/venting/ So I'm 25 and a little over three months pregnant. I have a wonderful support system. My entire family, my boyfriend's family, and my boyfriend tell me constantly how much they love and support me. My boyfriend is astatic about the baby and has come to every doctor's appointment. I, however, am a mess of emotions.

The depression I struggled with for years and had finally gotten some control over is back. Every day I want to die. I've started cutting my thighs again and have resisted the urge to cut my stomach. I cry every time I'm left alone. I think I want this baby to die yet when I had two miscariage scares I prayed for it to live. Whenever I don't think the child's life is in danger I'm generally indifferent to it. Some days I hate it. I dropped out of college and now I might be put on unpaid medical leave from work because I can no longer lift the required amount of freight. I feel useless. My future seems hopeless. I did not want this baby.

People keep telling me I'll eventually get attached to it and I really hope that happens. Right now though I am not so sure that will happen. I recoil in disgust whenever someone calls me a mom. I've taken my boyfriend's handgun and put it to my head imaginging myself pulling the trigger. I won't get an engagement ring now. I won't get a wedding or a honeymoon. I was fine eloping but now both families want a ceremony and it stresses me out and makes my depression worse. Other family members said I should just move in and not get married. Take the relationship for more thorough test run. I don't want that either. I don't know what I want. I just know I feel like I no longer have a future and I no longer have any dreams. I feel like I'm still a kid that's suddenly being force to be an adult. Instead of flying I'm drowning.

Seeing a therapist/psychiatrist and getting birth/motherhood counselling is very urgent to get. You say things that aren't safe not for you, nor the foetus. I'd suggest going to counseling with your boyfriend and alone. It can be very hard on a woman to accept pregnancy and all the changes that comes with it.

You mention feeling hopeless, useless etc. Is the foetus triggering these feelings? Were you depressed before getting pregnant? Either way, it is not unheard of women having severe depression during their pregnancy.

Be safe. Call 911 or a suicide centre if you need to.

Pregnancy hormones can run you through the ringer hardcore (I can sympathize, I'll be 37 weeks tomorrow). People often talk about post-partum depression, but not many realise that its effects can start long before the baby even arrives - especially in those who have struggled with depression before pregnancy.

Do not feel like you have to struggle alone. You say you have an amazing support system? Utilize it. They are there for you in situations exactly like this because they love you, as well as your child. Lean on them for support, because you shouldn't have to feel like you need to carry this by yourself. They want to help you - you just need to tell them you need it.

Do you have a family doctor or an OB you're seeing? You absolutely need to tell them everything you wrote here, ASAP. Don't wait until your next appointment - pick up the phone and tell them it's urgent (or, if that sounds like too much for you, have someone call on your behalf). You and your baby's life are literally on the line; this absolutely constitutes as an emergency situation.

I've never been pregnant and never will be, but I echo everything the others have said. You need to seek help immediately. Don't wait for an appointment; get seen ASAP. Go to the ER if you must. Tell them what you said here. Tell them your history with depression, your feelings of being trapped, worries your future is gone, the self-harm, suicidal ideations, etc.

Tell your boyfriend to lock up the gun. Do it as soon as you read this. Tell him to put a lock on its case and do not allow you to have the key or combo. You need to do this for your own safety. If he doesn't have a case for it, he needs to get one. It's the most secure way to keep a firearm. Just hiding it from you is NOT enough.

Be honest with your partner. These feelings might just be the hormones wrecking havoc on your thoughts, but if your support network knows how badly you're struggling, they'll surely want to help and keep you safe.

I hope you'll be okay. Let us know you're all right if you can.

I'm sorry for the late reply but I did as ya'll said and I'm now seeing a counselor regularly. It's really helped and even though I may get depressed still I no longer want to harm myself. Thank you for showing care and concern. It made a difference and I'm grateful for your responses.

I am legitimately so glad to hear this. I hope you keep yourself safe and that things get better! You've been in my thoughts and will continue to be.