backstory: a year ago i sat with a friend at out campus dining hall, where this guy that she was a SI (basically teaching assistant) for just sort of sat down with us. I didn't think much of it, but I could tell she wasn't happy about it. He lacked basic social skills (literally yelled everything he said which is a huge pet peeve of mine), and asked a bunch of really invasive questions when I made a joke about my being a lesbian. Not like homophobic stuff just the typical ignorant things straight people say when they haven't been exposed to many queer people. Annoying but whatever. Afterward my friend spilled that he'd been trying to befriend her for a while (more like was under the impression that they were best friends because she tutored him) Again whatever, he's socially awkward but harmless. Thing is after that encounter he directs his attention on me, and tries to talk to me literally EVERY time he sees me. I live on a very small campus (you can walk the whole thing in an hour or less). He keeps on and on asking about my sexuality, and its basically gone from innocent to just plain rude. Like I could tell he really didn't mean any harm but it pissed me off and I simply didn't care for the guy. So I started ignoring him completely if I ever saw him, no eye contact, no verbal communication, just walk by and refuse to answer. I figured he'd take a hint and stop bothering me after that, but when he got to realizing that I wasn't interested in being friends, but instead he just switched his behavior around me. Every time he catches sight of me he stares until I'm out of sight, and if I walk passed him he'll yell "hey i know you hate me but" and then whatevers after that I don't even know I refuse to pay attention. This went on for MONTHS and eventually he walked up to me when I was eating by myself towards the end of spring semester and started asking (again) why i didn't want to speak to him. I told him I just wasn't interested and he kept asking why and I mean I don't want to say "I just don't find you pleasant company" cause I don't want to be rude but he just kept asking and like after five minutes finally walked away. I figured that'd finally be the end of it. but now its fall semester again and even though its only been a week he's literally stopped and stared at me every time he's seen me, is right back to yelling out asking why i don't like him. i tried ignoring him but basically it cumulated last night at dinner. i was with a few friends and he approached me again. same speech of "ill leave you alone but i want to know why you're not interested" same refusal to leave even after i tell him to. only difference is one guy at the table did take over for me to make him leave which I'm super grateful because I'm so stressed by this guys presence now that i could barely even speak. i ended up screaming at him to fuck off and leave me alone but i know he's going to keep continuing and i don't no what to do about it. after he left i had a huge anxiety attack because all the stress from him just flooded in. i know well enough that he's not going to leave me alone. I'm on a super small campus so theres no avoiding him but i just want him to stop staring at me and trying to talk to me. one of the reasons i take it so bad is that I've had a history with being stalked in the past. i know thats not this guys intentions but the behavior matches so i still get stressed all the same. any advice on how to make him stop?

i empathize with you a lot on this one, i have had quite similar experiences at my college

people like this wont take a hint and even if you do speak up he could either a) ignore it because he thinks he deserves your attention and you're playing hard to get or something or b) blow up at you because he thinks youre being unreasonable. honestly i think the best thing is to try and be around other people who will tell him off for you, because if he's told to back down by other people he's more likely to be embarrassed and not angry? especially if the friends youre around are physically imposing

i know you don't want to hurt this guy's feelings but it's not fair to you, you know? its really hard to balance wanting to be friendly to everyone, especially people who might just want to be friends, with your own well being. sometimes people are just very unpleasant to be around, rude, or push too many boundaries. part of it might be social awkwardness but i feel like theres a difference between "person who is awkward but harmless" and "person who doesn't give a crap about harassment".

I really sympathize with you in this situation. I haven't experienced this situation to this degree, but similar ones.

At first he seemed awkward but harmless, totally understandable. After a while he seemed...mentally handicapped? I don't know (declaimer: that's what it seemed like to me but I don't have much experience with people that are handicapped in that way so I don't mean to offend). But the way he's treating you now? That is unacceptable douchebag harassment and intimidation garbage.

I know you don't want to be mean to the guy, but you've been nice up until now and it's gotten you nowhere. It's time to stand up for yourself. Not scream and freak out because honestly that's probably entertaining him. I know it sounds really hard and uncomfortable but I think because you aren't friends with him and he's terrorized you for this long it'll be easy. You 100% have permission to be mean (aka defend yourself) to him. Like what said, he has pushed the boundaries and crossed the line and that voice in your head that says "I don't want to be mean" doesn't mean shit anymore, it's not fair to you and you need to deal with this for your own wellbeing and sanity.

If he approaches you again and pulls the same "waah why do you hate me" bullshit, first of all ignore him, but if he presses, then don't freak out. Say something like: "You are extremely unpleasant, you are rude, invasive, not good company, and annoying. I do not like you. I don't want you to approach or speak or look at me ever again. If you so much as breathe in my direction I will go to the police/campus security/the dean/etc. and I mean it. Stay the fuck away from me." Say it in a confident and menacing tone. You mean fucking business. And if he does speak to you ever again after that, IMMEDIATELY change direction and make a B-line to the police/wherever. Or take your cellphone out and call security and speak to them right in front of his fucking face. Keep eye contact with him the entire time. Get ANGRY. Make that the LAST time he gets off on harassing you.

Also like what said, always try to hang out with other people/friends that will back you up. This will especially be helpful afterwards when you might be kinda paranoid for a little while after you confront him.

It's bullshit that you have to put up with this and I feel bad for you because I know a fraction of how this situation feels so I can't imagine the stress you must be under. I went to college with a super small campus too so I know how terrifying it is knowing you could see that person any second so you don't even want to walk to class. I wish you the best of luck.

Thanks both for your responses. It really does mean a lot to even have all this read. The guy had approached me again just a day or two after my posting this, trying to show me something on his phone like text? I didn't read it, told him to fuck off and he did, but I decided to report him after class for harassment. Campus security told me I had a case and let me write a statement and so they're investigating that now. I don't know if they've gotten his statement yet or what, but I'm paranoid to think he might have and is trying to work his way around it or something? The gist I gave was that I wanted him to no longer talk to me or stare at me. I had mentioned I don't care if he knows similar people, I just didn't want him getting in my way. Not sure what of that they shared with him (if any of those finer details) but I've noticed the past two days he's been hovering around the area I eat (small campus so coincidence?) and today, tried joining in on a conversation I was having with my friends at lunch. Talking to them, not me specifically, but it just made me feel disgusted? Like I don't know if he's trying to just work around what I said or what but like… he's still putting himself in my space. I've gotten terribly paranoid from all of it. He's obsessed with me for whatever reason, and I know its not all just happening to be in the same place at the same time because he is doing that stuff I mentioned above. I almost want to go to security again but I think I might wait a bit to see if that behavior persists (cause again, could just be coincidence). But I just keep getting these horrible spells of anxiety from it. Again, thank you so much for reading and offering your own thoughts. It really does help to know some people get this.

It would be better for his own good to stop approach you.

Life is too short if people to make their self too much dependent from each other. It is his own problem not yours. He just harms himself.

Edit: First I interpret your topic he wants your love or friendship, but I have read your topic again and translate it in Dutch.

I'm not sure he's innocent and I'm also not sure he is really clumsy in his social skills. It could be he doesn't care about you personal, but he uses you to try to be cool by his friends. I've known that kind of boys on school and at the sport club. That kind of boys see noting in girls. They just try to be cool nothing more.

That's not clumsy, but nasty.

Otherwise he could have indeed innocent but just with annoying intentions.

I think it was good to report this anyway.