Hey all,

I'd like your input on the above topic. I'm 5"6, 130 pounds and female - and I know that this falls within the healthy range using the BMI scale. I'm quite active and on most days I meet and exceed my daily goal of walking 10,000 steps, and go to the gym (physical gym, not Pokemon gym smirk) around 2-3 times a week.

The thing is, I wasn't always my current size. From a kid until I was 17 I was quite the Snorlax (veeery chubby), and I lost the weight in my year 12 (or final year of secondary school) after being determined to make a change to my lifestyle. While i've been able to mainly maintain my weight from university until now, I tend to fluctuate a bit and it gets me really down if i've gained a couple of pounds.

As such I tend to feel guilty when I'm not able to fit in my daily exercise, and still have a tendency to keep a tally of caloric intake. While it's one thing to be healthy I feel like i've gone the other extreme where my food choices and my perception of my body are all affected by how much I weigh on the day, or how "fat" I feel. It's not a good thing - while it makes me more aware of my fitness and body it also makes me very critical of myself. I mean, everyone's weight and body will fluctuate a bit and change over time, right? Yet I can't accept this - perhaps i've based too my of my self-worth on this as it was an area that was once got out of control.

My question is: how do I stop myself from falling into this mindset? Do you have any strategies/experience in this area?

I wish I could offer advice on this, but the truth is that I'm having trouble with the same, except that I am overweight and I really do need to lose weight. May I ask how you lost the weight in the first place?

You accomplished this awesome thing and now you're stuck in a rut and feel down about it. That sucks! I kind of know how you feel as I've been dealing with some confidence-crushing weight gain myself.

I think one thing that may help you is reread what you just wrote. REALLY read it. Focus on the positive things: You made a huge lifestyle change and stuck to it You lost a lot of weight and have kept the bulk of it off You're a HEALTHY human-being with NORMAL weight fluctuations You regularly take 10,000 or more steps a day You crave exercise/activity on days when you don't or can't

Those are really impressive and sound like a really health-conscious person who deserves to feel proud of herself!

Calorie counting is a habit that you created and is a habit you can break. It'll take time but you've been eating a certain way for years and could probably comfortably eat the same way without having to focus on numbers. Keep telling yourself that. Calorie counting worked for you when you first started out and that's OK! But it doesn't have a place in your everyday life of it's getting you down or making you miserable/guilty. Some guilt after a cheat meal is OK but when it's making you feel bad about yourself, then it's time to change.

What helped me to battle negative body image when I was in college was getting really into feminism and researching all the ways the media, peers, etc. seeps into your brain and their "you're not good enough" messages slowly break you down. Specifically the documentary Miss Representation REALLY helped me and it changed my life. If that doesn't interest you though then that's OK! Maybe following fun things on Facebook/Instagram will help small messages get into your head and battle those negative thoughts.

In short: Your body is amazing the way it is and its capable of amazing things and you are very healthy. Obsessive over the tiny details is not helping. Surround yourself with positive and motivating messages, environments, and people, and hopefully you'll start feeling better.

P.S. Do you have a Fitbit?

i'm sorry to hear you're having trouble with the same thing! I lost my 30 pounds mostly over 2 months, but the last couple of pounds were shed over a 6 month period. Here's a bit of stuff that I can share:

1. Set yourself goals!: One of the most helpful things I did early on was realistic goal-setting. I read a lot of health related articles that said losing 1-2 pounds a week is healthy and sustainable, so I wasn't too ambitious in losing the weight overnight. Perhaps consider how much weight you'd like to lose, put some timeframes around it, and when you achieve each goal (i.e. 5 pounds, 10 pounds, 20 pounds) -- celebrate!! :) You should be proud of yourself. And if you don't quite achieve it within your proposed timeframe, that's okay too - keep on trying and change things up with your diet or exercise if something's not working.

2. It's 80% diet: Okay not sure how accurate the statistic is, but the truth is that our exercise will go to crud if one's diet is poor. I was quite restrictive with my calorie consumption when I went on my big diet to drop 30 pounds - I was consuming 1200 calories (about 700 daily deficit for someone my body type requires). This was probably the hardest part as I cut out all sweets, soft drinks, fried foods and processed snack foods, and went hard on salads, legumes, lean meat, fish and whole grains. With some determination, food planning and conscious change in food choices though i'm sure you'll get there! There's plenty of good resources out there these days with recipes and a table breakdown of calories, fats, protein, carbs etc. so i'm sure something will tickle your fancy :)

3. Exercise: At the start of my weight loss journey I did 30 mins of cardio everyday and 15 mins of strength every other day. I was aiming to burn 300 calories each session. What I learnt is that I couldn't really spot reduce - I hated my arms most but there was no way I could get skinny arms without overall cardio and strength. With cardio and strength built into my sessions and I noticed over the month that I got leaner and started getting more toned all over - something I hadn't ever seen beneath all those rolls!

With all the above I would consult your doctor first to see what level of activity and diet plan is suitable for someone your build as everyone is different. It will be hard at times and you might want to give up - but health is so important and you'll probably end up feeling a whole lot more confident like I did initially. I hope it goes well and just mail me if you'd like anymore insight! All the best :)

- I'm so sorry to hear that you're also currently dealing with some confidence-crushing weight gain! You really have so much wisdom though and it sounds like you've already got some strategies up your sleeve. Thanks for being vulnerable and sharing your insight and experience.

Thank you for breaking down my post like that - I was focusing on the negatives and completely lost sight of my achievements and the facts. You're exactly right that some guilt after a cheat meal is OK, but calorie counting shouldn't have any place in my everyday life if it's getting me down. I really think it's time to let go of all them numbers knowing that i'll still make wise food decisions and I won't default to my old lifestyle of EATALLTHEFOOODS:D

That's really cool to hear that from your research into feminism that it helped battle negative body image, ! I'll give that documentary a shot when I get the chance. I often find the insta posts quite empowering when i'm stuck in a rut. I might actually start an album on my phone with helpful quotes that I can refer to every time these thoughts creep into my mind so I can smack them down immediately. So sick of feeling this way!

Yes I do have a Fitbit (hence I can track the 10,000 steps haha!). Do you have one? And random question - do you do motivational speaking? I think you have a way of articulating yourself and sharing your experience that is very powerful and would be helpful for young women struggling with the same thing :)

The weight gain is actually pretty minor, but when you're normally 110 and all of a sudden weigh 120, those ten pounds are a lot! But yes, I'm slowly working through it ?

I'm a firm believer in surrounding yourself with positive energy and letting go of the negative. Not to say that you should be in denial or unrealistic or anything, but avoiding things that get you down will make a world of difference. You'll stay motivated and feel better! My favorite Instagram pages (that's what they're called, right? lol) for that are: BodyPositiveUnicorn, Daily Feminist, Mental Health Tips, and GirlsWhoLift. Anything with amazing nature photos (specifically the Pacific Coast Trail or the Appalachian Trail) is very inspiring too, it reminds me that the world is so big and beautiful and my love-handles are not stopping me from exploring it!

Haha I thought you had a Fitbit! I have one too (looove it). The calorie counting option is very useful but since you're in recovery of that habit, GET RID OF IT. There's an option in the settings to not show you in the scroll and also to not show you on the homepage of the app. I have a tendency to get caught-up with numbers so as soon as I was comfortable with estimating how many calories I was consuming, I completely erased it from sight. That way there's no temptation or reminder.

Thank you so much for your kind words! ? I am not a motivational speaker, but I am studying to be a personal trainer with a specialty in fitness nutrition, but I really just like helping people be the best they can be through one-on-one interactions. I like helping people feel better about themselves whether it's through exercise, stress-management, meditation, eating better, body image, etc. I've found that a lot of people want to better themselves but just don't know how or are plagued with misinformation, so if I can help someone who is serious about it (not just have it fall on deaf ears) then it's worth it.