more confident and comfortable in how I believe.

Aha and yeah, usually my RPs are clean due to my general apathy for sexual content of any sort, but I had 1 male character who was EXTREMELY lewd and dirty minded. I don't even know how he even popped into m mind or why I kept him around, I felt super awkward playing him.

The two female characters I mentioned, like I said weren't intended to be bi/lesbian but it just kinda happened and I ended up just loving it so much somehow that I kept it canon. Those two are two of my top favorite of my characters. <3

And yes, I cannot tell you how grateful I am to for them taking the time to talk to me and helping me figure it out. I seriously was probably going to go insane trying to figure it out on my own, and they showed me links with information I didn't even know was a thing, I originally just thought I was Bi, but it turned out I was a bit more than just that.

I don't think you particuarly suck at advice or anything, but regardless, I think just having someone to talk to is probably enough. At least you can get some validation for how you feel, and even though I don't know near as much as about this, I may can at least extend their kindness and help you out as much as I can. =)

Maybe would like to offer insight in my case lol