Its recent so I dont expect it to be instant. But my boyfriend just passed away from cancer. I am not handling it well. I know I need to grieve but how can I do that and be there for his mom at the same time? Like im losing my mind right now and cant even imagine how hard it is for her. I cant keep my shit together for more then 5 minutes and I want to be there to comfort her but I cant. Im so scared for her cause shes 71 and has heart problems.

Oh god that's rough. You are going through a really, really hard thing right now. The best advice I can give you is to remember to be gentle and patient with yourself as you grieve. I know it feels like you can't keep your crap together for 5 minutes, that you can't be there for his mother as much as you should. The truth is that you are doing your best, and that's all anyone can ask of you.

I don't know very much about your relationship with his mother. But, I hope that you can be honest with her. There is no need to pretend to be stronger than you feel. I know that often, when we go to comfort somebody, we end up saying something like "It's okay." But right now, it's okay for you both to not be okay. She should not expect you to be okay for her - and you don't need to expect that of yourself either. What you can provide for her (and her for you) right now is empathy, care and companionship.

It's really important to be kind to yourself right now. You might find yourself breaking down a lot - But you must forgive yourself, because you're coping with something incredibly, unimaginably difficult. Try to consciously notice all of the little victories you have each day - even if it's that you managed to do the laundry, or take a shower - whenever you manage to do something that's hard to do, notice it as a sign of your inner strength.

I am wishing you the best.

It's never easy to lose half your heart. As the friend of someone who lost her boyfriend unexpectedly, I can tell you that you and mum are most likely in need of each other. As you've stated, you're already concerned for her. Anything will help her heal, even if you are just taking time to check in and making genuine inclusion. Death is an isolating thing and while sometimes we need time to process it alone, it's so much healthier to share sorrows with someone else going through the same thing. However if you're not available all the time, don't force yourself to take that many steps. I think acceptance for yourself is the first thing accomplished in grief before reaching out to others, unless family/loved ones/etc. is what you need to get through the early stages. Talk to mum. Explain what you're going through if you can.

Please, also remember to take care of yourself. Take care of yourselves together even, if possible. It could be a healthier way to cope. The best thing you can do is: just take each day as it comes and do the best you can with it. Out of loss, no one asks anything of you, or to heal all wounds...you are going through something extremely difficult, and you should tread it naturally, and with steadfast empathy...not only for others around you, but for you.

I can't imagine what you are experiencing right now. My heart goes out to (and my prayers are with) all three of you.

This hit pretty close to home. I recently lost some dear people in my life, too. It's been a little longer for me than it has you but I'm still grieving, and trying to hold my mom together, too. Or well, more accurately, doing what I can to help her out. And really, that's all you can do. You're doing the best you can.

My mom told me something that actually might help you out. She said, "I don't need you to be strong for me. What I need is for you to be there for me, even if you're crying your eyes out, too." And maybe that's the same for his mom. I'm really really sorry for your loss.

I am truly sorry for both of your losses. Be there for one another