Maybe this doesn't go here... I don't know.. I'm just struggling VERY BADLY tonight with depression. I've moved to a whole different state after living in the previous one for my entire 28 year life. I've been struggling with the anxiety of it.. Of losing all my friends, and now having to live with 2 really obnoxious boys who are about a dumb collectively as a single door nail, and I also have my stepdad telling my mom that I'm lazy and not doing enough for the household although I am trying so very hard and my mom says I do enough, but he keeps getting on me like I have to do so much more just cause I'm older than the two boys while they aren't being expected to do much at all even though they are more than old enough to learn to act like adults too... So yeah.. All this.. Is just killing me. I don't know what to do.

I've always been smart, but never smart enough with common knowledge stuff like knowing how to meet friends, socialize, get a job without lobbing off a limb and just other stupid social drawbacks that makes my life hell..

I just... Need someone.. Anyone to chat with.. I just don't know anymore..

Hi!

That sounds rough...and I can definitely relate to some of the situations you find yourself in.

I'm not sure how I learned to cope...I think I've withdrawn myself so much from my parents that most of what they say tend not to impact me as much. It sounds bad, and it is. But if that's what it takes to keep going, then that's going to have to be how it is.

Feel free to sMail me if you feel more comfortable that way. :) I'll try my best to reply!

Yeah, I pretty much do that myself, I just kinda hide away in my room and just try to block out everything to the best of my ability. It still sucks, I can't help but feel like if only I had tried harder, I wouldn't be in such an undesirable situation. So I think I can only blame myself which makes things worse. Both of my younger sisters are much better off than I am...

And thank you for taking time to reply to me. I don't mind if you wanna talk here or on sMail. I'm comfortable either way so I'll let it be your preference.

i'm sorry that you're going through this ): if you ever want to vent or rant, or just wanna talk i'm always open ears.

I appreciate that! I would be more than happy to have another person to talk to. <3

how are things going today? how are you feeling?

I'm doing decently today. The past few days have been nice since the stupid boys I have to deal with are on a job with my stepdad for 2 weeks so I haven't had to deal with all of that stress, but I still am apprehensive for when they eventually return.. I also got myself pretty sunburned yesterday while playing Pokemon Go. I hadn't realized it was even getting bad until I got myself home, so I hurt a bit, but I seem to be healing quickly. So how are you today?

don't you love when people you dislike go away for a period of time? lol. alone time is amazing. and ouch, sunburn sucks. i've played pokemon go briefly, but kind of gave up since the game had so many glitches and was too laggy. and hopefully when they come back, they don't start anything with you. if so, just take it through one ear and let it out the other.

and i'm doing alright! extremely tired, due to the lack of sleep i got last night due to stressing over homework that is passed due that i have been procrastinating on, oops. i have a little more to finish up tonight, but it shouldn't seem too bad and then i'm going to crash for bed. i have a concert/rave tomorrow night, so i need all the rest i can get.

Yeah I really do love it. Though my mom doesn't understand why I say I don't like them even though she knows my complaints are valid, she just can't seem to grasp that I don't like them rather than "not enjoying being around them".

Yeah, Pokemon Go really doesn't hold a lot of charm really. It was pretty cool at first but when the developers kept ignoring problems and kept pushing updates that werent what people wanted it got more frustrating. I merely decided to make a day of it yesterday for the first time in months because there is a Halloween event and all Pokemon I catch give me double the usual candy. And the ghost type Pokmon Gastly, haunter and Gengar have a MUCH higher chance to spawn, which were some of the many I haven't gotten so I felt like "eh, why not? I barely have anything better to do anyway,"

And honestly, it's not that the boys "start anything with me" they mostly barely acknowledge me, which is by far completely fine by me. The problem is dealing with them watching movies when I'd really like to have some quiet, the TV is almost never off with them around, or at least not something I care to listen to. Plus one of them laughs in such a loud obnoxious way it makes me want to murder something. Well, I think that goes for his voice in general, it just grates on the few nerves I have left. Then I have to keep dealing with them trashing my bathroom that I have to share with them, or leaving the light on in there, and that is a constant stress since I try so hard to keep it clean, but I by no means want to clean up after them so I have to either tell them to do it or report it to my mom and have her take care of getting them to do it...

I know some of it is petty, especially with the fact I can't stand hearing them talk. At all. Even though I know they have to. I just wish they would just be mimes and never speak...

And that sucks, I am sorry to hear you did not sleep well. I am so glad I don't have to worry about homework, but I think I'd prefer it over what I have to deal with when those stupid boys get home. I do hope you manage to get better sleep tonight than you did last night. And I hope you have fun at your event too. =)

that's upsetting. i hate when you have your own beliefs about someone, and they pretty much try to change your mind about the person, but you know how you feel for a reason.

and i had no idea that there was a halloween event! maybe i'll have to make a night out of it, because during the day time where i live is way too hot to be outside, even though it's the end of october, ugh.

i feel that way with a lot of people. maybe just try to put headphones in and block them out?

homework sucks, but hopefully college will put me in the place i need to be. I MEAN YOU CAN DO MY HOMEWORK AND I'LL DEAL WITH THE STUPID BOYS? DEAL? DEAL. and thank you, me as well!

Yeah, that's how I feel too. My mom gets some weird ideas sometimes, and I understand her premise, she seems to think it's not right to say that you do not like someone, but rather you should say you don't enjoy being around them. Honestly, I think that is just sugar coating it too much. I think it is fine to say you do not like someone, so long as you aren't being hateful about it. I should be able to express how I feel about someone without being invalidated.

And yeah, it was pretty fun yesterday aside from getting sun burned. And I understand the too hot thing. Back when I lived in Texas 3 months ago there was no way in heck I could go outside and play until sometime in December when it'd get cool enough. Now I live in Colorado and the weather is so much nicer, I was out and about all day and it got a little warm, but not so much that it was uncomfortable. I've been pretty happy about the weather here, it's just so much more up my ally. I hate hot weather, it makes me feel sick and lethargic.

And honestly. IF I COULD do that deal, I totally would. I'd so much prefer to do homework and research, except I'd sure hate to subject you to them. One of them isn't too bad but the other is highly disrespectful, especially towards women.

hey, you're more than welcome to vent it out on me, lol. i'm very... bold in my family, usually meaning if something is off or odd, i will say something about it. it can get me in trouble sometimes, or sometimes it makes a problem come to the surface so everyone can hash it out themselves, and make it better! i feel you should say what's on your mind. of course, have manners behind it, but have at it.

i'm in arizona, the hottest and driest state in US, and the summer is awful. like, it's currently in the high 90's, where we should be in the 70's, getting ready for "winter" where it only get's 50 degrees, probably not even that low, lol.

oh my gosh, well you should totally help me with some homework if you like puzzles/riddles... (;

I like to think I am bold, but when it comes down to it i'm just now. I keep thinking "If this happens again i'm totally going to to X thing" and then when it does happen, I just balk and try my best to just endure it.. I do sometimes get bold thinking I will finally stand up for something or against something and it almost always ends up in me getting yelled at and "put in my place" so I always feel like my opinions are not valid and that what I wan't wont happen if it might be somewhat inconvenient for someone else, though if something someone else wants is inconvenient to me, even if its a great deal, they will say something like "Well, Ash, we gotta be able to live...."... It's so frustrating. Even those boys seem to get higher priority than me, and I am not okay with it...

Oh wow. Yeah that sounds like Texas. Summer is almost constant high 90s or breached 100s and at night (like 2 in the morning) it still doesn't go down below 70. It sucks severely. I think winter is also like what you described too, I think 40s-50s is the lowest it typically gets. IF you see snow, it usually doesn't last past noon.

I'm looking forward to actually seeing snow up here. I really like colder weather a lot more, it doesn't make me feel sick or sluggish like hot weather does.

And sure! I can give a crack at whatever it is. I do like puzzles and riddles. No guarantee I'll be any good at them or be of any help, but I can try. =)

I would talk with your family about that. Maybe all sit down, have dinner, and just bring up the fact that you don't appreciate how you've been treated lately and how you would like to be later on. Sometimes people aren't very good at reading people, and that's why you have to have a voice for yourself, and stand up for yourself. Again, I would keep this calm and polite, but if they refuse to listen to you, I'd go off, lol.

I live in a suburb of Phoenix, about an hour out. Up north we get snow, but that's about a 2-3 hour trip. In the suburbs though, I remember maybe like 8 years ago it snowed so very lightly that it only lasted a few minutes, but just seeing the snow come from the sky seemed impossible since i pretty much live in hell.

cold weather is my lifeeeee. my dream weather is cloudy, having the sun hidden away, and maybe some rain, but not too much. i've lived here, way too long, lol. i'm originally from illinois, but moved to arizona when i was around 6-7 so not really a lot of memories.

and okay, awesome! i'm gonna comment you, just because i have to explain it!

I've already tried talking about it really. It really makes no difference. Even when it seems there might be progress, it stays exactly where it is.

oooh i see. Yeah I've heard Phoenix can be one of the worst as far as hot weather. That just sounds ugggh.

And yes I agree! My favorite weather is overcast and/or rainy. <3