So lately, I think I've been feeling depressed due to lack of motherly love. I've told my Mom that I need to be loved in order to "function", but she says no, that I need to be yelled at. Honestly, who wants to be yelled at? The boss (or someone in a higher position) yells at you if you've made a mistake, but only because they assume that when they hired you, you should know what you're doing. I'm still growing up, which means that there are a lot of things that I don't know, and need to be taught. So instead of teaching me in a nice tone, she chooses to yell at me. How is that even going to solve anything? Yelling only leads to more yelling, and before you know it, we're growing apart. 

 At my first job, everyone was so nice. They took their time to teach me how to input a transaction through the cash register system. Even when I couldn't get the hang of it, they told me that it was okay, and that I'll learn as I do it more often. Eventually, I did get the hang of it, and I started to love the job, because everyone was just so nice. I really felt at home with them. But the demand of assignments and exams were too much for me, so I had to quit. I do want to go back some time in the near future, though. Anyway, I just wanted to illustrate the point that even "outsiders" were more accepting of my mistakes and telling me how to fix them than my Mom did. 

 I'm so sick of all this. I've told myself that once I finish my degree and get a decent job, I'm going to move out on my own. I think that I'm the most comfortable on my own, and I'll teach myself how to survive in the real world. Another thing to add is that she always advocates for me to be independent, but she doesn't let me keep my own back accounts cards, or my government-issued documents (passport, birth certificate, etc). She thinks that I'll "misplace" them, and the after-math of fixing it would be a hassle. 

TL;DR: My Mom always yells at me, and it's not helping our relationship.

Some people were just never meant to be parents. I don't know what to tell you. :l

She thinks that she's actually a great mom who works her butt off raising an ungrateful, naive child that'll only realize she was right all along when they have their own kids. Which is obviously not true, but she's too busy looking down the bridge of her nose at you to see that.

There's nothing anyone can say or do that will turn her into a compassionate being. She's the type of awful parent who brushes off any and all criticism as mere naivety ("being a mother is an exclusive hipster club only mothers can understand, and since A: you aren't one and are arguing with me B: you are one, but you're arguing with me, so clearly you're not a REAL mother; I'm going to treat you like an idiot and dismiss everything you say").

There's just nothing that can break through that. Even if you leave her to rot like the she deserves, she'll pin that on you and say she clearly did a good job raising you because properly-done parenting is thankless. It's delusional.

Yeah, like sometimes my Mom will say how ungrateful I am, that I take everything for granted, all because I never explicitly say thank you. But I do show my gratitude in other ways, such as doing house chores (like washing the dishes, or cleaning the ENTIRE washroom, or vacuuming). But she is the one that is taking these things I do for granted. I do like cleanliness, but that's not the main reason I do those things. I do them so she doesn't have to, because those chores can be pretty tiring, and I just want her to rest.

And yes, sometimes I answer "I don't know" and she thinks that I'm dumb or something. But the thing is, her questions are UNANSWERABLE. It's so ridiculous that she expects me to answer them, because if she asked herself the same question, she would answer "I don't know" as well. For example, she would ask "why didn't you do this" and I would say "because I forgot", and she would ask "why did you forget?"... How am I supposed to answer that question? If I forgot something, then that means it was never in my brain to begin with. Ugh.

Although, there are times when she's nice, and it feels really nice to get along with her. But there's a fear in the back of my head that I'll screw up somehow and she'll start yelling at me again. When I told her to not yell at me so much, she got really angry and just started yelling some more. She went on and on about how I am so unappreciative of what she does for me, and that I just complain... It's funny because I asked her to not yell at me so much and she responds with more yelling.

That's not an uncommon situation, sadly. It's a known and documented type of abusive parent (I forget what it's called). Thousands of people around the globe (me included) can read that and say, "Oh, that sounds like my mom." :/ I could share some of the me vs her arguments I have written down if you want, cause I think you and I have a lot of the same ones, and it's nice to know you're not totally alone in a situation like this. hugs

I can't even remember all of the situations in which we argued. I just remember most of them being absurd and irrational. Do share! If you think it's too personal, you can sMail me. :) And yes, it does feel a bit better knowing I'm not alone. I feel less angry knowing that I'm not the only one going through this. Oh, and hugs to you too!

That's why I started writing mine down, actually. xD No one believed me because I couldn't remember them accurately off the top of my head. People insisted that what I was going through was perfectly normal and reasonable until the second I started writing it all down.

Here's a few good examples of the ridiculousness we'd get into. I mostly have screenshots right now since I quit the site I'd been hosting them on, sorry.

http://i68.tinypic.com/fyjy9.jpg (I'm the bottom text) http://i66.tinypic.com/n6ets4.jpg http://i65.tinypic.com/dbtibm.jpg http://i64.tinypic.com/2iw3kvo.jpg

There's one more I really like that I've pet named "the hawai'i shopping trip" but I can't seem to find it, so that one I'll type.

She insisted that we go buy weather-appropriate clothing for an upcoming trip to hawai'i, but I reminded her that we had everything we needed and they were barely used. She proceeded to flip out at me so I caved (it wasn't my money lol). Then she tried to get me to buy way more than two per despite me insisting that I would never, ever use them at home, which also pissed her off because said items weren't cheap. She shouted enough that she eventually got her way, but after the trip was over I noticed that I never actually used any of the new clothes over the course of the entire trip, and neither one of us had noticed. Additionally, it's been about 5 years and not only did I never take the tags off, I had to give it all to Goodwill since I changed gender and they'd no longer be appropriate. She was so mad! I tried to warn her! ¯|(^u^)|¯

I laughed SO hard at "guess what I did, guess I did that upset her, I told her that traits don't go under job names, they do under the traits section". It's pretty self-explanatory, I mean traits are traits, they aren't anything else, so of course they under the traits section...job names would be like employee, manager, etc.

There's nothing there in this one --> http://i66.tinypic.com/ipwlmp.jpg

Wow. I mean, usually the parent doesn't want their child(ren) to buy useless things, but your mother wanted to buy it, despite the fact that the item was not even cheap. Also, it's unfortunate that you had to donate it. She pretty much bought them for nothing. The clothes served no purpose, haha. Also, was she mad that you changed your gender? Or that you had to donate the clothes? Or both?

xD It was such a weird situation! She wanted me to put the job title, list of responsibilities, and sellable personality traits all in the same spot, and then fill the spots actually labeled those things with more stuff.

Oops, sorry! It's a short rant about me working from home and, while I'm on the clock (long story), her calling me on the phone and telling me to do her laundry for her that minute, then later getting mad at me cause I didn't look like I was listening very carefully when she came home and tried to have a long, pointless conversation with me while I was in the middle of working some more. I'm amazed I didn't lose my temper.

She's not transphobic, thank god. She was just mad that I never once wore any of them. I tried very hard to get her to see reason and for whatever reason she saw that as a challenge, so tbph I don't really feel very sorry for her. ¯|(--)_|¯ Call it unsympathetic if you like, I just don't.

I have more arguments saved up if you want to see them, but they're less entertaining. There's one where she's losing her shit about the smoke detector but they're mostly just like the coin collection one.

But employers want a quick glance at everything, and not have to figure out what you mean, or even re-organize your resume, haha.

Oh, it's okay! LOL priorities, am I right? You can do laundry some other day, but work is important.

Mhm, it's good that she's not transphobic, and accepts you for who you are. :) HAHAHA well you DID tell her that she didn't have to buy more, so it's really her fault. She shouldn't be blaming you for that.

hahaha suure, send 'em my way! I love a good laugh

I'm really sorry to hear about both of your situations with your moms, and like said, I don't think there's anything we (as the child) can do about it. I know some mothers apparently calm down a bit after therapy or just having someone they can unload on (and doing so on their kid in this case ought to be a big no-no).

My mom took years to cool off on her own. She still goes back to that snarling mean dragon, but since I've become more indifferent to her reactions and also am away at university, I can deal with it a lot better. She still likes to set me up sometimes, and she definitely still takes her anger out on me, but I'm the older sibling.

@ Claire -She- didn't even want to look at it! xD I told her to proof it at the end and she gave me a bullshit excuse about learning to proofread my own work and hid.

OBVIOUSLY her evening plans with Peggy are more important than any full-time job, and it's imperative that she has her laundry with her for them. If you were a mother it would make sense, but you're not. Plebeian.

I was amazed my coming out went as well as it did, honestly. Even with the misunderstanding she had that showed how relieved she'd be if I went back into the closet, and total lack of meaningful support. Every OTHER situation ended with her yelling at me, so why wouldn't this one?

I tried so dang hard to warn her! xD I'll never get over that. It didn't make any sense for her to dig her heels in whatsoever, yet that's exactly what she did. That's a common theme with her - no matter how asinine, no matter how loyal the "enemy" may actually be, she will stick to her guns and by god the world will BURN with friendly fire.

Case in point, her husband (my stepdad, ik, but we're not on friendly terms...). On either Thursday or Friday this last week, the two of them really got into it. It was one of those where you quietly slip into your room and try not to make any noise. I came out when it quieted down, hours later, and life went on. He went off to go visit his son cross-country. On Saturday, I went to turn up the heat and noticed the screen was passcode protected. I went and got her, thinking she might know it, which became quite the ordeal. She was blowing up her husband's phone, cussing and swearing, pounding different combos into the heater and screaming in rage when it didn't work, etc. When the storm blew over she came back into my room and apologized that the heater wasn't working.

I'll bet you know why.

Drum roll, please.

They were arguing over whether the heater was normally set to (F) 64 or 65 degrees.

Who the fuck cares? I sure as fuck don't. The lowest it's ever gotten just by virtue of the insulation in the walls and the outside air was 66. But apparently I'm just the crazy one in this household, cause my stepdad set the heater to 64, locked it so she couldn't change it, and then left the fucking house for a week while she pounded on the damn thing for an HOUR to set it to, and while I have no proof of this, I'm pretty sure she was gonna set it to 65.

I'll edit this with screenshots cause this is getting long and Chrome crashed on me once already.

http://i65.tinypic.com/302s47c.jpg Here's the fire alarm story. She's since ripped it out of the ceiling, which means that if any fire enters my room, I'm going to die. But that's okay.

Here's another one that's better written: She once volunteered me, without asking (or warning) to take care of one of her friend's pets for a week. I was working full time and going to school and they were far away, so I just couldn't make it work. It just wasn't possible. The person didn't look for another sitter and called me the day she was due to leave to ask me to pick up the keys. D: (While it's technically the friend's fault for not confirming with me, it's hard for me to blame them since A: I'd been watching their pets every year since I was twelve B: they had no idea I was employed for the first time in my life and C: every single other time my mom agreed to ask me, she had actually done so. There was no reason for the friend to think my mom would apparently say yes and then forget about it). My mom, of course, accused me of throwing her under the bus and was mad at me for days. I still feel awful because I like the friend and their pets a lot, and since they haven't called me back since then, I can only assume my mom threw ME under the bus somehow.

http://i66.tinypic.com/vsdlqa.jpg http://i63.tinypic.com/21k09aa.jpg http://i65.tinypic.com/10wktbk.jpg http://i65.tinypic.com/2vd2y3k.jpg http://i67.tinypic.com/ehekqo.jpg http://i64.tinypic.com/9huavl.jpg http://i.imgur.com/MoGyneL.png

I think that's it for the good ones... everything just gets really depressing after that imho :V

Well, actually, there's this one, which requires some context - I was supposed to ask two professors if I would be missing my final to attend my grandmother's funeral, and, as luck would have it, I ate something bad. Very bad. http://i67.tinypic.com/6nsbhi.jpg

In her defense, some months after this happened we were actually able to laugh it off at her expense, so it's not really a thorn in my side anymore. It was really dumb at the time though.

Oh my, that's a long list! I promise to read it as soon as I finish with school work! I'm kind of stressed out right now, cause I have a lot of assignments due this week, and I also have to register for classes pretty soon D:

.glaze Distance is the best way to avoid fighting. It just makes it harder to her to pick a fight with you. If you're studying abroad, it's hard for her to argue because if she tries to contact you, you can just ignore it. Wait, she sets you up? Like on dates and stuff?

No need to read it all at once, your school is way more important than my rants. -I- have my priorities in order. ;3

Also, I think glaze may have meant that their mom sets them up for failure for the specific purpose of picking a fight with them. Mine does that.

Ahh, okay that makes a lot more sense! I was thinking why it was so random

Like said, some people just are never meant to be parents.

These kind of relationships, you can never fix. Nor can you talk to your mom who is hurting you. It's looked at as "talking back". Your problems are never good enough reason for her to change, because frankly, she does not see them as problems. She doesn't see the error in her ways of parenting, Any type of concern you have about the relationship is always taken as criticism towards her, and never towards helping the relationship grow. It's tricky, it's hard. The only thing to do is hoping to move out/go to college. Maybe then that's when she'll cool down or whatever. There's not fixing parents. Absolutely not. They don't listen to reason. I wish you for the best. I grew up with a mother like this as well. I found an article that really helps me see the bigger pictures.

http://www.bustle.com/articles/123975-6-signs-you-have-a-toxic-mother

Thanks for linking the article! I'll have to read when I have time, haha In the meantime, I'll bookmark it. :)

Yeah, I've learned to just not saying anything... She's just going to get even angrier.

[edit] Heeey I didn't forget to look at your pics! Finally have a bit of free time, heh heh

I can't see the fire alarm story D:

"She thinks my job is a video game" I mean, shouldn't she already know what your job is? Why is she asking you to do something she can do herself? Augh she's so hypocritical! I hate when parents do this (Bubba the cat) That is NOT social anxiety at all... But he locked it so that no one could change it. If you ask him how to unlock it he wouldn't even tell you...HAHA Oh my gosh, it's not like you don't know that your appointment with your driving instructor is at 11...or that you need your permit...or that you need to pay them

I just...don't have any words for that last one. Your mom said that you could ask her for help, yet she just yells at every little thing you do. How can you ask her for help if that's the kind of response that you expect from her?

Try again. Is it working now?

She wasn't involved with me getting that job (100% my aunt and I) so no, she had no idea what my job was. She knew it involved a computer and a lot of editing text, but she seemed to think I could do it whenever I wanted, for as long as I wanted, and I got paid hourly regardless of how much I sent in. I spent a lot of that job on the hairy edge of being fired... As for why she asked me to do her laundry/take out the recycling for her, it was because she was tired from working all day. :) Because I couldn't possibly have been that, or busy. :)

Yeah, snap negative judgements are just sort of her thing. It's a hell of a time getting her to give you the time of day w/re to them, too.

She doesn't have social anxiety, so of course no one else does either. >_>

She hears "I can't change the heater" and thinks "Oh, he doesn't know how to change the heater." Every. Damn. Time. Whenever Bob tinkers with it or it breaks, she calls me out and shows me how to use its most basic functions. -_- I try to explain to her what was ACTUALLY going on, she doesn't listen and instead tries to talk over me and gets really annoyed since obviously I don't know what I'm doing and listening to her will solve all my problems, and I start flipping out because she reeeeally needs to listen to me right now.

I don't know why she was so anxious about it, I was never late to anything back then. I was actually known for being 30 minutes early to everything.

She doesn't understand at all, either, it's ridiculous. She's so hurt and confused that I treat her like a landmine.

Nope, it's still not working D:

Oh, I see now. Can't change and don't know how to change are two different things! Not listening is the worst thing. I mean, how am I supposed to communicate with you if you always just tell your end of the story? It's good to be early! :D

Darn. Well, what happened was she was cooking and it set off the smoke alarm in my room, so she stomped into my room with a stepladder and started swinging it around haphazardly to throw all the empty boxes I had stacked up (to keep the dog out) around and then yelled at me for making her life harder with my messy room. She also pretended the stepladder was wobbling. Since she'd yelled at me I just calmly watched her, or I'd have helped.

I know right?! It's like she thinks I don't agree with her because I don't understand her side of the story, and if I'd just hear her out I would suddenly not be arguing with her anymore. I don't know why it doesn't occur to her that maybe I DID hear her side, and I'm arguing cause I think she's full of shit!

Oh you have a dog? I didn't know that.

HAHAHA It's because she thinks she's right all the time, so she just tells her side, thinking that you're probably not listening to her