I am emotionally, physically, and mentally ready to break up with my boyfriend of almost 5 years. It breaks my heart, but I know that this is what I need to do for myself. So I am leaving him. I just don't know how.

I'm having a difficult time trying to figure out a game plan because I have tried before, and I simply can not afford to fail again. Here are the reasons why it will be difficult:

1. We live together.
2. We both pay half the bills.
3. But I want to stay in this house, and kick him out.
4. Both of our names are on the lease (the 1st year is up, we are now just on a month-to-month lease, so that's good)
5. He has no friends.
6. He has no where to go, his family won't even take him in.
7. He has been driving my car.
8. We have purchased several large/expensive items together (couch, TV, Xbox).
9. He is a ticking time bomb and is very persuasive.

So, since he has no where to go and no car, I want to let him know in advance that I am breaking up with him and kicking him out, and then give him a date to be out by.

He will go off on sometimes even the smallest of things, so I would rather not be around when he finds out I am breaking up with him. I was thinking I could write him a letter and leave it for him to read when he gets home from work or when he wakes up in the morning when I am not home. I don't think I could go through with telling him in person anyway.

I already know that I need to talk to my landlord about this, of course. I'm not sure if I will be able to take his name off the lease without his consent, and I don't think he would sign the house over to me either. However, I can get a roommate to replace him as far as the bills go.

I need your help and advice!

I have friends and family that I can go stay with if needed. I am not too worried about the items we bought together, I would just want to keep the couch, that's all. I have plenty of great, reasonable reasons why I am leaving him, but convincing him will be the hard part.

I'm concerned for you as you say he is is a ticking time bomb which is never a good thing. D: And if you can't even break up in person, I mean what kind of unstable person is he?! It sounds to me like with how you guys are living right now that in his mind he's probably equating that with forever or at least very long-term and if you feel unsafe breaking it off in person do so in a letter. As far as the bills go, I would get someone legal involved to make it more official. You might have to come to terms that as messy as this breakup is sounding you might not get to keep the house if you both share it 50-50 and he's as stubborn as he sounds. He's not going to listen to any reasons initially so those are a moot point right now. Your number one priority should be your safety. Break off either by letter OR with someone in the house with y'all so it can't escalate (or if it does, you feel safer).

You're right. However, he has never been physical with me. He will throw things and slam doors. The other night, he got so drunk that he blacked out. When I came home, it looked like he had fallen in the bathroom. The toilet paper was soaked, there was pee/water on the floor, the trashcan looked like it had been kicked, the toilet paper holder thing was broken, and he had two bruises on his forehead, one on his hip, and a huge one on his thigh. He had no clue what happened. Sometime during his drunkenness, he lost his keys. When he couldn't find them the next morning, he was extremely pissed about it so he ran through the house searching for them. He slammed doors and was yelling. The neighbors actually came over and asked if everything was okay. And that's when I decided I couldn't deal with this anymore. He drinks every day by himself. Every day.

Dude has no self-control so when you break off with him his only natural response may be to retaliate physically. D: Omgggg this is a daily thing and by himself. Okay I'm glad you're breaking up with him for your own sake. I hope you are able to do so. I know alcoholism is a disease but you don't deserve that. /hugs

Aww thank you! hugs

I am about to go to vet school, so a lot is about to change in my life. It's going to be really hard and not too many relationships last through vet school anyway. I won't have time for one; I have to focus on me first. This is my dream, this is what I want for myself, and I won't let anything hold me back. I had been debating on breaking up with him in my head for a couple months now, but when that incident happened the other night, I decided I must go with my gut on this one. I think what I will do is write a letter and leave it for him to read when he gets home from work tomorrow. That way he will have enough time to calm down before I get home and then we can talk about it.

Good luck with the whole thing. It has been said before, but please make sure that your not alone with him if he's that emotionally unstable. Also , you should probably refuse to talk to him if he's drunk. No good things can get from that.

Since your last post was a frew day ago you've probably already broken up with him. I'm hoping everything went ok and he will leave without putting up too much of a fight.

I made it so that I was not home. He took it better than I thought he would though. He kept saying he was going to fight me to keep the house, but he eventually moved out. I went to work one morning, came home that night and he was gone. I haven't heard from him since. I am quite relieved though because everything worked out.

Good to hear that everything went well! Maybe this will be a turnaround for him as well and make something of his life. Do you live with a roommate now?

Glad everything worked out well! I was in the same situation a few years back where i lived with my then bf and wanted to break up but he had no money and no where to go and it was just really bad, i ended up basically having to turn the electricity off since it was in my name and telling him the date it would be shut off by and he had until then to get out

Yeah hopefully he will do something with his life. I am currently searching for a roommate.

I could have done something like that, but where would I go in the meantime? I couldn't cut the electricity off on myself, but that is a good idea.

Thanks for your support, everyone!