My partner and I flat with two other guys. We have the middle sized room despite paying cumulatively more than an indvidual flatmate because we flipped a coin. Yeah, dumb, I know. I don't mind this except it's kind of like his partner lives here as well. She stays here ~6 nights a week, eats here, showers here, poops here. I knew she'd be round a fair bit but not this much.

I didn't know up until today that she's here all day playing video games while he's at work. She comes back between lectures (we all work but I'm sick today). I also wasn't aware she had a key to the place. I think the coming here all the time and treating it as her own flat (without having to clean, pay rent or power) is a bit much. It's also hard because it makes our other flatmate who feels a bit like the fifth wheel as they're quite a publicly touchy feely couple.

How do I bring this up without making any hurt feelings?

My advise for example:

"I would appreciate if ...(you can fill in certain concrete practical actions)..." I believe this way to say/ask will make your flatmembers more willing to help you.

; just raise your concerns to the whole group as a whole so everyone can voice any issues.

i know if i was in that situation i'd ask the other flatmates if i was being a bit "too much" about the situation but if they feel the same way then certainly bring it up as a group issue. if not, then bring it up separately and say "Hey, I know your girl is here all the time but since she doesn't technically pay to live here can we set some house boundaries?" For the boundaries they should apply to everyone, not just her, because that wouldn't be fair. Maybe some simple things like limiting her access to the house when he isn't there and only using the key in emergencies?

And from what it sounds she does basically live there and even tho her name isn't on the lease, she should contribute (or he should pay her share) since she is using your resources as much as the rest of youse. And if she doesn't want to then she can heavily reduce her presence at your home and he can go to hers.

best of luck handling this situation!

Thanks guys, I know my partner is getting a bit annoyed. The other guy we flat with is too cruisy to complain but has said the fifth wheel thing a few times. I don't think there's a need for her to be here when he isn't, that's my main concern. She uses my shaving stuff too which has now moved to my room so there's definitely a boundary issues :(

I'll find sometime to talk to him.

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Well If she uses your stuff I think it mey be reasonble if she doesn't mind you will use also her stuff. :P That's seems to me plain fair.

Anyway. Good luck to figure out more clear rules and appointments with them.