Hollows isn't by any stretch of the imagination finished... he needs a decent profile, a non-placeholder minion.... to be the Experiment species I want him to be...

But I was bitten by the writing bug again and wrote his story.

Ignore the part about 'Goal'; that's just a mental note to myself to keep zapping until I get what I want, and to maybe get a potion.

Apologies if I should have put this in the Writing forum. I just figured that since it was pet-specific, it'd be better off here. Hollows

I love the story - Excellent format and tone. :3 Don't change a thing! I think it'll work really well with the pet once you get the zap you're looking for. ... Have you considered for the minion? Just the name seemed worth mentioning to me.

I really love this (especially the cicada-clicking)--it hit exactly the right eery note for me. The only thing that stood out blatantly from a stylistic point of view were the recurrent ellipses before describing his abilities. It only happens a few times but, because his story is so short, it came across repetitive to me.

"has... to put it lightly, exceeded expectations" "capability to... break itself down" "ability to... cloak itself"

I like this idea so much and exp. is one of my favourite experiments. I can't wait to see him finished!!

Thank you! I hadn't considered a Spyte for the minion, but I'll definitely keep it in mind. :D

Thanks! I honestly hadn't noticed that I did that when writing the story; I'm going to blame it on having written it when it was 2am PST. My brain gets a little fried after midnight, but I just had to write before I lost the idea. I'll definitely fix it up. I feel the first ellipses is fine as-is, the rest are definitely a bit much.

I love it! My only suggestions are for formatting the story and some minor grammar fixes. I was taught that punctuation always goes inside the quotes: aka 'Project Beast,' not 'Project Beast',

Mind if a play with it a bit and make tiny changes?

Log Date: 20140606

My name is Greg Rastin, I'm the head of Torchlight Technologies' Research and Development sector. Today we begin work on 'Project Beast,' contracted by the US government, Department of Defense. This is going to be the most intensive project that Torchlight Technologies has ever undertaken.

The DoD doesn't want us fiddling around with small animals, they say they want results. They've obtained a jaguar for our testing purposes. We've dubbed it Subject H for the time being.

Log Date: 20141008

Subject 'H' has... to put it lightly, exceeded expectations.

Abilities uncovered through experimentation include the capability to break itself down into pieces. Subject H can pass through small orifices, such as keyholes, in this manner, then reassemble itself at will. H has also been observed passing through solid objects as though they were thin air. Experimentation has left the subject completely blind, though this does not seem to cause distress.

Log Date: 20141208

Subject H has exhibited unusual amounts of agility and strength. It also does not appear to sleep; activity levels remain constant. Subject has also appeared to compensate for its blindness by developing a type of echolocation, manifested by a constant clicking noise. The noise grows louder when any member of our research team approaches the subject.

My team members compare it to cicadas. It's almost maddening. The clicking never stops. We can hear it clear across the compound. I've taken to wearing earplugs, but that does little to dampen the noise. It's in our heads.

Log Date: 20150205

The research team discovered a large pile of fur today. Subject H, previously a golden jaguar, shed its fur completely. As well as its skin. Now the poor creature looks like a flayed monstrosity. Its flesh is a sickly purple-black color.

Log Date: 20150210

Perkins' funeral was yesterday. As far as any civilian - including his wife - knows, his death was an accident involving a thresher in the Agricultural Research Department. But as the head of Project Beast, I feel the need to tell the truth. Subject H is beyond our control.

In addition to the abilities described in previous logs, Subject H has developed the ability to cloak itself. To turn itself invisible. While cloaked, the clicking noise - the echolocation - stops. Heat signatures have completely disappeared as well.

I've called for a complete lock-down of the Torchlight Technologies compound. I'm not sure if that's even necessary, given the creature's ability to pass through solid objects, and disassemble itself. For all we know, it's already escaped. God help us all if it's escaped.

, a HUGE thank you for the input! Since I grew up reading British authors, where the comma-inside-quotes seems to be to taste, I'd never really given any thought to whether or not that's actually correct. According to most grammar sites, putting commas within the quotes every time seems to be an American thing. I was born and raised in California, but never corrected on it. Which makes me wonder if anyone ever caught it, or just figured it was a stylistic choice. o_o

I'll make that change. It makes sense to do so, since the logs are being written by an American researcher. Breaking the entries up the way you did also looks a bit nicer, so that'll be something I'll likely do as well. :)

You're welcome! You know, I've been noticing a lot of people making that mistake and I just figured it was part of the crappy internet need for Spelling/Grammar police but I never considered it could be just an American thing. I was born and raised in California too (Moved to Oregon three months ago), with English as my favorite subject... It never occurred to me it might be different for other countries. It's just the way I always saw it in books I read. shrug

quickanddirtytips.com/education/grammar/how-to-use-quotation-marks This should give you some history on comma placement.

Really like the story! Kind of got freaked out though since Experiment 84-B is the title for some Slenderman creepypasta, but was ultimately pleased you did something else, haha. I feel like a few of the logs need a bit more filling out with details/going-ons within the lab. However, if you'd rather keep it more simple, it's really good as it is. (:

Ooooh, that's one of the sites that came up when I looked into the comma issue! And really? I don't care much for Slenderman stuff (it bores me, really), so that's an amusing coincidence.

The other day, I was actually thinking of either expanding on the logs, or adding a prologue or epilogue... but I'm not sure if that would "cheapen" what I already have. I'll probably hit LibreOffice and see what happens. If I don't like how it goes with what already exists, I just won't include it. Torchlight Technologies is part of a bigger thing (a novel I was trying to write, once-upon-a-time) that I'm now trying to incorporate with some of my pets/characters here on Subeta.

...I guess Hollows would be considered the final chapter, in that case. Heh.