I was seriously thinking to get a tattoo over a surgery scar (right next to my armpit on my chest - so a rather "invisible" one). The scar represents a pretty bad time in my life (I've had Hodgkin's - Lymphoma cancer) and I thought that if I got a tattoo I can have a beautiful piece of art there instead. I've been thinking about this for 5 months now and I think that I'm sure enough that I want to go through with it. It's not like I decided this on a whim and I almost know what I'd want (probably a tattoo of my cat with a feminine touch to it like flowers perhaps)

The problem is my boyfriend being vague and not speaking his mind. We've been together for almost 9 years now so I value and respect his thoughts about "serious" things I need to do (even buying a new phone, computer, switching banks, ...). He doesn't need to tell me what to do, I just appreciate and value his thoughts about things that I feel I need to council him about. I have asked him about the tattoo about 3-4 times now, what he thinks about tattoos and how he'd feel about me getting one.

His answers are vague, never the same or he just tries to avoid/ignore the topic altogether. He usually isn't someone to ignore a "problem" so it goes away on its on. I'm at a loss to what to do with this, since I don't want to put him off by getting a tattoo if he's against it, but I don't even know why he would be against me getting one at all.

Some vague answers I've gotten:

• What when you're old? It'll be wrinkled and ugly
• I'm not fond of them, but I don't really have a reason to not be
• Tattoos seem like a rebel and biker thing to me, and you don't strike me as either of those. I never saw this in you
• "Well" (Whenever I'd say or ask about the tattoo he'd always say well..... which doesn't really mean anything to me)

I don't really care about the "what if you're old" card because when (IF) I'll get old, the last thing I'm worried about is the tattoo I have, probably. So I need some advice on how to deal with this. I know talking is the best solution, but he doesn't talk back to me at all even when I ask very direct questions or very subtle indirect ones, neither work at all.

So: any advice for me?

(we're both 26, in case anyone was wondering or if this is relevant at all)

I wouldn't get a tattoo of your cat. What happens if your cat dies?

I'd get something that's not personal, which will still be an expression of art. Like, you can get flowers there.

There are many people who get a tattoo of their pet animal and many tattoo artists recommend only against getting a tattoo of a non-blood related person (as in boyfriend's name etc) or something you'd regret later on. I don't think I'd ever regret getting a beautiful tattoo of an animal with flowers around it.

What happens if my cat dies is that I'll have a really great memory of my best buddy as well together with it. I'm not doing this to get "art" on my body, I'm doing this to replace a bad memory with a good one (+ my scarring healed pretty clean but wide, so I got a pretty big ugly scar at the moment) and since I love animals (more specifically felines), a tattoo of my cat or based on my cat seems like a great idea. Something like this: tattoo1 or tattoo2 seemed like really great feminine tattoos, for which I could use my own cat as a reference for the artist.

I'm not ungrateful for your advice but what I'm getting a tattoo of isn't really the issue to me. I haven't talked what I'd get specifically through with my boyfriend yet, except that I want it to be of an animal and feminine like an animal portrait with flowers around it. When I discussed what I'd possibly get with him, it seemed like he thought it was a good idea for a tattoo, but he didn't confirm or deny it, except when I said: "A Dragon or Hydra would be a bit too extreme" he agreed on.

The best advice I've got for you is "Your body, your choice." If you think that this tattoo is something that you want, something that will make you feel good, something you will be happy about, then go for it, regardless of what your boyfriend thinks (especially if he's being noncommittal about it). Your body, your choice.

As someone who has an animal tattoo myself, your tattoo idea sounds gorgeous, and I really think your first tattoo should be something personal, and have meaning. It makes it more special and you're much less likely to regret anything (which you hopefully won't in the first place!) I would really try not to worry about your boyfriend's opinion too much -- it's not his body, it's yours. I know quite a few people who have been hesitant about someone else getting a tattoo and then they actually see it and end up really liking it.

I mean, it's not like you're getting 'fuck' tattooed on your forehead, haha!

The content of your tattoo seems fine to me and wasn't even on the table in the first place, so I dunno why people are goin' after it. It's not what I'd get, but I'm not you! And you're not me and probably wouldn't want the ones I already have and am going to get later. That's the beauty of tattoos! They're very personal. (Just don't get the pitfall flash art like anchors, infinity symbols, dreamcatchers, etc. THE ONLY PLACE I DRAW THE LINE WITH TATTOO ADVICE.)

As far as your boyfriend goes, it's really nice you're taking him into consideration. I've done the same with my girlfriend, where I discuss my tattoo ideas and locations with her and let her voice her thoughts. She's not a fan of bodymodding in general, but she knows that what I'm getting is very, very important and meaningful to me and she respects that. (We've also had some agreements and compromises along the way in terms of placement and sizes, but overall, she lets me do what I will with my skin.)

But it sounds like he's got a lot of really basic assumptions and biases against people who get tattoos. Ink isn't just for certain types of people; it's for everyone for their self-expression and decoration! I think he's just stuck on the idea that only "tough" and "trashy" people get tats and doesn't realize how it can be a really therapeutic experience for the one getting it. Your reason is above and beyond beautiful and I personally love the purpose and placement for it.

I feel like this is just one of those situations where you should just go for it and he'll learn to adjust. He's uncomfortable with the idea of anyone with a tattoo for flimsy reasons or because he's never thought terribly hard (or had to at all) about why anyone would get one in the first place. He might mope or be shocked for a time, but I think he'll survive and learn to appreciate it when he sees how happy it makes you.

Thanks so much to the anonymous person who sent me a gift! ;__; hugs tight You really made my day! ❤

Thank you, I'll keep that in mind.

Ohh, what animal do you have a tattoo of, if I may ask? Thanks for your advice! I know I'm not getting something stupid tattood, but I'm still a bit hesitant. I was thinking of maybe painting a rough one on me with make-up but I'm not that great with make-up to make something great out of that, haha. I think I'm going to ask a tattoo artist I'd want to go to if they could print or make me a rough stencil up front so I can make my boyfriend more comfortable with it? I dunno... Perhaps even photoshop a photo of me with a tattoo could work c:

Thanks for the advice! Yeah getting a "trendy" tattoo seems pointless, since it doesn't really have any meaning (unless one would really want a dreamcatcher because they love them, I guess). I think that when things calm down a bit (we're both looking for new work - we still have a job but not really great ones) that I'm going to talk to him about it again and probably mention that I'm going for it anyway but that I'd want him to agree with me to an extent on what to get. Or perhaps do what I mentioned to Imperial and try to get a preview of it "on me". I'm sure that you're absolutely right on how he'll be happy when he sees that I'm happy. I agree that his assumptions may be biased (his mother seems pretty conservative on the subject too, so he might get it from her) so I think I should get that assumption out of the way somehow...

I've got my cat's paw print with her name above it on my wrist (I got it after she passed away in November 2014), and then I'm in the process of finishing a larger carousel horse on the back of my calf. I've also got a phoenix feather on the forearm opposite my cat's paw, which isn't really an animal itself, but it's from an animal technically, so I suppose it counts too, haha!

Yeah, and that's understandable. I know there are places to get temporary tattoos, and I feel like I saw a couple of tutorials on how to do them on Pinterest maybe...? Either way, I'm sure if you look up how to do one it'll work for you. :D Like I said before, getting something meaningful and personal always helps, especially when it's your first tattoo.

It's your body and your choice so don't ask others but only yourself if you really want that tattoo.

Your body, your choice. He shouldn't have a say in really what you should do to your body unless you are harming yourself. He doesn't control you - nor is he your third parent. If he is unhappy with your tattoo choices, then talk it out and explain. If he still can't understand, try to see the underlying issue and recognize this as more than just trying to stop you from getting a tattoo - its controlling behavior. Best of luck and get whatever you want.

My advice is have a pretend tattoo for about a month, and wear it around. See how much you like it. You can make one like this -

--> http://www.wikihow.com/Create-a-Sharpie-Tattoo

I agree with everyone on here saying, 'Your body your decision'.

You have thought it through, and obviously came up with the idea for a reason, so it means something special to you.

To him, I would just say. 'You are stereotyping, see this as a part of me, and not the symbolism you always saw it as.'

You know?

I feel for you and what you had to endure. If this lifts your spirits about it, feel at peace with doing so. Hope you enjoy the experience and I am sure you will cherish it for years to come. <3

And this is all coming from someone who has never gotten a tattoo herself! x)

Oh those tattoos sound pretty cool though ^^

Alright, thanks for the advice!

Yeah I tried asking him about why he doesn't like them but he didn't really give a proper answer... I did talk to him recently that I really wanted one and he seemed to have made peace with the fact that I really want one and that I want to talk over with him what I want for a tattoo, but I'm going to leave it to rest till we're both settled at our new jobs (a month or so). Thanks for the advice and the sharpie tutorial! Might try it out, even though I'm not too fond of sharpies D:

Yeah I totally see what you mean! Thanks a lot for the advice and kind words <3

Echoing your body, your choice. First off, what happens when you're old? It gets old and wrinkly just like the rest of you. Second, it's definitely not a biker thing. I'm a tiny little asian girl, work as an engineer, and I've got half my back inked. You could show him some articles online where breast cancer survivors who had mastectomies decided to not get reconstructive surgery, but just got tattoos over their scars instead. It's absolutely beautiful.

Of course! I hope you make the best decision that is right for YOU. You can always sMail me to vent/chat ~ ❤️

all you gotta know is your body is YOUR BODY. do your research on a well seasoned, respectable artist and do what you want.

Personally, I think that your decision to get a tattoo is an amazing idea. Your reasoning alone, to replace a bad memory with a good one, should be enough. Your boyfriend should understand that this would mean a lot to you. Your body is beautiful and you deserve to adorn it with more beautiful things, you know? Whether tattoos hold connotations to your boyfriend or not, the fact is that they're just pretty pictures on your skin. They are art. If this is unusual behaviour for him, there may be another reason that he is avoiding giving you a straight answer. Perhaps it makes him uncomfortable or perhaps he knows that he probably doesn't have a say in it. Either way, I think that you should 100% go through with it and I wish you all the best.

Everyone else beat me to it, but I agree -- this seems very important to you, and if it really is, your boyfriend will understand. Especially as it relates to a struggle with your health... that kind of experience is deeply, deeply personal, and only you can truly know how you feel about it, and how you want to cope, and heal, and move on from it. Maybe he'll even grow to change his opinions about tattoos because of this! Who knows, it could be a positive thing for both of you. ^^ (Also - I don't know if you have the ability to download apps, but there is an app called Inkhunter that lets you "preview" a tattoo on yourself. It's really fun and helpful, I highly recommend it!)

And, to follow up what said - my cat has been dead for four years and I still want a tattoo of her. I'm hoping I can finally get it this year; not having it makes me feel incomplete. I miss her every day. She was my best friend, my forever friend, and a beautiful, sweet soul. Yes it makes me incredibly sad that she's gone, but to have a beautiful piece of art commemorating the life she lived, during which time she brought so much happiness, comfort, and love into my life... she was a part of my family! Why would anyone regret commemorating that just because she's gone now? Nothing lasts forever. But to be able to carry that around with me for the rest of my time here, even though she can't be here with me for all of it, is deeply soothing. I can't just be sad when I think about the fact that she's gone now. She spent 17 years as my loyal companion. To only feel sadness about it now would be an insult to her memory.

So, coming from that sort of perspective, on top of this being a part of your healing process for something that you fought for so hard, and survived... that's awesome!! That is SO incredibly powerful!!! That is arguably some of the most powerful art that can exist. Reclaiming your own body after (or while) experiencing a devastating illness is very hard, but so important, and if this can help you do that, I think it's great.

As someone who has four tattoos, I have a bit of experience here. :)

"- What when you're old? It'll be wrinkled and ugly"

I've seen pictures on Tumblr of elderly men and women with their tattoos. They still look awesome. They are not "wrinkled and ugly." Wrinkled, sure, but definitely not ugly. There is something beautiful about artwork growing and aging with you.

"- I'm not fond of them, but I don't really have a reason to not be"

That's fine. He doesn't have to get any. This is for you.

"- Tattoos seem like a rebel and biker thing to me, and you don't strike me as either of those. I never saw this in you"

People from all different walks of life get tattoos. They are by no means "rebel and biker" things. Mothers, doctors, artists, etc, get tattoos. The "rebel and biker" trope is a stereotype. I think your boyfriend would be surprised how many different types of people get tattoos.

"- "Well" (Whenever I'd say or ask about the tattoo he'd always say well..... which doesn't really mean anything to me)"

If he can't elaborate on his point beyond that, I don't know how well you can communicate with him about this. But what it boils down to is that this is something important to you, and hopefully he can understand that and support you with it.

I have five tattoos myself. They're so addicting, so be careful! :)

Anyways, MY tattoo artist is really cool about drawing something up and then doing the actual tattoo at a later time. I don't see why any other artist would have that problem. I think they'd just consider that a consultation, and that's free, and free is good! Not that you care about that, lol. Real talk, though, I think if you settle on something that you want, (or don't, the artist will help you if you've just got vague ideas like I always do) and they can print it out, you can take it back to your boyfriend and show him. He can give his opinions on it! They might be what you like, but you never know... if he comes around, he could give you some pretty good ideas.

I totally agree with you on replacing a bad memory with a good one. Absolutely, 100%. That in itself is why I say just get it done, whether or not he likes it. Your body, not his.

Assuming those are the questions he asked, I'm hearing a very strong "no" from your boyfriend. It sounds like he really doesn't like tattoos and even looks down on them as trashy.

If that helps any.