I'm an introvert and being social causes me to become exhausted and reclusive, even online. I have 1 friend that I can talk to endlessly without feeling that way, and it makes me happy that I can have a friend like that. But I know my friend can't always be there because she might be busy etc, and so in these moments I'm all alone. I get lonely. When I don't have anyone to talk to I think about that very thing a lot. I don't have anyone else. And that makes me sad.

I have some more friends that I don't talk to very often, but I still like them and like talking to them sparsely as I do, but I feel like people get annoyed with me because I don't talk much. It's this way online. I want to talk to people because I get lonely but at the same time, too many people talking to me, and talking extensively, causes me to pretty much shut down and stop replying to conversations (which I know just ending a convo like that is pretty rude but at the same time I just lock up and can't bring myself to reply..) Sometimes I'll start replying a few days later, but sometimes I don't reply to that specific convo ever again- usually because too much time has passed and I feel awkward trying to start it back up.

And then people start to message me repeatedly because they want to carry on with the conversation or have something new to say, but either don't understand or consider that I'm going through this exhaustion. I'm afraid that people will stop being friends / associating with me because I can't keep up and talk with them as much as they'd like. I can't explain to people that they're draining to me, because it just sounds rude even though it's not personal- I like my friends, that's why they're my friends. I don't know what sets apart my best friend from the rest; I don't know why she doesn't drain me; It's not something I can just choose or control. I feel like I won't find another person who I can feel the same way about, extending into the rest of my life, and just being alone with 1 friend who might have less and less time to talk..

Well, that's basically it.. are there any other introverts out there who have gone through the same thing? I don't really know what can be done about this problem. Just looking for some reassuring comments, really. And if any of my friends on here happen to read this, I hope you understand.

edit: And as such... I may not be able to reply to the comments on this thread at first. Hopefully it won't take me too long.

a) As someone who is rather introverted myself, albeit much more social now than I was 5-6 years ago, it helps to just do something yourself. Go to a bookstore, watch a movie alone, do something where you're alone and basically enjoying your own company. I've always found stuff like that relaxing when I actively need to be away from people.

b) Sometimes it really helps to actually get out of your comfort zone. I'm an introvert, and yet, the vast majority of my friends, give or take a couple of best friends from when I was in high school, are extroverts. It's not because I actively chose to be around extroverts; it's just that in general, the people who were willing to approach me and who had no issue with me being the silent one in the conversation, the on-looker tended to be my extrovert friends. I'm not the type to approach people of my own accord to strike up a friendship so it was usually the extroverted friends I have that approached me.

That said, I will almost always tell them right off the bat that my personality in general is pretty introverted. That way, they usually know if I start to shut down in a public situation they have a reason why. It also stops the fact that some people have actively told me that when they first met me, until they started talking to me, they thought I disliked them. Assuming your friends understand your behavior and are good friends, they will understand that sometimes you just need space.

With a lot of my extrovert friends I have told them that at some point I will need space. It's not necessarily that i dislike them, but at some point, with too many people, and too much stimuli I actively start to shut down mentally. My friends have seen me do it at parties where I'll start to mentally shut down and anyone that talks to me will end up getting monosyllabic answers.

I used to tell friends of mine that in general there will be points in time where I won't call or talk to anyone for months, not because I hate any of them or anything I just can't deal with people. This is especially true of holidays because the stimuli of PEOPLE overwhelms me.

Pets have always helped me tremendously. I make sure to get one that'll look at me and make noises back so my brain thinks I'm having a real conversation. Rats, dogs, cats, and birds are all good for this.

Picking up roleplay helps too, especially if you created the character.

Thank you for the advice. We are alike. I have a note on my profile that explains that I'm an introvert and can shut down in conversations, but I don't know if people that I become friends with on here will have read that. I don't think I've ever told anyone that I'm an introvert in real life conversation though... Then again I don't really actively make friends in real life, and the friends I used to have in school I haven't spoken to in a very long time... I've become that much of a recluse. 😔

Thank you for the reply. I have 3 indoor cats and several strays that come to be fed. I've also been roleplaying for 10 years ^^' Mostly with my aforementioned best friend. I've tried with other people, even other longtime friends, but I'm still finding that I shut down and stop replying with them, even if I did really want to RP.

First off dont ever feel bad or rude for not replying constantly to everyone ALL DAY. I do the same thing believe it or not. I let some comments or pings sit there for days before replying. Mostly because idk what to say or I am just kinda tired with the convo for a bit x.x Its just a natural thing. You should be able to talk to whomever and whenever, whenever you like without feeling bad. It dosent hurt my feelings, and im sure others are okay with it as well. I know tons of people who do it! And sometimes I dont feel like replying to them atm and vice versa. If they reply to me like 4 days later I dont mind xD

You are who you are and do not ever feel bad about it. I have a friend on here whom I also talk to all day. You cant choose who you feel comfortable talking to so much and whom you dont. Its all okay.

My words may be scrambled but please know I do know what you mean on some level. And dont ever feel bad!! If you ever feel alone you can always talk to me if no one else! And you can stop at anytime. I promise I will not get my feelings hurt! :* <3

I really had to learn how to be social. My high school friends( the 4-5 that I still talk to and still consider really close, even now, 14 years later) mostly knew me as the really quiet, shy one of the group. I rarely spoke, and when I did it was short bursts of sarcasm.

But I went into college, ( to one that was a good 2 hours away) and didn't end up going to the same college as any of my high school friends so, I was kind of throw into the deep end social wise and pretty much learned to adapt on the fly.

It took years, years of me being the awkward one, of sort of wading awkwardly through social interactions before I was even remotely comfortable with being social. Now, I can be social, I can do small talk, but to get to that level took me until now and I'm 30 currently.

I still end up being the most quietest one of most of my friend interactions and yes, I still shut down in large party situations, but I've learned to be social. It didn't come naturally to me, and it doesn't come naturally to me now, but I'm can be social whereas years and years back, throughout college even though I had a small group of friends, I was very much not a social person.

I will say this though. Having extroverted friends has been a good thing for me because it has forced me out of my comfort zone. A running joke with me and a lot of my friends is that if I didn't have extroverted friends I'd probably be spending the vast majority, if not 24/7 of my time in a hermit cave. They force me to interact with the outside world and yeah, it's uncomfortable as hell at first, but it also allows you to be social. That said, I've been fortunate to have extrovert friends that, for the most part, know when to back off. I can tell them that I'm not up to being social and they'll understand that because I've always been this way with any friends that I've had in the past and now.

You're not broken, if that's your concern. Introverts like us find interaction draining, however enjoyable it may be.

It's like going for a hike. It's pretty, it's healthy, but you can't just hike and hike and hike forever.

You're shutting down after a certain amount of interaction because you've pushed yourself way too far past your limit and literally can't handle any more. If you want to avoid that, I'd suggest pacing yourself instead of pushing yourself to please your friend and burning out. If anyone asks, just say you're busy with other things. It's online; they'll understand.

I see no reason to unfriend somebody if he/she just doesn't talk so much. In real life some of my dearest ones don't say much, but they meant a lot for me because their actions are nice and I feel me fine by their pleasant energy.

I'm right there with you! I know we don't talk entirely TOO much but, just know I will never be irritated with you for disappearing on me/not replying for a long time/never replying because I am the same way! (Let me apologize right now for this long post)

I come here pretty much to run away from how I feel in RL because ignoring is how I cope. And I love to chat randomly here, but sometimes I get overwhelmed and stop talking. Either altogether, or in one group/all but one group/just to whomever I have been holding a long back n forth with, or if there is a long reply needing to be written and I'm freaking out about it. It's frustrating to me and I'm always sure it's frustrating the other people and I feel guilty and stupid, but it's me. I have found quite a few people around here in my main groups and randomly who are surprisingly completely understanding and accepting of me regardless. So far I don't think anyone has gotten upset with me for my lack of social etiquette. If they have, they haven't been straight up with me about it and I've had no idea. It doesn't stop the guilt I put on myself when I have a 'moment' but it does make reconnecting when I'm feeling up to it, SO much easier. It feels great to know my friends here love me, even though I'm crazy. LOL

The worst part, I grew up ENFP! I got along with/was friends with everyone (except the assholes) and I was always the loud obnoxious silly one. People came to me with their problems and I basically played counselor and my energy sort of fed off all the people I helped. At work people described me as too perky to befriend at first, and when comparing everyone to animals I was a hyperactive puppy. I've always been a bit dead inside, but there used to be this thick shell that seemed to build even thicker with social interaction. I don't know when I became so socially awkward and anxiety ridden, but to go from a social butterfly to this state where I sweat like I'm in court just for standing in the grocery line... I don't even know who I am anymore!! D: And now I can barely have a conversation without needing a nap afterwards! XD

Anyways, I may only know you through subeta, but I heart you <3 <3 <3 And I know this type of anxiety is just not logical and you may not be able to convince yourself that it's all okay, but you're always okay with me. +1 to the team that thinks Luck is AWESOME! ^_^

I'm an introvert as well, but it doesn't get better online. Mostly because I get often ignored/overlooked on here and I'm not really welcomed on any social site. I guess I have a better time talking to someone face to face, but when I'm comfortable with someone I talk to much and they start disliking me because of it. But idk then there are people who are obnoxious and much more popular. There's just something about me that makes people dislike me idk why, maybe they misinterpret my social anxiety as dislike towards them. You can't really explain that to strangers, it's just weird. There are often people who simply don't understand it or who don't respect it at all.

Your friend must give you a lot of strength, that's great. I'm sure you'll meet more people like them, don't worry! When I'm not working I usually watch YouTube videos which is a great helper against loneliness I think. Just having someone talk to 'you' is great even if it's just an illusion.

I used to be pretty shy on Subeta and everytime I got a message or comment I felt horrible, but I've kinda overcome it. Now I can handle neutral and postive comments, but if someone singles me out to 'pick' (not really the right word but I can't think of a better one) or just keeps on making me uncomfortable on purpose my heart begins racing like crazy. Maybe it's just a trigger for really bad memories idk. It sucks that people have to be like that. I really used to be extroverted but than I just met more and more people and then I started using the internet...

Though I'd advice every introvert to use the internet for first steps. I think experiences online are easier to work through than the ones in real life. You know, when you screw up a sentence on the internet you won't lie awake for the next 10 years thinking about it. That's just my experience.

I'm an introvert as well. At this point in my life, I have no friends. I have a hard time making and keeping them and I feel that they just drag me down, wanting me to go to social events (parties, bars, ect) and I just like to stay far away from those things. I don't like being the center of attention... I'd much rather sit in the corner of the room and let life wiz past me.

I have come out of my shell a little bit. I've been friendlier to people, but I still don't want friends. I'd rather have online friends to talk to.

I do things on my own sometimes too. It wasn't like that 5 years ago. As I remember... 5 years ago, I wouldn't even sit alone in the shopping center food court to eat.

I do sometimes get a bit lonely, but I find my pets help a lot. I feel very blessed that I have Buddy (my lovebird)and my two dwarf hamsters Toby and Basil.

I hope that you someday overcome your challenges <3

OP, your entire first post is me in a nutshell. I have social anxiety, and am extremely introverted. I constantly feel awkward around everyone, bar one, maybe two people in my life. I always feel as though I am annoying someone, and when someone is silent around me, I get extremely nervous and start talking about just about anything endlessly to fill that silence. Granted, this never really makes me feel any better, and it loops right back to me feeling as though I'm being annoying.

My anxiety affected me at my old grocery store job I worked for 5 years, where I was extremely depressed and struggling with an increasingly difficult relationship with my parents, and it often resulted in me having an anxiety attack every month or so at work. My boss was very supportive of me, and did her best to help make me comfortable and work with me since she had said I was one of the best supervisors she'd ever had work with her, but I couldn't help but feel like a bit of a burden to her and anyone else I worked with.

Now, at my new job, I got hired for the Overnight Shift because my sleep pattern was primarily nocturnal, and it meant I would deal with a much smaller volume of people than I did at the grocery store. I have a supportive staff I worth with, but I do still worry a lot that people hate me there or find me annoying. Things have otherwise improved with my struggles with my introversion, but even the little bit of social interaction I do there drains me. Online isn't much easier, but I can take my time and reply to things when I'm ready, despite it being at the risk that people will have lost interest, but I do what I can to take care of myself and recharge, and most people are generally understanding and accommodating. And anyone who isn't or gets very upset with me over it is certainly not someone I need in my life.

Er, long story short, sorry for ranting with my own background there for three paragraphs, I'm known for being long winded, it's okay to take the time you need to yourself to recharge. I understand that you can get lonely as well, since it's definitely another struggle that I have, but I can echo the suggestions of being around a pet like others have been mentioning. I moved out of my parents' house, and live in a place where I can't have a cat, but when I did have pets around me, things definitely felt better. If you can manage to live with an animal in the house, it really is therapeutic. I also will echo the suggestion of trying your hand at roleplaying since I've been doing that for years and it not only is nice to act like a character that isn't anything like me, but it's also a means of socializing for me without really socializing. I'm able to flex my creative muscle while also interacting with something that isn't quite so static, so to speak.

Anyhow, keep your head up, and take care of yourself! Do what's right for you. <3

<3

I just want to thank you all for taking the time to post here. Your advice, reassurance, and personal anecdotes have definitely made me feel better and not so alone. Each post (that I've now all read a few times each) has made me smile. I'm happy that some people know exactly what I'm going through, because they've gone through it too; I definitely identify with a lot of things brought up in your posts. It makes me feel... validated? My parents always get mad whenever I try to explain this severe introversion and social anxiety; it seemed like they didn't understand and became hostile because they thought I was doing it on purpose or something. So I stopped mentioning it to them...

I have a big desire to actually get a job, but I really can't imagine me in the kind of job where I have to talk to anyone, especially retail jobs like being at a cash register... I've never even purchased anything by myself due to anxiety of having to speak to the cashier, so I can't see how I'm going to help someone else make a purchase. I'm afraid to try because I know I'm going to freak out and people probably won't understand. I'm also really afraid of being judged because of not knowing how to do things. I just want to be normal and buy things and have a job.... So I really hope I can overcome this thing enough to become somewhat functional.

So thanks again everyone for the encouragement!

You can always try to find a job that allows you to work from your home.

Did you try talking to your family Doctor and seeing if you can get a psychiatrist? I've been on meds for a few years now and my medicine treats all my disorders: anxiety, social anxiety, OCD and borderline personality disorder. Since I've been on the meds, I don't quite feel the urge to clean "germs". As my previous post mentions (I wasn't on meds at this time) "As I remember... 5 years ago, I wouldn't even sit alone in the shopping center food court to eat." Since my meds, I can do things on my own, like eat in the food court, go to movies alone, ect.

Do you have your own computer, a pair of reliable headphones, and an average or above-average sense of hearing? You can do freelance transcription from home. I know a couple sites that'll accept/reject you based on a resume alone, no interview.

Only catch: they don't pay well.