hey subeta fam. i feel like i'm always here to complain, lol.

lately, i've been so upset with how my relationship is going. my boyfriend and i have been dating a little over 3 years, and we're starting to hit some really big bumps. about two months ago, i caught him texting one of the girls he used to talk to because we started dating. him and her were flirting, and he was talking crap about me to her, and this isn't the first time this has happened in our relationship. about one month ago, i caught him talking to another girl calling her babe and telling her he loves her, and all that annoying stuff. i had no idea who it is, and still can't figure it out. he lies and says he doesn't remember who it is, but he remembers her number. why on earth would you text someone you love them if you don't even know who it is? lol. i tried breaking the relationship off but he threatened to kill himself. he told me if i break up with him it's going to be my fault for his death and he wants me to suffer through it. like how manipulative! ever since that has happened, we've been on thin ice. i don't trust him at all, because all he does is lie, even about the smallest things. his mom, sister, and nieces were there when he was threatening to kill himself and his family started verbally attacking me saying it's all my fault and i'm such a terrible girlfriend; when literally he was in the wrong and i just wanted to break up with him. his family has always been an issue in our relationship. they're liars just like him, and just low class people that i don't associate myself with. i honestly feel like i lose IQ points just surrounding myself with them. we planned on getting married and having a family, and obviously his family is still going to be in the picture and just having that image in my head just upsets me because they're awful people. recently today, me and my boyfriend went to the doctors and got medicine prescribed. my boyfriend doesn't have insurance so he would have to pay out of pocket for them which would be around $50. i told him i can't afford to buy his medicine because i've spent all my money on him, and i'm not even exaggerating. i told him that i have the same medicine being prescribed to me, and i would share if he needed them. after he gets home i get a text from his sister going off on me saying how terrible of a person i am for not getting his medicine, and that i do nothing to help their family and just mean things. number one, i'm dating him not the whole family so why should i be helping the whole family? (which i have done in the past) i just feel like my boyfriend is telling me one thing and going home and telling his sister another. i honestly just want out of the relationship. i'm so done being controlled and not being good enough even though i'm the best thing that could of happened to him. i'm the reason why he started college to get his life on track, unlike any of his family members. it just drives me nuts because the whole family thinks i'm made out of money. my boyfriend is a grown man, he should be paying for his own things. he hasn't had a job the whole time we've been together and i've had over 4, working my tail off. i just don't know what to do. obviously i don't want him to kill himself, and i don't want that to be on my shoulders. ugh, i just want this all to end.

Your boyfriend is a classic abusive manipulator. That's what this is: abuse. It is standard fare for abusive partners desperate to keep their relationship intact to pull out the 'I'll kill myself' tool. It's a quick, easy, dramatic thing to throw out there to make you feel guilty. Whether he would actually do it is up for debate, but if he did: it would not be your fault, no matter how the family tries to manipulate you into believing so. His life his solely his own responsibility, it is not yours.

You need to gather your support system, steel yourself, and leave. If he threatens suicide or personal harm, call 911, but still walk out the door. Believe me, the 911 operator and the paramedics and police will not look poorly on you if you say "I tried to break up with my boyfriend, he's threatening to kill himself, he needs help." They hear that more often than you'd think.

There is no way to rationalize his behavior, and you don't need to work this out.

Several years ago I dated a guy who was basically just looking for someone to take care of him. He was incredibly self-centered. He was constantly seeking confirmation of my interest in him and he would do this by manipulating me. He didn't have much luck making me happy so he worked on upsetting me instead. He was aware that I was in a fragile emotional state and he preyed upon that, upon my insecurities and a desire to be appreciated. He was very skilled at treading that fine line between my emotional needs and my personal fears. It was a learned behavior, highly influenced by his family and how they interacted. However, it had become a behavior so integral to his personality that he saw nothing wrong with his maltreatment of me.

It sounds like your boyfriend is similar. He seems to look to you as more of a provider than a partner. While it can be tempting to stay in the relationship due to your emotional investment and a sense of responsibility, it is highly unlikely you will ever be truly happy with him.

By threatening to commit suicide, he is trying to make you choose his life over yours basically.
If you do break with him and he actually goes through with it, that will be on him. It'll be his decision and he will do it in a last ditch attempt to try to control you.

[edit] Saw post after submitting mine. Nightingale is correct. What my ex did and what your boyfriend's doing is being abusive through emotional manipulation.

oh man, i'm so sorry to hear that. I just broke up with my girlfriend of 2 years and man,i can relate. every time something went wrong with the relationship she would call me and tell me she is either gonna hurt herself or kill herself and i would have to rush to her no matter what. I referred her to the school counsellors the last time she threatened me and shes no longer my problem after that.

I really second Nightingale's suggestion. Have 911 ready the next time you confront him. you've got to immediately place this responsibility somewhere else and its totally not your fault for doing that.

When I was 18, I met a guy at my place of employment and we hit it off very well. Slowly, he started to change and I was seeing his true colors. He abused me, physically, mentally, verbally, and sexually. I was so scared of this guy and I couldn't break up with him because he threatened to do a murder/suicide. He said if I broke up with him, he'd kill my mum and dad, all of my siblings, then me and then take his own life. I lived in fear and I knew he was cheating on me with other girls. He'd call and text them or sit on the computer and give them 'shows' as I sat in the background playing Pokemon to just ignore it all. One night he stomped on my back because I fell asleep on the floor while watching his favorite shows (Bleach and Aqua Team Hunger Force). I wasn't allowed to sit on furniture. I had to sit on the floor at all times but when he 'requested' me to go to bed, I was allowed to sleep on the bed but, I never rested.
Seven months into this relationship, my brother who is a Marine came home for my graduation of high school. I took him to the side, drunk out of my mind and told him what my boyfriend was doing. My brother got, for a lack of better word, upset at this guy for hurting his 'baby sister'. He told the guy that he had five minutes to leave the property or he would tell our mum what he has done and my mum had a loaded gun with a bullet with his name on it. My mum hated the guy.
Thanks to my brother, I was able to get away from the guy but he never hurt my family or killed himself.
I wanted to share my story with you, I know it's hard, but Nightingale is correct. Call 911, get to somewhere safe. If he's that mentally unstable, he needs professional help and you need a safe place to be able to breath and relax. Don't let him control you. I know what it's like and it's not fun. I hope everything goes well for you. If you ever need to talk, send me a PM, I'm usually online everyday until I start my new job.

As others have said, he is emotionally abusive and a narcissist. Break up with him. He will NEVER change. He will probably tell you that he wants to change. He may even pretend he has changed just to temporarily "fix" the relationship and win you back, but it is all a lie. Likewise his threats of suicide are just tactics to keep you in the relationship.

I recently left my emotionally abusive husband of 5 years. After all those years of thinking I was a bad person and couldn't do anything right and deserved his wrath, I have learned that I am perfectly normal, and that everything that happened to me was abuse. The only way to heal and be happy is to leave him. Trust me. If you have any questions or need to talk please please please comment or message me.

http://liveboldandbloom.com/11/relationships/signs-of-emotional-abuse https://www.bpdcentral.com/narcissistic-disorder/hallmarks-of-npd/

Wow you are in one heck of a situation. Like everyone else is saying break up with him. Quiet frankly blaming you for suicide is pretty stupid, and you shouldn't be responsible for his choices. If he's a grown man, his choices belong to him alone. I also agree that the whole suicide thing in itself is probably just a way to keep you close to him. His family is also pretty ridiculous to blame you for things that shouldn't be your responsibility. If you feel you can't do this by yourself, it's understandable, but don't be afraid to get help. As others have said, keep 911 on speed dial in case things get messy.