Well, isn't -that- a melodic title?

I've been thinking over whether I should write over here or not, but at the very least, I feel like I need to write what's happening to me. Maybe things will make a little more sense then.

I'm a college student from Argentina--aspiring pharmacist. USA's educational system makes absolutely no sense to me, so I won't bother drawing parallels. All I'll say is, the teachers in my uni are not easy to deal with. They're not afraid of calling you useless, and quite bluntly tell you that, if you're too stupid to study this, you should stop wasting your time and study something else. Just one of the perks of public, free education, I guess.

Since January, I've been studying for a final, while dealing with my over-stressed mom. At one point, she simply refused to eat anymore, started losing weight rapidly, and I had to set everything aside to take care of her. Of course, this took its toll on me, and I stopped eating, too. Sleeping became a lot harder, although I wasn't doing particularly well while I studied. Slowly, she got better, and I took my first chance with the final. It ended...horribly. So I tried again, and I failed again. Every time I brought the bad news home, my mom would berate me for not studying enough, and tell me--much like my teachers--that I should stop trying.

All of this happened while I worked as a secretary for a doctor. This doctor only works with elderly people--Which means I get to face their complaints daily. It's not easy to hate the 80-something, shivering old man in front of you, but you can only stand so many insults in one morning before you decide you simply don't care anymore. Does this make any sense?

Things went on like this until I finally passed that blasted final. For a few days after, I would still feel miserable and cry for no reason, even though I should've been -happy- about passing. Leftover stress, maybe? I'll never know. To make tihngs even better, I don't have many friends IRL. But I value the ones I do have: If they need anything, -anything- at all, I'll pull time out of my ass and scrape pennies together if I have to, but I -will- ask them out to get some coffee. So we can talk, laugh, and they can forget about their worries. That's what friends do, right?

Only that my friends don't. They've stood me up way too many times to count--For my birthday, for casual get-togethers, anything really. And for the most outlandish reasons: Their pet-turtle died, they're "just not feeling up to it"--You can imagine the rest. Should I get new friends? Totally. Do I have the time, between my mom, college and work, to go somewhere else and actually do it? Not really.

And so my life has been going on, until today. I try to pull through daily, with a smile on my face. I've slowly stopped eating, lost a lot of weight, and I feel like I plow through each day like a zombie, not really caring for anything. Nothing gets me "excited" anymore. I get up, go to my classes, study and work dutifully, have lunch/dinner, and then I go to sleep. That's it. I've lost my ability to draw and write the way I liked to, because I can't bring myself to do it while feeling so...apathetic. It wouldn't be fair to my characters, as silly as it sounds.

So yeah.

Sorry for the wall o' text, folks, and, uh, sorry if it seems like I'm just whining. I know a lot of people have it worse than me, but I needed to get this out of my chest.

You, who somehow read all this and found the will to care, thank you very much.

Hey, that sounds rough. I hope that posting this was cathartic for you, and that you'll feel better. I've been there when I was in school plus wandering aimlessly, so I feel you. Good luck!