So lately, my mother has been trying to get me to move back "home". The thing is, I don't know if I want to. We don't really see eye to eye on a lot of things and fought a lot when I was living at her house. As awful as it sounds, I don't miss her at all. There was an entire year where I had no contact with her or my dad and I was just fine. Point is, I'm happy on my own. In fact, one year ago, I would have been 100% ready to disown my parents. I've cooled off since then. I don't hate my mom, anymore. But I also...don't care. And I feel like that is maybe worse. She is like any other person on the street to me. Anyway, recently, I've been hanging with my sister and nephew a lot. They live with my parents so I couldn't avoid seeing my mom again. And well, the few times I visited, my mom has been nice. I don't think I've said more than a few sentences to her though. I don't really know how to talk to her anymore. Talking in the past always led to fights.

Anyway, my sister has been passing messages from my mom to me and she keeps bringing up that she wants me to move back "home". On the last visit to her house, she even directly said it to me. She sounded sad. Maybe she wasn't and I'm just imagining she was sad because I subconsciously want her to be regretful of her past actions? In any case, I just don't know if I want to move back or not.

Depending on culture, at some point, you have to leave the nest, right? But I come from a culture where normally, the eldest child live with their parents in order to take care of them. Kind of like, they took care of you as a child, now you take care of them when they're getting old. In that sense, I feel like I would owe them if I don't move back and help them. Living on my own, I don't really have enough money leftover to help them with bills and stuff. They also do need help around the house. My mom has a thing where her hand is chronically hurting/aching so she can't do heavy chores. My sister is living with them, but I want my sister to eventually live her own life too. She is currently a single mom and a university student she doesn't make enough yet to move out. If I could take care of my sis, I would.

There are some pros to moving back. I could help them around the house and financially. I can save money to pay back my student loans and fix up my car (or get a better car). My dog will have more people to take care of her and a companion to play with (my parents have a dog, too). I can hang out with my nephew more. I always miss that kid like crazy. So it will definitely be financially easier for me. That's a given. And I get to see my sis and nephew. And the family dog.

But...I don't know if I can live with that woman again. It was mentally exhausting for me. She always stressed me out. We argue almost every two days. She wants me to think of that place as my home, but at the same time she always call it "her house" when we get into arguments and want things her way. She doesn't treat my sister and I as adults. When she doesn't get her way, she throws a tantrum and makes a big deal so that my dad will have no choice but back her up. I also don't think I can fit all my stuff into my old room anymore, haha. And although living on my own, I have a lot more financial burdens, I am stress-free. So yeah, I don't know.

I keep trying to decide what's "best" for me, but I honestly don't know. Being able to save money but having to deal with my mom versus having little/no money at the end of the month but no mom to deal with. Should I give my mother another shot at being my mom and try living with her again? Plus, my dad hasn't been that bad other than defending his wife. I feel bad for letting him deal with her alone. Or should I just be free...after all, I've read so many topics here about children wanting to get away from her parents. There was even a point where I was homeless for a bit just so I didn't have to live with her. So Subeta, what would you do?

wow for various reason i felt like we were living the same life for 3 seconds

From what I grasped, your parents would enjoy having you home for various reason (let's not list them again). Both sides would profit from different aspect right? From what I see, you very much can't get along with your mother and it leads to conflict with your own father too. I understand the whole "returning the favours to my parents" because I am in the same situation. I planned to take care of my mother and my youngest brother. Downfall? I realized that I need my vital space.

I feel like you truly value your freedom for various and probably personal reason. Does it makes you feel guilty? Are you ready to be less comfortable around them just for the sake of saving money and helping them out? Do you feel entitled to your mother? These are questions that you need to ask yourself. You'll make sacrifices if you go back home and you need to be alright with this move. Otherwise, you could become really bitter towards your mom and yourself.

Have you ever thought about finding a roomie to ease the money burden a tiny bit? I have no idea if you have friends that could do the job and move in with you, but it's a nice to think about it.

---- Here ends my helpful tips My pov? I'd never go back to calling it "home". I see my father the same way your see your mom, but much more venomous and hateful. I like my mom but it's not perfect either. I still live at home but I suffocate.

I thought about moving in a place where my mom lives on the upper level and I live downstair. We share the money burden, but rarely the same space.

Anyway. If you ever need to talk about it, hit me up.

Having a roommate is an option. The friends that I would feel comfortable living with are living their girlfriends/partners/spouses, already have mates, live at home and don't intend to leave, or are happy on their own. And then there are the friends I'm not sure about, but I wouldn't mind giving up a little comfort and space to save some money. Comfort is a first world problem anyway. And I had to live in a dorm during school so it won't be an adjustment. I was more comfortable with strangers than my own mother...kinda sad. I've never been more than mildly annoyed at my roommates. Can't say the same for my mom. I just gotta see who's cool with having dog hair all over, haha. But yeah, this is an option. Of course, that is if I decide that I don't want to be a "good son". Still gotta figure out what that means for me.

I've already been bitter towards my mom. I've hated and resented her when I was living with her. Then there was disappointment. And now, I'm just at a phase where I just have no emotion towards her. I don't feel guilty towards her. Towards everyone else, yes. But for my mom, I feel nothing other than obligation. My sis just said my mom cries sometimes because she misses me. And I still didn't feel bad or anything. Am I shit? :/

This is so tough because the questions you asked is exactly what I'm trying to figure out. Does my sense of responsibility to taking care of the people who raised me outweigh my own happiness? Is giving them money enough? So far, my only answer to everything is I don't know. Like you, I was suffocating when I lived under her roof. I hated that feeling of drowning and being at my mom's mercy. Living with them, I'm afraid that I will end up hating my mom again. But if I don't, I just might end up hating myself. I don't want to find myself 15 years into the future and regretting that I never took care of my parents. And I just realize that my aunts/uncles will probably give me shit for this too. x_x

The thing is that you will have to think about it and find some kind of answers. Society is very weird when it comes to parents and burden. Some of us may feel entitled to their parents and would give up a lot for them. They would care for them, even if their dreams are put on ice. They probably value their parents a lot and respect them. On the other side tho, there are people who will say that "my parents were the ones that putted me on earth and I never signed up to take care of them. I never desired them because hey, I was born because they decided so". I can see that you believe that not taking care of your mom is something that makes you a "shit son". You have to find why you feel this way. Peharps, deep down, you still value your mom enough to bother about her? I can also see some pers pressure lingering there .. why does their opinion affect you?

These are questions that you may need to think about. It took me a long time to settled down with my own belief when it comes to my father. I ended up realizing that I would never spend a penny for him and that I don't feel entitled to him. My mom? Well, I do fell entitled. I do have respect .. but also a lot of hate. I would always try to compromise. Maybe you could? Is moving an option for them? This way, you would not need to stay in your childhood bedroom and share some much common space.

I don't think you are a "shit son". But if you feel that way, even my words won't change anything.

I don't know, I guess I just feel like shit cause I think I'm suppose to feel bad but I don't. I was raised to believe family need to take care of one another. Many times in the past, my late maternal grandma has told me to take care of my mom. One of my aunt has even said it when she last visited. So I feel like I've lied to them. I don't want to let them down. Family IS important to me so I do care what they think about me. The problem is (other than caring what other family member thinks of me), I don't know if I see my mom as family anymore. But just because she isn't to me, I don't want my uncles and aunts mad at me. I guess, I'm scared they won't understand.

But yeah, you're right, I definitely need to think about things more.