I've had terrible depression my entire life. I'm not exaggerating, when I was a young child I struggled with it and I even had a really terrible mental breakdown when I was 8 that nearly ended extremely terribly. I know what it stems from, but it's not something I'm comfortable saying here, or really to anyone I don't know well. Anyways, I can't take depression meds. I was on them for half a year and I almost died from serotonin syndrome, so that's off my list. I'm seeing a naturopath but it's not really helping and all the 'natural remedies' aren't doing anything. Therapists just make me extremely uncomfortable and make me feel worse because I end up remembering terrible things, and I have pretty bad autism/social anxiety so they just end up being absolutely awful.

I'm so lonely, I feel like my boyfriend is losing interest with me and my friends are always busy with each other, way too busy for me.

I guess what I'm trying to ask is, I need solutions. I don't know what to do. I feel ready to step in front of a bus but I'm afraid to tell anyone because one more trip to the hospital will mean me going to the mental ward, and the one near where I live is...horrific, to say the least. I need help before I do something stupid.

I also have lyme disease, so I'm constantly lethargic, tired, and sick. I have no idea where to even start treating that. I don't remember what being happy feels like. I try so hard to be kind and happy so that people don't leave me, but it never works, I don't understand what's wrong with me. I'm a genuinely nice person, I'm never rude on purpose and I help people out almost daily. But I feel so isolated.

I just need help.

Please, call a suicide hotline. Someone qualified will try to understand what's going on and it's a safe way to vent and talk. Talking isn't much to a lot of people, but just knowing that you're not alone is good. Stay safe.

I'd suggest seeing a social worker IF YOU want to. I tend to not keep in touch with therapist and psychologist. I prefer their way of making you grown and creating your own empowerment.

I'm terrified of phone calls, but if it'll help, I guess I'll consider it.. Thank you.

Some of them have instant message or even texting c:!

Hi! Do you live in the US? Please don't be afraid to text START to 741-741. That is a texting hotline where you'll be able to talk with a counselor. <3

I had no idea. I'll try that, thank you! I don't live in the US, but I appreciate the thought.

you should be able to look up a list of hotlines in your country and you may find non-phone call ones. best of luck <3