I feel kind of silly posting this here...but I guess that just goes to show how done I am with it.

But it's basically been a problem my whole life but, for the past year-year and a half I thought I'd overcome it. My weight has always been an issue and, just in that amount of time, I lost about 20 pounds and everything was great. The thing is, though, during that time I was really controlling over my diet? I was eating around 600-800 calories most days with 1000-1200 being my absolute upper limit - unless I binged. And I think that's what has caused my problem now. Though it wasn't as healthy as it could have been, that sense of control was really invigorating and I wish I could find it again. Maybe not to that extent, but for about 2 months now it's just kind of been out of control and it seems no matter how much I try I just can't get back on track. ): For the past month it's been about every other day and every time I say tomorrow's the day! I should know better by now. lol I've gone from 125-135 and it just feels so so bad. And you'd think that shame and disgust with myself would be plenty of motivation to get back on track but for some reason it's making it that much harder. ): Like, I know how I look and that I've gained weight so what's the point? You know? Before, if I messed up I'd get right back on track the next day. Now, I eat a bite of something I shouldn't and that's that.

Anyways. If you read all of that, bless you. lol I'm making it a goal to get out tomorrow morning and go for a run but....I don't know. Anyone who has ever been in a similar boat do you have any advice? How do I fix this unhealthy relationship with food? ): I was so (overly) in control of what I ate and now....I'd be happy with even a fraction of that. I've managed to lose 45 lbs (35, now...) over the years and most of it was healthily. I just want to lose these past 20 pounds. ): Healthily, if I can. Because I absolutely cannot keep going like this. It's wearing me out so much ):

I think that's it. Thanks for listening! ❤ I really do appreciate that much. Like I said, I feel silly making a topic about this but I'm hoping that, maybe if I just get it out there, it'll be enough to inspire change. haha Or....something. At the very least it feels nice just getting it off my chest. uvu

600-800 calories is extremely low. That is the amount a toddler needs to function. A full grown human, as I assume you are, needs around 2000 calories a day. This could develop into another eating disorder. Trust me, I've been there and have been struggling since I was in 7th grade (2007). Calorie limiting is very dangerous. Suggest making a lifestyle change, and eat more veggies, fruits, and whole foods.

The problem with eating a low calorie limit, is when you lose the weight, it is really easy to put it back on since your body is use to such a low calorie limit - it becomes the 'norm' for your body. Is there anyway you can see a nutritionist or a doctor?

There is no shame is gaining weight. It is important to love yourself during every stage of the processes, and not only loving yourself at your goal weight. Love your body, embrace it. You're beautiful.

Ah sorry for the late reply! I got caught up in that event and forgot I posted this. haha

You're right. Eating that much is way too low and I've been trying to aim for around 1200 at least. Which is significantly more than what I used to eat, so you'd think I'd be able to. haha But I can't even eat that much. I don't think I have an eating disorder but my eating habits are definitely messed up and I just need to find a balance. ): Because, currently, no matter how healthy my day is one small thing and I just throw in the towel. My goal isn't to eat that little..I just want control again Because it's ridiculous and tiring. I do want to lose weight healthily but I can't even do that anymore. haha Actually, I guess that's a lie as the past few days have been an improvement but I can do better.

Seeing a nutritionist/doctor probably wouldn't be a bad idea but it just feels so silly. Ultimately it comes down to me but I mean, I stopped before so surely I can do it again. I don't know. WHY is the solution so easy in theory but impossible in practice. haha

Thank you so much for taking the time to listen and for the nice reply! Sorry to hear about your struggle as well, I hope you're doing better. I'll take your advice to heart.

It could develop into one later down the road. I am very aware of eating habits that turn into them. What about trying to up the goal each week, 1200 one week, 1300 the next?

Maybe you could try to track your calories and intake on a calorie tracker app (I use Fitness Pal). It really helps me monitor everything I intake.

I also suggest talking to someone close to you about this. Someone you can trust, someone who won't judge, and someone who will always be there. It's good to have close support around!

Of course, and thank you for your sweet little message ❤️

Okay, I am so sorry but I have got to say this:

YOU ARE NOT FAT AT ALL!

This is a tender subject for someone like me. I was over 200lbs in MIDDLE school dude. I have struggled all my life to maintain a weight of 175 lbs. I definitely do not over eat. I only eat maybe twice a day, home cooked, healthy meals. I am not, not being physical enough. I work in a factory, so I am plenty active. It is just really hard to stay thin for women period. However; 125-135 lbs is not over weight unless you are a small people dude. And when I say little person, I mean someone who is only 4'5 in height. Like, oh my god you have no idea. I definitely think you have a low self esteem problems...and you most CERTAINLY have some sort of eating disorder, but binge eating and, or, obesity is NOT IT.

Please...fat shaming is a big enough issue for thick women, lets not make it worse by saying if you weigh as little as you do...to be disgusting or terrible. That makes the rest of us, who really ARE over weight to feel absolutely hideous.

All around, every woman is beautiful. Every woman should feel comfortable in her own skin. Every woman is sexy, no matter how big or small, short or tall, she is.

Again, I am sorry if this was way harsh, but I mean jeez.

[oops sorry I had no idea ^ necroed!!]

How tall are you? I'm 6'8" and 130+ (I don't know the exact number) and I consider myself thin. If you can't break 135 back to 125 again, 135 is probably your body's natural weight. I would seek to maintain that, not lose it. For your heart's sake, though, binging isn't something to encourage. Try looking for healthier alternatives for what you're craving instead of forcing yourself to just not eat it. Example: grilled cheese sandwich with wheat bread and a flax seed sprinkle.

If you're judging yourself for what you can pinch, don't. Women have a thick layer of fat cells over their stomach and/or thighs and caboose. Why? Preparation for pregnancy. 9 months is not a lot of time to swell the stomach, so your body's gonna pack on whatever it can get. It even increases and decreases based on your monthly cycle.

Point being, if you're not overly muscled and 0% body fat, you will have a pooch or jiggly thighs, because you're anatomically supposed to.

(A necro is reviving a topic 3 months after the last post?)

I don't see how it's at all relevant to tell off someone who wants to lose weight based on the existence of obesity in others. People are entitled to feel how they choose about their own bodies, barring eating disorders on either end of the weight spectrum. It makes no sense to police someone's desire for a smaller body while preaching the exact opposite about larger ones in the same breath.

That being said, OP is taking in way too few calories which is causing her to binge. She needs to consume a healthier amount of them from good sources in order to stop binging and lose/maintain weight. I do think what she described (tiny caloric intake, rigorous tracking of it, "invigorated by the sense of control," binge eating) are all symptoms of an eating disorder which she should see a doctor about.